life called my bluff
right when I'm starting to change a little, granted I'm dragging my feet but still changing nonetheless, life decides its a good idea to force me to step up/change/be someone who want to be but not ready to be yet at a pace I'm not comfortable with. thanks.
the only constant I've had for the past 11 years has been my friend Matt. He's been my best friend. we got into paintball together. hes been there for me through every major thing thats happened to me. 2 parents deaths, several moves, countless other friends, every girlfriend I've ever had. and hes moving. He told me yesterday he is moving to upstate new york. not that I'm opposed to driving to go visit him but this is the kid who's loved no farther 10 minutes away from me for over a decade. once when we were about 15, we skipped driving school to go the marsh and throw rocks at washing machine someone dumped there, just to see who could break it first. I know I'm not losing him as a friend, I've delt with friends moving far away and I'm still good friends with them. But it feels like my brother is moving.
my official last day at sam goody is July 1st. I'm working the same 6-10 hours I always work before then so come visit me. also its not quite secure yet so I won't jinx it but I may have another job making $15 an hour doing maintenance for north suffolk mental health.
$15 an hour at 40 hours a week, mon-fri, 7am-3pm which means no nights, no weekends, which means I'd be able to have a life again AND have money.
hung out with ericaxedge last night. erica is a rad girl, she came with me while I bought shoes at the puma store. we got some ice cream and people watched on newbury. fun times had by all. and possibly she'll be one of my future roommates in an apartment in the allston area.
so as of late I've been questioning my own beliefs alot lately. I basically go to 1 show a month at this point, which is nothing considering I used to go to 2 a week for a while. as much as I drift away from the scene I can begin to tell who my real friends are. and when all is said and done with I'm left with good friends, and my own convictions and thats it. I was one of the kids for a long time that lived and died by what show was where and when. what it boils down to is I'm not a kid anymore. and I'm actually ok with. the only things I'm actually sure of at this point is straightedge will be and still is something that means alot to me. I don't care if my friends are because they wouldn't be my friends if they didn't respect my lifestyle choices. my friends mean the world to me, no matter how scattered across the east coast they are at this point. and I'm going to be pretty picky with who I allow into my life, I think I've earned the right to be a sweetheart to some and an asshole to others. (and this portion of the entry was slightly inspired by someone elses journal because I read it and it got me thinking)
and in closing....
you know I've been saying to myself for a while that I need to establish myself within the things I do and step out of the shadow of other people and my beliefs. as of July 1st I don't have a choice I'm pretty much on my own and this entire entry was just me saying I need to step up. the next few months should be interesting.
the only constant I've had for the past 11 years has been my friend Matt. He's been my best friend. we got into paintball together. hes been there for me through every major thing thats happened to me. 2 parents deaths, several moves, countless other friends, every girlfriend I've ever had. and hes moving. He told me yesterday he is moving to upstate new york. not that I'm opposed to driving to go visit him but this is the kid who's loved no farther 10 minutes away from me for over a decade. once when we were about 15, we skipped driving school to go the marsh and throw rocks at washing machine someone dumped there, just to see who could break it first. I know I'm not losing him as a friend, I've delt with friends moving far away and I'm still good friends with them. But it feels like my brother is moving.
my official last day at sam goody is July 1st. I'm working the same 6-10 hours I always work before then so come visit me. also its not quite secure yet so I won't jinx it but I may have another job making $15 an hour doing maintenance for north suffolk mental health.
$15 an hour at 40 hours a week, mon-fri, 7am-3pm which means no nights, no weekends, which means I'd be able to have a life again AND have money.
hung out with ericaxedge last night. erica is a rad girl, she came with me while I bought shoes at the puma store. we got some ice cream and people watched on newbury. fun times had by all. and possibly she'll be one of my future roommates in an apartment in the allston area.
so as of late I've been questioning my own beliefs alot lately. I basically go to 1 show a month at this point, which is nothing considering I used to go to 2 a week for a while. as much as I drift away from the scene I can begin to tell who my real friends are. and when all is said and done with I'm left with good friends, and my own convictions and thats it. I was one of the kids for a long time that lived and died by what show was where and when. what it boils down to is I'm not a kid anymore. and I'm actually ok with. the only things I'm actually sure of at this point is straightedge will be and still is something that means alot to me. I don't care if my friends are because they wouldn't be my friends if they didn't respect my lifestyle choices. my friends mean the world to me, no matter how scattered across the east coast they are at this point. and I'm going to be pretty picky with who I allow into my life, I think I've earned the right to be a sweetheart to some and an asshole to others. (and this portion of the entry was slightly inspired by someone elses journal because I read it and it got me thinking)
and in closing....
you know I've been saying to myself for a while that I need to establish myself within the things I do and step out of the shadow of other people and my beliefs. as of July 1st I don't have a choice I'm pretty much on my own and this entire entry was just me saying I need to step up. the next few months should be interesting.