addendum to a drive
I went for a drive because what else was there to do and I knew I wouldn’t sleep. My intensely realized twilight was over come by an artificial awake. I couldn't shake a feeling that something terrible was going to happen, but I knew even it wasn't going to I'd still feel the same way. I thought maybe I’d run into you at the bar three towns down; because it was Saturday. I’d drank the past six days in a row and I couldn’t stomach another night of it even though my sobered pathos facilitated insomnia I knew I wouldn’t be able to kick. In that drunken week I’d become obsessed with wondering what it felt like to die: a drifting float followed by a rattled emancipation of the soul. And one cold night I would have driven my car into the channel and sat blankly while the black water engulfed me.
I remember that I hung out down here one night with some friends I had just met. They said they’d buy me drinks if I drove them home. We’d all been laid off the night before and I had just started working there. I had also become obsessed with my teeth in the past week although that wasn’t only when I was drunk. I thought they were starting to push in on one another and that bothered me more than anything else that had happened in the last month.
The bar was just short of dead, but I broke my promise to myself and got a drink because I drove all this way anyway. You weren’t there but a drunk started talking to me and I told him that I had just gone for a drive and ended up here. He said if you just go out for a drive with gas prices like this you must be rich. I said I wasn’t rich but sometimes you had to treat yourself. I cut the conversation off their because I didn’t have any funny anecdotes so what was the fucking point. Plus I hadn’t written anything in a while so I couldn’t even bull shit about that.
I sinned and left half a beer. I didn’t even want to drink tonight, but I had to accept the bitter realization that I’d been drinking at work for hours because the owner had stayed all night and I just couldn’t stand it, not tonight. I laughed it off and I just drove some more.
I remember that I hung out down here one night with some friends I had just met. They said they’d buy me drinks if I drove them home. We’d all been laid off the night before and I had just started working there. I had also become obsessed with my teeth in the past week although that wasn’t only when I was drunk. I thought they were starting to push in on one another and that bothered me more than anything else that had happened in the last month.
The bar was just short of dead, but I broke my promise to myself and got a drink because I drove all this way anyway. You weren’t there but a drunk started talking to me and I told him that I had just gone for a drive and ended up here. He said if you just go out for a drive with gas prices like this you must be rich. I said I wasn’t rich but sometimes you had to treat yourself. I cut the conversation off their because I didn’t have any funny anecdotes so what was the fucking point. Plus I hadn’t written anything in a while so I couldn’t even bull shit about that.
I sinned and left half a beer. I didn’t even want to drink tonight, but I had to accept the bitter realization that I’d been drinking at work for hours because the owner had stayed all night and I just couldn’t stand it, not tonight. I laughed it off and I just drove some more.