where is my boy tonite?
whales swim in pods? did you know that? =D jess is a whale.
today i learned something about my mom. i figured out i really dont like her that much. i dont like her parenting skills, or lack there of.
as of friday, my dad has been gone 8 years. sometimes it feels like less, because i remember the last few weeks really vividly. but other times i can't remember the simplest things about him, or even having a father. i remember the day it happened. and i made my mom take me up so i could see his body. that sounds so akward. his body. it sounds so cold, and heartless, because i didn't realize that's all it was. anyways. and i remember my mom saying something like "what you're gonna see isn't really daddy. it's just like an old pair of shoes daddy left behind. it's just a part of who he was. he has lot's of parts. there's a part of him in you, and michael, and matty, and mommy too. even peetey (peetey was our cat that i loved)." and i understood. i remember every new years eve, after 12 the two of us would pretend to go to sleep. and at 1, when my brothers were sleeping, we'd get up and eat all of our favorite cookies that my grandma sent, and they never knew. that's one of my favorite memories. one of my only, actually. and i remember he would take me in the kitchen of his restaurant and show me off to all the waitors and waitresses. i was a cute kid :) and i remember the last few weeks he was alive, i'd stay overnight at the hospital with him and we weren't really allowed to sleep in the same bed because the doctors were affraid i'd pull some kind of tube out, or some medical garbage, but he knew i got scared on the floor so he'd let me come up and sleep with him. i think im lucky to have lost him so early in life, because if i were older i would understand the signifigance of a father more so than now. i remember my brothers would always give me a hard time because i couldn't remember a whole lot about him. i still can't really. i wish i could. but i want to cherish what i do remember. boy did i love that guy.
it all makes me appreciate all that my nag of a mother has done for me. sometimes she treats me like shit, but i understand that a negative person has a hard time being positive. the world hasn't treated her so well either, but she does the best that she can. and how can you hate a person like that? i can't.
spring break makes me think too much.
im excited. thurday im going to magic mountain with some great people :)
friday im going to a something corporate concert with my favorite person. my whale. my weeple. my testicle tosser. my lola. my karen. my best friend. my jess :)
i love you all. ♥
today i learned something about my mom. i figured out i really dont like her that much. i dont like her parenting skills, or lack there of.
as of friday, my dad has been gone 8 years. sometimes it feels like less, because i remember the last few weeks really vividly. but other times i can't remember the simplest things about him, or even having a father. i remember the day it happened. and i made my mom take me up so i could see his body. that sounds so akward. his body. it sounds so cold, and heartless, because i didn't realize that's all it was. anyways. and i remember my mom saying something like "what you're gonna see isn't really daddy. it's just like an old pair of shoes daddy left behind. it's just a part of who he was. he has lot's of parts. there's a part of him in you, and michael, and matty, and mommy too. even peetey (peetey was our cat that i loved)." and i understood. i remember every new years eve, after 12 the two of us would pretend to go to sleep. and at 1, when my brothers were sleeping, we'd get up and eat all of our favorite cookies that my grandma sent, and they never knew. that's one of my favorite memories. one of my only, actually. and i remember he would take me in the kitchen of his restaurant and show me off to all the waitors and waitresses. i was a cute kid :) and i remember the last few weeks he was alive, i'd stay overnight at the hospital with him and we weren't really allowed to sleep in the same bed because the doctors were affraid i'd pull some kind of tube out, or some medical garbage, but he knew i got scared on the floor so he'd let me come up and sleep with him. i think im lucky to have lost him so early in life, because if i were older i would understand the signifigance of a father more so than now. i remember my brothers would always give me a hard time because i couldn't remember a whole lot about him. i still can't really. i wish i could. but i want to cherish what i do remember. boy did i love that guy.
it all makes me appreciate all that my nag of a mother has done for me. sometimes she treats me like shit, but i understand that a negative person has a hard time being positive. the world hasn't treated her so well either, but she does the best that she can. and how can you hate a person like that? i can't.
spring break makes me think too much.
im excited. thurday im going to magic mountain with some great people :)
friday im going to a something corporate concert with my favorite person. my whale. my weeple. my testicle tosser. my lola. my karen. my best friend. my jess :)
i love you all. ♥