(no subject)
ok, so i'm not the one to ever believe horiscopes, but there was one for this past week that really applies to what has been going on. my mom read it to me, and it was something about thinking about the past a lot and something about regrets, and all i have been able to think ab out since my last entry is 8th grade and all of my regrets from then. i got this weird feeling in my gut when my mom read it to me. i have been getting that feeling a lot rescently. like just now, i was sitting here typing and suddenly i really got the feeling that tim had gotten online, and i got this feeling that hasn't quite gone away yet. of course, he wsan't getting inline, but the feeling is weird. i dunno. i get into a really shitty mood when i think too much about any of the stuff from urban. like, i don't think at all that i like tim anymore, but if that is true then why do i keep getting these odd feelings?? and even if i don't like him i keep feeling extremely mad at myself for never talking to him at urban. i mean, if i had just talked to him a little then we could possibly be friends now. there is definately potential for us to become good friends (or at least i think so), but luck has just not been on my side. and about luck, the horoscope said something about how i "should take risks to get what i want" and that "luck is on my side." i dunno. then there is jerrod. i have not been able to get in touch with him and i still feel SO guilty for everything and i want him to know. i had this dream recently that had me waking up in a sweat. it was about jerrod, and he got the e-mail i sent, but he hated me or something and he kept yelling at me. i don't remember too much else from it, but it was not fun at all. i have also been having a lot of dreams about george. i don't have any regrets when it comes to him, i think that i did everything fine when it came to him, but ever since graduation i have been wondering what would have happened if i had started to realize that i liked him a little soone, or ifi had had more time to figure it out. seeing him at church every week doesn't exactly help. when i see him i don't really feel anything, i just wonder, but when i have the dreams i wake up feeling all weird. and in all of the dreams, george says the same basic thing to me, that he wants to be friends with me, that he likes me, that maybe we could try to be more. and each time i run away, i feel panicked, yet i feel the same things that i felt when i liked him, but each time i still manage to get away. i had another weird tim dream recently too. a while ago i kept having these dreams about tim where i would run into him in the most random places. i would always hide from him, and in the first few he didn't know i was there. then came the dreams where he would see me and try to talk to me. i would still try to run and hide. eventually i would talk to him, but i would still act all weird. the last dream that i had through out the whole dream we acted like we were great friends and everything was ok. i hadn't had another dream like that until the one recently. it it, i was talikng to tim, and i realized that i liked him. the moment that i realized that i stoped talking and acted all weird and tried to leave, and he got really angry, and angela came out of nowhere and started making out w/ tim. (i don't know what angela looks like really, but just go along with it.) it was weird. i dunno. i guess that if ou were to interpret them it wouldn't really take a rocket scientist. i am scared. i dunno. i g2g watch the fire works. oh, and happy 4th of july to everyone.