I am a bad bad person
Although I have been in an unusually(for me) good mood for the past couple weeks I feel kinda depressed today. Its not that I had a horrible day at school..because nothing eventful happens at school(good or bad) most of the time anyway.
I just feel lost, like my life has no direction-because it really doesn't. Economics makes me sad-It made me feel like I am a fool for living day to day and not always planning for tmw. I mean I know you should plan, and i do, but i don't see anything wrong with living in the "moment".I never believed that people should plan every single day and always worry about the future.It is good to plan but i mean sometimes something comes up and you have to drop one or a couple of your plans,you know? or no?God...
And my dad had a heart murmur(i dont really know what that is) and a mild heart attack today right after he dropped me off at school in the morning, i just found out. He's still in the hospital.
I always feel numb,emotionless, or like i dont know what to feel when i get news like that. I hate this.I feel like a horrible person for not feeling any kind of specific horrible emotion. I want to cry but i can't.I want someone to talk to, like a friend(but they are all busy) or a boyfriend. yoohoo...
I find this whole situation with my dad hard to talk about to anyone in person or on the phone.
I feel like such a self absorbed person.
I felt this way when my grandma died. Until she died i had never experienced a death in my family. I also didn't get along with her very well before she died, i wasn't very nice, i felt really guilty and just like a really bad person. I kinda feel that way now.
I'm not good at expressing emotions,especially sad ones.
I am just horrible.
I am also a slacker b/c i didn't even start on my senior project yet. I got the research but no outline, so no paper.
I have been trying hard lately to be in a good mood,i am trying really hard today.
I hope nothing worse comes up because i dont know if i can deal with it now.
I just feel lost, like my life has no direction-because it really doesn't. Economics makes me sad-It made me feel like I am a fool for living day to day and not always planning for tmw. I mean I know you should plan, and i do, but i don't see anything wrong with living in the "moment".I never believed that people should plan every single day and always worry about the future.It is good to plan but i mean sometimes something comes up and you have to drop one or a couple of your plans,you know? or no?God...
And my dad had a heart murmur(i dont really know what that is) and a mild heart attack today right after he dropped me off at school in the morning, i just found out. He's still in the hospital.
I always feel numb,emotionless, or like i dont know what to feel when i get news like that. I hate this.I feel like a horrible person for not feeling any kind of specific horrible emotion. I want to cry but i can't.I want someone to talk to, like a friend(but they are all busy) or a boyfriend. yoohoo...
I find this whole situation with my dad hard to talk about to anyone in person or on the phone.
I feel like such a self absorbed person.
I felt this way when my grandma died. Until she died i had never experienced a death in my family. I also didn't get along with her very well before she died, i wasn't very nice, i felt really guilty and just like a really bad person. I kinda feel that way now.
I'm not good at expressing emotions,especially sad ones.
I am just horrible.
I am also a slacker b/c i didn't even start on my senior project yet. I got the research but no outline, so no paper.
I have been trying hard lately to be in a good mood,i am trying really hard today.
I hope nothing worse comes up because i dont know if i can deal with it now.