(no subject)

Sep 19, 2005 19:16

YEAH MY BEST FRIEND AND I AREN'T BEST FRIENDS ANY MORE!!
FUCK YEAH.
just kidding im pretty much torn apart.

i wish we could go back to middle school.
i miss the friendships i had there.
when kids didn't give a fuck about what they wore.
when there was no "emo" or "scene"
when kids dressed in whateverthehell they wanted,
and didn't have to worry about getting shit from some douche.
high school is proving to be much more difficult then i thought.
my work ethic was low in eight grade and it is really starting to bite me in the ass now.
in fact as im writing this im putting off my math homework.
i thought i wouuld be able to clean up my act in highschool
im finding i am having trouble doing so.
my headphones and soccer are my two best friends.
i can put on my headphones at school and walk around as if in a trance not worrying about the huge project i have awating me at home. not hearing the fags that make fun of me for wearing girl pants. not having to worry about the kids who give me shit for being small.
when i get home it seems my only retreat is soccer.
i go out on the field work my ass off, get all nasty and dirty
and the time i spend out there is time spent with some of the coolest kids around.
its like i can just walk onto the field and school doesn't exist anymore.
sure my parents are nice enough but they expect so much out of me and i find that im best at disapointing them.
and as careless as i seem about that i actually try so hard to impress them.
i watched forrest gump last night and after it went into my room and was staring at the ceiling and the fan and i broke down.
i closed my eyes and relived the first sleep over i ever had with trevor and ryan. there are marks on my fan in the den that are evidence of sleepover to this day.
i remembered meeting tristan for the first time.
i remembered kissing nikki in 6th grade at nick a's birthday party.
i remembered the first year i went to camp.
i remembered the dry ice bomb and new years at nick w's house.
i remembered 6th grade going out with k.roa.
i remembered the first teacher who ever yelled at me. Mr. Murrieta :]
i remembered riding on kristen a's handle bars on the occuring trips i made to her house.
i remembered skating at the chandler skate park with brady.
i remembered the hours we would spend playing marco polo or sharks and minnos at tristans house.
i remembered sneaking out of school in 5th grade while playing world domination with jessy pearson.
i remembered holding hands with hannah walking to p.e and feeling so happy that i could have flown up into the sky.
i remembered the fridays in 5th grade we would walk to my house and spent countless hours playing crash bandicoot or grand theft auto 2.
i remembered the tunnels and the numerous fun/stupid things there.
i remembered the first and last time i smoked.
i remembered getting my first LJ it had a ghetto senses fail background.
i remembered making animal gestures across the room at kim in spanish while she pretended to eat large chunks of her desk.
i remembered auburn falls and short busses last show and how me and kyle moshed :]
i remembered kyle and natalie's going aaway party and me and dylan throwing a dead rat in the pool.
i remembered kissing valerie on our first day being together outside of kayla's front door with my mom parked in the driveway.
i remembered tristans cat dive off his balcony.
i remembered skating home with dylan, nick, kristen and loren and visiting mr. oconell and going to the movies after.
i remembered going to the movies and being obnoxious and thinking i was cool. and now i go to the movies and get pissed at all the obnoxious 6th graders. funny how that works.
man im on a role.
i remembered being in love with kassie jones after trev showed me pictures of her modeling.
i remembered the times i spent with my old soccer team the united aka legacy in las vegas, toucson, and flagstaff.

the hardest part about pouring your emotions out onto a thing like this for kids to see is that i can never find out how to end them. hell, barely any kids read this thing any way so im just gonna end this nice and simple.
i love you all.
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