Suggestions on Destiny
These are ONLY suggestions, baby doll. This is your world and your characters. All in all, I think
it's a really good story and the characters are likeable and believable. Just some minor things:
Scene 1: Seems a bit too short and abrupt for such
a serious situation, especially when introducing
a character that the audience knows nothing about.
Scene 7: Might be nice for Destiny and Ann to have
a bit more of a 'depthful' conversation before the
scene ends. It just seems like that they just start
talking and then it's over.
*You may want to make more points and views into
Destiny's 'cutting' problem. Let the audience
see it several times or let her have a conversation
with herself or someone else.
It just seems very abrupt, like it
sprang out of nowhere.
End of Act 1: Personally, I don't think Anthony
should concede to going to rehab clinic outright.
I believe that at first, he should still try to
maintain his "I'm okay" exterior, but then he
goes anyway.
Act 2, Scene 1: Play out the conversation
with Kim and her Mama about Elaine being pregnant.
Just from reading the script, it's almost as if
the news is blase and not really that big of a
shocker.
I might have missed something, but I wasn't completely
aware that Kim and Antony had a relationship going
on earlier in the story and I kinda felt like it was
just thrown out there. Might want to make a point
to point it out more clearly.
A little bit chaotic there towards the end. Might
want to strecth it out just a bit. It just seems like
people are dyin left and right just a bit too quick.
I know that's what you're going for. A giant quick
sweep of tragedy. It just seems...rushed. You might
want to elaborate on each death some more. More conversations.
More scenes, maybe.
it's a really good story and the characters are likeable and believable. Just some minor things:
Scene 1: Seems a bit too short and abrupt for such
a serious situation, especially when introducing
a character that the audience knows nothing about.
Scene 7: Might be nice for Destiny and Ann to have
a bit more of a 'depthful' conversation before the
scene ends. It just seems like that they just start
talking and then it's over.
*You may want to make more points and views into
Destiny's 'cutting' problem. Let the audience
see it several times or let her have a conversation
with herself or someone else.
It just seems very abrupt, like it
sprang out of nowhere.
End of Act 1: Personally, I don't think Anthony
should concede to going to rehab clinic outright.
I believe that at first, he should still try to
maintain his "I'm okay" exterior, but then he
goes anyway.
Act 2, Scene 1: Play out the conversation
with Kim and her Mama about Elaine being pregnant.
Just from reading the script, it's almost as if
the news is blase and not really that big of a
shocker.
I might have missed something, but I wasn't completely
aware that Kim and Antony had a relationship going
on earlier in the story and I kinda felt like it was
just thrown out there. Might want to make a point
to point it out more clearly.
A little bit chaotic there towards the end. Might
want to strecth it out just a bit. It just seems like
people are dyin left and right just a bit too quick.
I know that's what you're going for. A giant quick
sweep of tragedy. It just seems...rushed. You might
want to elaborate on each death some more. More conversations.
More scenes, maybe.