(no subject)
im back to writing again, as i find myself further down the spiral that i had anticipated. i seem to have such an odd effect on any man that i attempt to dabble with, and finding one is rare enough. not that i dont get hit on; in fact, more than ever. however, when i do attempt to bed one...he seems to run away after the fact. i offer myself willingly, without strings. you'd think that any man would at least want sex. this is not the case. its as if ive been cursed.
im terribly lonley, and still healing my wounded trust. all i want in the world is to kneel at someones feet and be told that im a good girl. and then beaten bloody for my reward. i want to be in so much physical pain that it makes me forget, for just a moment, of my emotional scars. ive been trying this with work but its not quite enough. i still have to come home to an empty bed and a heavy heart.
how did he hurt me so much? why cant i heal my wounds?
i now shake until i can finally have a whiskey. im also overusing my valium. i need cocaine again. i also think my face has aged 10 years in over the last 9 months which is due to the substance abuse.
i need to get a cat.
im terribly lonley, and still healing my wounded trust. all i want in the world is to kneel at someones feet and be told that im a good girl. and then beaten bloody for my reward. i want to be in so much physical pain that it makes me forget, for just a moment, of my emotional scars. ive been trying this with work but its not quite enough. i still have to come home to an empty bed and a heavy heart.
how did he hurt me so much? why cant i heal my wounds?
i now shake until i can finally have a whiskey. im also overusing my valium. i need cocaine again. i also think my face has aged 10 years in over the last 9 months which is due to the substance abuse.
i need to get a cat.