(no subject)

[_idiosyncrasy_]

HA HA FUCKING HA. I'll break your head on the back of the bed

but the baby died in the morning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=TeI-BErcmcI

this use to scare me, make me sick to my stomach. Realization. Ill.
even more so now.

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moved to Warren, but it's not far enough. Everything is still the same.

new doctors, new treatments, same outcome, i'm sure.

starting DBT soon.

i am afraid. im not sure how many times i can handle failing.
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This is my first time living alone. I thought i would be afraid, and i am, of myself. I'm afraid of all the wrong things it seems.

i am not afraid of someone breaking in, i am afraid of something scaring me. i'm afraid of being startled. everything spooks me.
i'm afraid of not having things organized
i'm afraid the place isn't clean enough.
i'm afraid this is going to end up a tomb.
i'm afraid of having company.
i'm afraid no one will visit.

i ask you to forget

because i know that it is probably best,

but i am afraid of being forgotten.

I want to be left alone.
I need someone, something, anything to cling to.

i love you, i hate you, dont leave me. GET OUT.