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[_iamnokiller]

We communicate in messages, missed calls, and in altered states, stupefied and having all trust in. Trust in us, understanding, clarity if you will that only lasts one binge. A week high needs supplements to stay on top; we wonder how we fall out. I say “I love you” and you say “Me too”, while we call our lovers and play Janus. On our minds, bodies

Comments

[tile]

at a first glance, i'd think you'd write this so openly, without pretext or warning, to spite me. you, the part of speech that tiptoes up on me to crack a bat onto my head. that when you speak to me and never put forth any word without harsh or malicious overtones because you'd try not to.

but in fact, it's so much less than that. the thought of me, the thought of anything you'd be able to stomp underneath your feet; it never crosses your mind. i remembered, what would be worse? that you'd try to hurt my feelings, or that you wouldn't even think of effecting them at all.

because when it comes to you, my system refuses to function. i cannot even emulate the way you deal with me. i can barely grasp that you have the ability to do so, or that anybody could. i am unable to simply shove you into a domain having no connection with me. "did you get on just to talk to me?" who do you think you are? i have avoided any conflict that involves your name for weeks. when you lost all thought towards me as anything but somebody you once knew, and will never know again, that was when i myself lost the will to prove any love i had for anyone. and honestly, the future prospects of that returning are dim. i have been poked and prodded for so long that i decided, when you left, that was the right moment to try and stop caring. but i couldn't. is it because i am obsessed, as you put it? no. is it because i was too late? a small-minded character who picks out apathy to share with others, i can forget about somebody like that. but not you. i know what kind of person you are. and you have a pretty good idea of who i am, too. and this is the worst part. if you felt like it, you could have crushed me until there was nothing left.

the only reason that you didn't, and that you won't, is because you don't give a damn about me.

and the time and energy it would have taken to do so? well that's just too out of the way. and that's what gets to me. i wake up thinking you are a despicable human being, an egoist with nothing inside of you. (yet, a far more capable individual than i am). and then i go to sleep, remembering how i once taught you to feel.

i never believed in cancellations, that a two over a two is simply crossed out. to me, it has to be the division that's looked at most critically. the precise act of separating the two numbers. they just don't disappear.

but now, it seems that i should adopt the former rather than the latter system. because the act itself means nothing to you, or anybody else. i've been alone in that theory for quite sometime. and each word here means more that the words we i do so solemnly sweared on are gone. cancelled out. lies.

before you shoved me out of your car, that night, you said something to me about, no one ever being able to keep you. and after so much time with your emptiness walking hand in hand with me, i've realized something. it's you that cannot keep anybody else.

[_iamnokiller]

"do i know where to begin
nah, man,like always, i'll just skip to the end"