you have all five aces.

[_horrorscopes]

No, i'm not really a morning person. i can't believe all the shit i would have went through with if i would have stayed with adam. i was so concerned with following him and trying to make him happy and satisfied. i used to be so scared of the possibility of not being in a relationship with him, and i was rotting away in justified jealousy and all he could do was call me insane. since when were insanity and intuition synonyms? since you lied to yourself about it and believed it completely? i can't help it this entry keeps turning into some angry letter to him, but i'll try and keep away from that. i pity him really, older than me and stuck in the mental state that i was when i was 15 or 16. i don't just pity him for that, but for the fact that he has no idea who he is. he's so caught up in his own lies to his peers and himself that he's sure to drown because he doesn't know up from down. all he can do now is curl into a ball and hope to float up...but he hasn't the life experience to know what to do when you fall in murkey waters.

i'm not even sure if i can say it was love. it was rage. it was jealousy. it was pure intensity to the upmost extremes. he made me the happiest girl in the world one minute, and the next minute he made me feel like no one in the world could give a shit about me for the life of them. the highest of highs, the lowest of lows. i'm explaining this to the best of my ability for my own sake, for some sort of closure. i'm sure this won't be the last entry about it. if anything this certainly has been an inspiration and a necessary life experience. now i know exactly what not to look for in the opposite sex. now i know what to stay away from. now i know exactly what not to do. i wish i knew then what i knew now.