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[_fool_for_love]

Crazy the way life can change. One minute I’m saving the world making a grand entrance. And the next well I’m in front of Angel in a office. Once again I fought the good fright right down to the grand finally. Yet this time I lived. Didn’t go out like before. I was beaten up. In blood stained cloths but I was still around. And now I was standing in

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[_fool_for_love]

I could feel her. I could feel her all around me, I knew her scent always did. I stopped and turned around glancing back at the house. I couldn’t just leave, even though I should. But I couldn’t. So here I am walking back towards the house. Still couldn’t let her see me.

Carefully I made my way up towards the house and glanced through a window, and there she was. Sitting on a couch watching tv. All these memories went racing through my head as I watched her. How badly I wanted to be there with her, holding her like I did before the end. Let’s face it though the bleeding slayer wouldn’t want that anymore. Probably has someone else in her life. Some one who didn’t do terrible things to her. I would never be good enough for her, guess a man can dream can’t he.

I sighed as I continued to watch her. Wonder if she’s missed me at all, if she even thought anything of it when I went down fighting the good fight. Probably not. Just brushed me off like another fallen hero. I even fought the good fight out in LA with Angel, wonder if that’d make a difference to her.

[trueslayer26]

As I was sitting there on my couch, I could still feel him. But, I hadn't seen him outside. Still, I got up, putting my plate of bagel bites down on the coffee table.

I walked back over to my door and peaked out. Nope, no Spike. But, I had the strangest feeling he was there, somewhere. I did want to see him too. I wonder if he had missed me. I wasn't sure how I felt. I was so confused. I had told him I loved him, and that was true. I think I finally did convince myself that I did. I saw that he really did love me, and I was shocked. Then, he had to save the world, and be gone.

I opened the door and stood there on my porch. I scanned the shadows and the trees. Just then, I saw him come out from behind a tree.

I was lost for words. It was really him. Here. With his soul, still.

"S-spike? Were you spying on me?" was the first thing I said to him.

[_fool_for_love]

“Oh great that’s nice” I said in a cocky voice. “First thing you say is ‘Spike are you spying on me’ Man goes out fighting the good fight and that’s what you say to him. No big surprise oh my gosh your back from the dead Spike, what happened.” I sighed as I looked up at her. “Knew this was a bloody bad idea. “

I couldn’t believe it, here I am going off on her like this after I missed her so much. “Guess some things never change” I let out a slight laugh. That was the truth some things didn’t seem to change, doubt they ever would. The bleeding slayer didn’t give a damn bout me, that I saw. Yet still there was that slight bit of hope that she changed. That she really did realize something else. Guess I never would be good enough for her though. Could go out saving the world a million times and would still never be good enough for her. Not that it mattered, I got used to that.

“Guess it’d be better if I go then” I glanced down at the ground and slowly started to turn. Yea sure I was hoping she would stop me and tell me to stay. Chances of that happening, slim to none especially with the way she greeted me.

[trueslayer26]

I stopped and just stood there, looking at him. I didn't mean to greet him like that..it just looked like he was spying on me.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to sound like a bitch. But, it just looked like you were.." I cut off.

"And I am suprised. You had died saving the world, and now your back..?"

He started to walk away then, saying that he'd better go. I almost called him back, then I decided not to, so I turned also and went to go back inside.

Then, both of us turned back around at the same time. I smiled at him.

"You can stay Spike. If you want to..that is." I wasn't sure if he would, but it was wortha try. I want him to know that I had meant what I said to him.

[got_the_spark]

“Oh great, first you insult me then you ask me to stay. Typical of you Summers.” I shook my head and walked towards her. She entered the house and looked back at me with a blank expression. “Remember the whole vampire thing. Need to be invited in.” I sighed and waited for her to invite me in.

Once she invited me in a walked in and took a look around the place. “Nice place you got here. How’s the slayer gig going for ya, now that there are a bunch of you running about.” It was still hard to believe that she wasn’t the only slayer anymore and there were thousands of them running about. Good thing I’m fighting the good fight now. Would’ve been tough taking on that many slayers.

I smiled and made my way further into the living room. “How’s the little bit doing? And the rest of them, how are they?”

[trueslayer26]

I kind of forgot to invite him in. I guess afer not having to do it for awhile, your not used to it. I smiled a him as he came inside.

I laughed when he said that. "Yeah, its goin good. Not the only slayer anymore. Its just great.." I drifted off. I didn't want to sound selfish, but I did miss not being the only 'chosen' one. Now, there's really no purpose for me anymore. I can just live my life like I've always wanted to live it..so why am I not happy? I shook my head and looked up at him again.

"Sorry, just kind of out of it I guess."

"Uh, Dawn's fine. Shes at College now, and everyone else is good too." I said, trying to smile.

I went over and sat back down on my couch and put my feet underneath me and sighed.

[_fool_for_love]

I listened to her as she spoke about the others. “Really, the little bit is in college now. Would love to see that one” I walked over to the couch and sat down next to Buffy. Either she really was out of it or something was up. Didn’t act a bit surprised to see me. Well, at first somewhat but what about the how did you come back from the dead part. Last time she saw me I was about to be dust.

“So what is Buffy doing these days? Still keeping up with the slayer gig or did you turn in your badge and moved onto better things?” Even if she did stop slaying she would never fully be finished with it. The slayer was a part of her, always was and always will be nothing could change that. For so long she was the one, the only one. Must be hard for her not to be the only one anymore.

[trueslayer26]

I sat on the couch, looking at Spike. How did he come back? It was all so weird. First he's about to be dusted, saving the world, and now, he's here, sitting in my living room.

"Nothing really..but I still slay. Can't seem to keep myself away from it, even though I really don't have to anymore." I smiled.

"But its hard..not being the 'one and only' anymore. I miss it. And now I get the chance I've always wanted, to live a normal life, but I'm not happy." I sighed again, and took a bite of my now cold bagel bites.

"But I'm okay..I guess. Well enough about me. So Spike..how is that your back? Not like I'm not happy to see you, but its kinda weird..."

I looked into his eyes. His soul was glowing.

[_fool_for_love]

I listened to her talk about not being the one and only slayer anymore. “It always is hard like that.” I sighed “You finally get what you want but it still doesn’t make you happy, feels like there’s still a part of you missing” I glance down at the ground “I guess that’s what makes us different. No matter what we can’t have a normal life, we are the heroes the champions of this world, especially you Buffy” I turn and look her in the eyes. “You will be fighting till the day you die, its in your blood Summers”

"But I'm okay..I guess. Well enough about me. So Spike..how is that your back? Not like I'm not happy to see you, but its kinda weird..."

Finally the slayer asks about me. “Well, you see that shinny piece of jewelry you gave to me shared a connection with Wolfram and Hart and all of a sudden there I am standing in front of Angel. Got to haunt him for awhile, well, until they got me back to normal. Been helping out Angel and team for about a year.”

[trueslayer26]

I kept looking at him. He was right. About us. We were the heroes, and we have to live like this.

"Yeah, even when I'm old and grey, I'll be out there a'slaying." I laughed, as I looked down to the ground.

"That necklace made you come back? I thought that was what killed you first of all..?"

"And how is Angel? Haven't seen him in a while.." I paused to think some.

"But, I'm glad your back Spike..I..missed you. After you died, I couldn't help feeling like it was my fault..it was. Part of me still feels horrible for it. And now you're back, and I am happy to see you."

I looked up at him, smiling slightly. I wonder if he felt the same way.

[_fool_for_love]

"Yeah, even when I'm old and grey, I'll be out there a'slaying."

That managed to bring a slight smile to my face. “You always were the one Summers, no one can take that away from you.”

"That necklace made you come back? I thought that was what killed you first of all..?"

“Yea, well you know. Things have a funny way of working out. All that magic mojo, never liked it much. Can never be too sure what your gonna get.” That was the bloody truth wasn’t it. You do something, think you got the damn thing figured out to realize its not what you thought. Bloody amulets and spells and higher powers.

"And how is Angel? Haven't seen him in a while.."

Oh great, how did I figure. Of course she was going to ask about her Angel clad in shinning armor. “Angel, yea haven’t seen him around. Both were fighting the good fight last time I checked. Big ‘ol apocalypse, should’ve seen the bloody battle. These things were coming out of everywhere. I’m guessing we won, as seeing I’m here and demons aren’t everywhere. We all got split up during the battle, haven’t heard from him since.” Although I hate to admit it, I was a bit worried about the guy.

"But, I'm glad your back Spike..I..missed you. After you died, I couldn't help feeling like it was my fault..it was. Part of me still feels horrible for it. And now you're back, and I am happy to see you."

“Well, at least someone’s happy to see me. Angel and team weren’t too happy when I showed up in their place. Especially Angel.” I laughed remembering when I first came back, how I would haunt Angel annoying the bleeding hell out of him. “Thought with me gone now you would be happy. Wouldn’t have to worry about good ‘ol Spike’s feelings anymore. Wouldn’t have to worry ‘bout hurting me.” I sighed and glanced down to the ground “All I did was cause you trouble Summers.”

[trueslayer26]

I looked at Spike and smiled.

"Spike, thats not true..you didn't just cause me trouble." I paused and looked down. "And I wasn't happy..I realized too late how I..felt." I said, looking up at him again.

"When you were gone, I kept blaming myself, and for not telling you sooner..I should have, but I didn't. I don't know why."

I looked at him. "But now, I don't know Spike.." I said, still looking at him.

"Do you still love me?" I asked him. I just threw it out there, but I wanted to know, cause I think I did, finally.

[_fool_for_love]

I listened closely to what she said. Have to admit it shocked me a bit. Especially the part where she said she should’ve told me sooner. I would be getting my hopes up to think she’s talking ‘bout when she said she loved me. Nope, that couldn’t be it. Must be something else she should’ve told me sooner, what that she didn’t want me. This feeling I was feeling at the pit of my stomach right now. Hard to describe, guess the fear of losing what I have right now. Very last words I heard of her was “I love you” , I knew within a second those words could be taken away. Even though I knew she didn’t mean it, it was nice to have it. To be able to believe she meant it. I wonder sometimes if she could’ve meant it, I want to know the truth, but I don’t.

"But now, I don't know Spike..Do you still love me?"

Oh great just what I needed. She doesn’t know. Of course she didn’t know, she never bloody knew what she wanted. Me or Angel or whoever else the girl wants to shag. And to ask of all questions do I still love her. Did she not remember me, what I did for her. Got a bloody soul for her, did so much for the girl, and still would.

“Buffy” I said in a soft low voice. “Of course I still love you. Can’t just love a girl and then just like that not. I will always love you Buffy.” I look deep into her eyes. “Don’t you remember all that I’ve done for you. I wouldn’t just do that for anyone, you, you were different.” I glance down for a second with a slight grin “Look at me” I laugh “I’m shaking, just from being in your presence. Forgot that effect you had on me”

[trueslayer26]

I looked at him through teary eyes, listening to what he was saying. He did still love me. I was happy in ways I never thought I could be. Why now? Why now was I all of a sudden getting my feelings back for him? It was weird, but I knew now. I knew what I should've told him before.

"Spike..that meant so much, you don't even know." I said to him, a single tear falling from my eye. I quickly wiped it away, but no use, he had seen it already.

I smiled at him through my teary eyes, and finally said it..again.

"Spike, I meant what I said..before. I did, and I know you thought I didn't, but you're wrong." I laughed. "I finally realize now of all times how I feel..about us. All the things you did for me, all of the things you still do for me, it makes me so happy to know that you're always here when I'll need someone."

"But what I'm trying to say is..that I love you too." I said it, finally I said it. Even though I did say it before, this time it was different, I meant it and he knew it, or I hope he did. I just poured out my feelings for him, he better know it.

I stared at him, seeing hi reaction was a shocked one. I waited for whatever it was that he was going to say.

[_fool_for_love]

What I saw next started to shock me. Made the girl cry, not like I haven’t done that before, but this time it was different. I wanted to whip the tear from her face but couldn’t. Didn’t know how she would react, didn’t know if she was crying for a good reason or bad one. Still too scared to make a move. Which no girl ever got me this weak before. Something the Summers girls had in them. Her and Dawn unlike anyone else.

It took her a long time to get to it but finally she got to it. The moment I had always dreamed of, the moment I never thought would come true:

"But what I'm trying to say is..that I love you too."

Something ’bout the way she said it made me melt inside. Made me believe her this time. It almost felt too good to be true. The bloody slayer actually loving me, after all this time. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to just crash into her arms but I couldn’t not yet. Besides I was a big bad, don’t want to get too soft now do I.

“Sure you mean it Summers.” I moved a bit closer to her “Sure your not just overwhelmed by my good looks which you haven’t seen in so long” I managed to joke around ‘bout it. Then returned to a serious look.

I reached my hand out and took hers in mine. “Buffy, I love you. I always have even when I was a big bad. You where all I ever bloody thought about. All I ever wanted. I didn’t realize it right away but now I know even then I loved you, even Dru could tell. You were all she saw in my head.”

[trueslayer26]

I smiled at him as another tear fell down. He wiped it away this time. I sniffed as I looked at him again. Deep into those blue eyes of his..I saw how much he loved me. And I felt so stupid for not realizing it sooner that I felt the same way that he did.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Then I laughed, which is something I haven't done in a while. I smiled at him, still with tears in my eyes.

"Yes, I am overwhelmed Spike.." I said, joking back, but I was serious though.

Then he took my hand in his. I looked down at our hands holding eachothers and I broke down crying then. I couldn' help it. It was mostly a crying of happiness, but also sadness and everything else life brought with it. I stopped crying and looked up at him again.

"I'm sorry..sorry that I never told you before, sorry for being so selfish and mean to you..and sorry that I hurt you so much." I said to him. Then I held his hand tighter in mine and leaned into him, breathing in his once familiar scent. I just sat there, leaning against him, just wanting him to hold me for a while, like he did that night. The night I finally realized how much I cared for him.