Church Clothes (3/6): Chuck
Title: Church Clothes (3/6)
Series Title: Five Times Chuck and Sarah share a bed for their cover (and one time they just do)
Author:
blueeyelinerx
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah, Ellie, Awesome, guest appearance by Karina
Word Count: 3275
Summary: Plus, attending the wedding means staying in another hotel room together and if the kiss at the Buy More was any indication, she cannot trust herself in the same sleeping space as Chuck Bartowski.
Spoilers/Warnings: up to 1x11: Chuck vs. the Crown Vic
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to NBC. I’m just playing during the writers’ strike.
Author’s Notes: This is the third of five situations that Chuck and Sarah sleep together for their cover (plus one bonus story!) There's a Friday Night Lights easter egg in the story (a stolen line) that I make no claim on ... good luck to those trying to find it!
The invitation comes on a Tuesday. Ellie’s sorting through the mail after dinner. “Chuck! Did you see these?”
Chuck turns from the TV show he’s watching with Sarah. “See what?”
“Wedding invitations. Susie Kemple is getting married.”
“Susie Kemple? Our cousin Susie Kemple?”
“Yes. In two weeks. We’re both invited.”
“Shotgun wedding,” Chuck muses and Sarah hits him on the shoulder.
“Chuck, that’s not a nice thing to say about your cousin,” she admonishes him.
“No, it’s probably right,” Ellie says darkly. “She’s a slut.”
Chuck grins at his sister. “You’re still mad that she hit on Awesome that one time.”
“It was right in front of me!” snaps Ellie indignantly.
“Does this mean we don’t have to go?” Chuck asks hopefully.
Ellie sets her jaw. “Oh, we’re going. And I’m going to wear that dress I wore to the hospital’s Christmas party and Devon and I are going to have a great time.”
Chuck stares at her. “Ellie, you’re scaring me.”
Ellie softens. “Plus, we have to see the loser she roped into giving her a ring.” She leaves the kitchen for her bedroom. “Hey, Devon?” she calls.
Chuck turns to Sarah. “My family, ladies and gentleman,” he jokes. “Hey - ” and just like that, with one word, he’s serious again. “I understand if you don’t want to come to this. Weddings are kind of crazy and intense and out of our cover realm and we can just tell Ellie that you have to work or something.” He’s not looking at her, has his eyes fixed on the wall behind her head, and he’s so ready for her to agree and beg out of the wedding, it hurts Sarah to see.
Technically, she should say no though. There’s really no need for her to be there: it’s not necessary for their cover and the odds of him flashing on something at a family wedding are slim to none. Plus, attending the wedding means staying in another hotel room together and if the kiss at the Buy More was any indication, she cannot trust herself in the same sleeping space as Chuck Bartowski.
“Are you kidding?” she tells him and god, she is so weak. How did she ever become an agent, anyway? “I want to see Ellie face off with your cousin.”
The look of delight on Chuck’s face is completely worth it.
---
Two weeks later, her cell phone sounds louder than normal in the quiet hotel room. Sarah glances at the closed bathroom door after looking at the caller ID.
“Where are you? I’m standing in your room and you’re not here.”
Sarah grits her teeth at Karina’s intrusion to her apartment. “That’s because I’m not in LA.”
“Oh, did you get rid of that drab assignment? Good for you.”
“No, I’m in Newport with Chuck.”
“On a mission?”
Sarah hesitates. “No,” she finally admits. “We’re at his cousin’s wedding.”
“You’re the geek’s plus one to his cousin’s wedding in Newport.” It’s a statement, not a question and Karina’s voice could not possibly sound more incredulous. It’s a talent, Sarah thinks, to be able to accomplish such disdain by repeating words already spoken. Karina pauses. “Well, wedding guest sex is always really good.”
“Karina!”
“Oh, my god. You’re not sleeping with him. Well, I’m impressed Sarah.”
“And why is that?”
“Sarah, you need me to spell it out? Well, fine - you’ve always had a certain … attraction to partners, that’s all. Unless you’re sleeping with Casey?”
“I’m not sleeping with anyone, Karina. I’m a professional. I have an assignment. I’m here, doing my job.”
“Well, you’re not doing your job,” leers Karina. “I don’t know what you’re being so uptight about. It helps break up the monotony. Why do you think Casey keeps coming back, even after Prague? Everyone does it.”
“Well, not Chuck and I. This is just our cover.”
Sarah can practically hear Karina’s eye roll. “Your cover does not need any work. The way he looks at you …” Sarah says nothing, doesn’t allow herself to get pulled into a back and forth about Chuck’s feelings for her. “Well, suit yourself. Personally, I think if you’re going to be stuck in a lederhosen rotating hot dogs all day while waiting on a computer geek to flash on super secret government information, you owe it to yourself to liven it up a little. Plus, it’d give him a thrill. He wouldn’t know what hit him.”
“And that’s why it’s not going to happen.”
“All right, all right,” Karina back off but she knows she’s gotten under Sarah’s skin. “But if you do happen to sleep with him, gimme a progress report. If he’s any good, maybe I’ll look him up next time I’m in LA instead of you.” She hangs up without letting Sarah retort.
Sarah jams the end button with her thumb and drops the phone angrily onto the dresser.
“Who was that?” asks Chuck from behind her and Sarah has to stop herself from jumping in surprise. She turns and finds Chuck emerging from the bathroom in his suit pants and a crisp white dress shirt. He has two ties in his hands and he holds them up for her to choose.
“Weinerlicious,” Sarah lies, hoping he only heard the last part of the conversation. He doesn’t call her bluff and she points to the blue and grey stripped tie in his left hand. “They wanted me to come in tomorrow but I told them I couldn’t.”
Chuck nods and looks into the mirror to put on his tie. Sarah goes back to doing her make-up in the same mirror. She can’t help but wonder what it would be like to get ready in the same space everyday. She lets herself daydream for a few minutes about putting on makeup, choosing clothes, fixing her hair, all while talking and laughing with Chuck. It’s just the right sort of routine she wants sometimes, the kind of routine she wants more and more these days. It’s a dangerous feeling.
She sighs. You are the worst agent ever, Walker, she tells herself sternly.
Chuck finishes with his tie and sits on the bed to watch her finish with her make-up. “I cannot believe we are going to this wedding.”
“Your family can’t be that bad.”
“They’re not bad,” Chuck hedges. “We’re just not close. This is my mom’s side and after she left, we really only kept in sporadic touch.”
Sarah doesn’t know what to say so she doesn’t say anything. She gives her lashes a final swipe of mascara and announces, “I’m ready.”
Chuck jumps up from the bed and gives her a once over. Sarah knows what he sees: a long emerald green dress with a conservative neckline but a plunging back that hugs her curves. Her blonde hair is long and loose, a perfect compliment to the green color, and she has small diamond jewelry accenting her ears and wrists. He’s seen her dressed up a hundred times but she’ll never get used to the way Chuck’s eyes widen slightly or the way his mouth curves into a gentle smile or how he tilts his head and just appreciates.
“You’re gorgeous,” he breathes.
Sarah blushes. It’s been a long time since anyone has said that to her and meant it as seriously as Chuck. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself,” she teases and reaches a hand up to fix his tie. She thinks of the hundreds of other times she’s done the same thing, at the Buy More and before missions, and wonders why this time it feels different. Not different like the time he had stepped out of her reach when they were going to that gambling event but different like she is hoping he’d step closer.
Their eyes hold for a second, brown ones meeting blue ones, and Sarah knows she’s not imagining how thick the room feels with tension.
Chuck blinks and the spell is broken. He steps back from her abruptly. “We should get going,” he says and his voice isn’t quite steady.
“Yeah,” Sarah says and grabs her coat.
--
The ceremony is quick and easy (“just like Susie,” mutters Chuck when Sarah tells him) and the reception generally consists of meeting family members Chuck’s never mentioned and making polite conversation. Most of the relatives seem fairly shocked that Sarah is Chuck’s girlfriend and she tries not to feel angry on his account. He may be a little socially retarded but he’s got a good soul and he’s funny and charming and loyal too. And he looks really good in a suit. Like, really good.
Thankfully, Ellie and Awesome come back from the buffet line and interrupt that line of thinking. “You look very pretty,” Sarah tells her and she’s not sure why she constantly feels shy around her. Even after bonding in New Orleans, there’s something intimidating about the older woman, which is sort of ridiculous because Ellie has been nothing but friendly to her. There’s a part of Sarah that sometimes is jealous of how confident Ellie is in her job and her family and her life. Sarah used to feel like that, a while ago, and now she struggles every day to find that confidence. Not necessary the skills set part of her job, she’s one of the CIA’s best agents and has brought down hundreds of bad guys, but the constant moving and lying and always keeping people at arms length part takes more and more effort these days. Sarah’s not confident in the direction she wants to go in anymore and that’s the most dangerous thing that can happen to an agent. It can make her sloppy and it can make her negligent and it can get her killed.
She’s putting herself and Casey and Chuck in a bad position and there’s really only one solution. Except that it’s really the last thing she wants to do.
The DJ puts on Mariah Carey’s Hero and Chuck groans. “This DJ is the worst.”
“I love this song!” Sarah and Ellie exclaim together. They both turn to their dates and speak together again. “Come on, let’s dance.” Surprised, they turn to each other and laugh.
“This is not good,” Chuck mutters darkly at the sight of the two giggling together. Sarah ignores him and drags him onto the dance floor. Chuck’s not a dancer but slow dancing doesn’t really require much skill. He just prays the close proximity doesn’t cause him to do anything stupid.
He rests his hands lightly at the nape of Sarah’s neck in a slightly possessive hold and Sarah inches close to him. Sarah hums a few bars of the song, laughing at Chuck’s pained expression. “This song reminds me of senior prom,” he says.
“Good memories or bad memories?” Sarah asks.
Chuck gives her a half smile. “Mostly good. I went with Meghan Monaghan. She was in my English class and I think I was in love with her.”
Something in his smile triggers Sarah’s interest. “Chuck, tell me you’re not a prom cliché. Tell me you didn’t lose your virginity to your senior prom date on prom night.”
Chuck can’t come up with a witty response fast enough and Sarah groans. “Chuck! I expected better of you.”
Chuck straightens his back. “It was a magical night,” he tells her solemnly before breaking out a grin of his own. “Well, what about you? What experience did you have that was so much better than mine?”
Sarah leans into Chuck, her heels putting her in reach of his ears. She whispers, “Chuck, I don’t know if you know this but - I’m a virgin.” She leans back and Chuck’s jaw drops.
“Really? I never would have thought … I mean, that’s great. Wait, seriously?”
Sarah tries to keep the joke up but she can’t. Chuck’s face is so incredulous and he’s trying so hard to be diplomatic about it, she takes pity on him. Sarah shakes her head and bursts out laughing, loud enough to draw stares from fellow dances. She sees Ellie smile at them from across the room and she gives her a little finger wave. “No, Chuck. It was a joke.”
“Well, it wasn’t very funny.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I told you I wasn’t funny.” Sarah shifts closer and lays her head on his chest. He reaches a hand up to smooth her hair down and Sarah resists the urge to sigh in contentment. The best part is Chuck doesn’t even realize she’s eluded giving out personal information yet again.
--
Sarah and Ellie tag team Chuck into dancing for most of the night. Awesome plays along too, joking that Chuck really needs a tango to display his dancing skills and Sarah wonders not for the first time how exactly that teaching session went down. Even with being forced to dance, Chuck’s a good sport about it; he is at least more comfortable now with Sarah than the first time they danced, more willing to make a fool of himself. Not that it takes much, of course.
Sarah has a blast with him, more fun than she’s ever had at a wedding before. She can’t help but compare Chuck and Bryce sometimes, beyond the obvious ones like how Chuck is so much less smooth than Bryce was. Bryce was dangerous and spontaneous and being with him was like being on one big constant rollercoaster. She had thought she loved him and maybe she had, but they were the type of couple that fueled their relationship on adventure and intrigue and Sarah sometimes found herself lost in the silence between assignments.
Chuck’s the polar opposite. The adventure and danger’s too much for him most of the time and he’s most comfortable in the moments where the quiet threatens to overwhelm him. He doesn’t lead a glamorous or dramatic life but he’s OK with his small, tight group of family and friends who would do anything for each other. He’s a wimp when faced with most situations but he always manages to persevere and come out unscathed on the other side. Chuck makes Sarah feel safe - not in the I’ll protect you way but in the way that he gives her something she thought she hadn’t wanted, something she thought she had left behind years ago and maybe that’s the entire basis of his appeal: his normality.
After a while, they take a break from dancing to get water and get some air. As they walk towards the lobby, they pass a supply closet on the way and Sarah acts before she even realizes it. She pulls him into it and closes the door behind him, ensconcing them in darkness. “Sarah, what -?”
She finds Chuck in the darkness and pushes him against the wall. He reaches his arms out to stead himself and grabs onto her arms. Sarah leans against him and fuses her lips to his because she can’t find the words to explain how she feels and she hopes this is enough.
(It’s not enough, it’ll only confuse him more and will break the tenuous balance they have between the unspoken real attraction and their cover relationship but weddings have always screwed with Sarah’s emotions and just once, she’d like to do something she wants rather than something she should.)
It’s a passionate kiss, deep and wet and perfect. It’s a kiss that hints at hours spent between hotel sheets and do not disturb signs on the door. It’s a kiss that causes Chuck to grab at Sarah, wrap one of her legs around him and tilt their hips together. It’s a kiss that makes Sarah push his suit jacket to the floor, needing to get rid of that layer in an effort closer to him.
Chuck’s hands are everywhere, against her bare back, ghosting over her butt, fisting in her hair. Even when confronted with a kiss like this, a kiss that speaks of unrespectable things, he manages to keep his hands in mostly respectable places. She arches into him so there’s no space between them and twists her body, silently giving him permission to put his hands anywhere. She rubs wantonly against him, feeling his arousal hard against her hip, and he responds by kissing her more passionately, clutching her tighter, as if at any moment Sarah is going to step back and declare this a mistake.
Sarah’s so far from that reality, it’s unbelievable, and her hands are at his waist, untucking his shirt, when the door opens, flooding the supply closet with light. Sarah blinks in the sudden harsh light.
“Oops, we didn’t realize this closet was occupied!” comes a distinctly female voice. Sarah squints and steps gingerly away from Chuck, aware of what they must look like: disheveled and well-kissed.
“Hi, Susie,” Chuck says and it is Chuck’s cousin, her wedding dress taking over most of the doorway. Her new husband stands behind her, grinning lecherously at Chuck and Sarah.
Susie cocks her head and stares at Sarah. “I don’t think we met,” she says and her voice is high and childlike. “I’m Susie, Chuck’s cousin.”
Sarah smoothes her dress down, the rumpled silk her scarlet letter. “Sarah, Chuck’s girlfriend. Congratulations on your marriage,” she adds weakly.
“Thanks!” squeaks Susie. “Well, we’ll just be going then.” She winks at Chuck and closes the door, leaving them in darkness again. Now Sarah knows that they are surrounded by toilet paper and paper towels and liquid soap, she feels stupid. Sarah sits down heavily on a stack of paper towels and blows out a sigh. She’s embarrassed, mostly, and immensely relieved that Susie interrupted when she did because it was certainly going in a bad direction.
“Was your cousin going to consummate her marriage in this supply closet?” Sarah asks and it’s the only thing she can think to say that doesn’t involve the words sorry or Intersect.
Chuck wrinkles his brow. “I think she was.” He sounds both incredulous and disgusted. There’s a beat where they both think about that and then they burst out laughing.
--
There’s nothing to do but head up to the hotel room after that. Sarah touches Chuck’s arm after he’s opened the door and he jerks away from her as if he’s been burned. “Sarah,” he says and his voice is rough and husky. “Please just - don’t touch me right now. I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
There was a time in her life that Sarah would have been proud that she could cause such a reaction in a man with just a vigorous make out session. Now, she just feels sad. Sarah slinks over to her suitcase and pulls out her pajamas. Chuck does the same and slips into the bathroom, muttering something about a cold shower.
Sarah turns on the TV and flips around without actually seeing the images on the screen. She has no idea how long she sits there, thinking but not coming up with answers. Chuck comes out of the shower a long time later, his face pink from the cold water, and he refuses to look at her. Sarah knows he’s bursting with questions, that the emotional rollercoaster she’s put him through is taking a toll on his mental and physical patience, that he feels she’s being a tease and toying with his emotions.
“Chuck,” she says. He looks at her, his face a mask. “I really like you.”
His smile is brilliant and there’s a lot to still figure out - things like compromising the Intersect and her career at the CIA - but when Sarah falls asleep cuddled into Chuck’s arms, none of that matters.
and I don't know anymore,
wish someone would tell me who to be.
because I'm ready, I'm ready to try anything….
I want to be brand new, I want to trade in these wings,
mine don't work like yours do.
+ church clothes, matt nathanson
Series Title: Five Times Chuck and Sarah share a bed for their cover (and one time they just do)
Author:
blueeyelinerx
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Chuck/Sarah, Ellie, Awesome, guest appearance by Karina
Word Count: 3275
Summary: Plus, attending the wedding means staying in another hotel room together and if the kiss at the Buy More was any indication, she cannot trust herself in the same sleeping space as Chuck Bartowski.
Spoilers/Warnings: up to 1x11: Chuck vs. the Crown Vic
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to NBC. I’m just playing during the writers’ strike.
Author’s Notes: This is the third of five situations that Chuck and Sarah sleep together for their cover (plus one bonus story!) There's a Friday Night Lights easter egg in the story (a stolen line) that I make no claim on ... good luck to those trying to find it!
The invitation comes on a Tuesday. Ellie’s sorting through the mail after dinner. “Chuck! Did you see these?”
Chuck turns from the TV show he’s watching with Sarah. “See what?”
“Wedding invitations. Susie Kemple is getting married.”
“Susie Kemple? Our cousin Susie Kemple?”
“Yes. In two weeks. We’re both invited.”
“Shotgun wedding,” Chuck muses and Sarah hits him on the shoulder.
“Chuck, that’s not a nice thing to say about your cousin,” she admonishes him.
“No, it’s probably right,” Ellie says darkly. “She’s a slut.”
Chuck grins at his sister. “You’re still mad that she hit on Awesome that one time.”
“It was right in front of me!” snaps Ellie indignantly.
“Does this mean we don’t have to go?” Chuck asks hopefully.
Ellie sets her jaw. “Oh, we’re going. And I’m going to wear that dress I wore to the hospital’s Christmas party and Devon and I are going to have a great time.”
Chuck stares at her. “Ellie, you’re scaring me.”
Ellie softens. “Plus, we have to see the loser she roped into giving her a ring.” She leaves the kitchen for her bedroom. “Hey, Devon?” she calls.
Chuck turns to Sarah. “My family, ladies and gentleman,” he jokes. “Hey - ” and just like that, with one word, he’s serious again. “I understand if you don’t want to come to this. Weddings are kind of crazy and intense and out of our cover realm and we can just tell Ellie that you have to work or something.” He’s not looking at her, has his eyes fixed on the wall behind her head, and he’s so ready for her to agree and beg out of the wedding, it hurts Sarah to see.
Technically, she should say no though. There’s really no need for her to be there: it’s not necessary for their cover and the odds of him flashing on something at a family wedding are slim to none. Plus, attending the wedding means staying in another hotel room together and if the kiss at the Buy More was any indication, she cannot trust herself in the same sleeping space as Chuck Bartowski.
“Are you kidding?” she tells him and god, she is so weak. How did she ever become an agent, anyway? “I want to see Ellie face off with your cousin.”
The look of delight on Chuck’s face is completely worth it.
---
Two weeks later, her cell phone sounds louder than normal in the quiet hotel room. Sarah glances at the closed bathroom door after looking at the caller ID.
“Where are you? I’m standing in your room and you’re not here.”
Sarah grits her teeth at Karina’s intrusion to her apartment. “That’s because I’m not in LA.”
“Oh, did you get rid of that drab assignment? Good for you.”
“No, I’m in Newport with Chuck.”
“On a mission?”
Sarah hesitates. “No,” she finally admits. “We’re at his cousin’s wedding.”
“You’re the geek’s plus one to his cousin’s wedding in Newport.” It’s a statement, not a question and Karina’s voice could not possibly sound more incredulous. It’s a talent, Sarah thinks, to be able to accomplish such disdain by repeating words already spoken. Karina pauses. “Well, wedding guest sex is always really good.”
“Karina!”
“Oh, my god. You’re not sleeping with him. Well, I’m impressed Sarah.”
“And why is that?”
“Sarah, you need me to spell it out? Well, fine - you’ve always had a certain … attraction to partners, that’s all. Unless you’re sleeping with Casey?”
“I’m not sleeping with anyone, Karina. I’m a professional. I have an assignment. I’m here, doing my job.”
“Well, you’re not doing your job,” leers Karina. “I don’t know what you’re being so uptight about. It helps break up the monotony. Why do you think Casey keeps coming back, even after Prague? Everyone does it.”
“Well, not Chuck and I. This is just our cover.”
Sarah can practically hear Karina’s eye roll. “Your cover does not need any work. The way he looks at you …” Sarah says nothing, doesn’t allow herself to get pulled into a back and forth about Chuck’s feelings for her. “Well, suit yourself. Personally, I think if you’re going to be stuck in a lederhosen rotating hot dogs all day while waiting on a computer geek to flash on super secret government information, you owe it to yourself to liven it up a little. Plus, it’d give him a thrill. He wouldn’t know what hit him.”
“And that’s why it’s not going to happen.”
“All right, all right,” Karina back off but she knows she’s gotten under Sarah’s skin. “But if you do happen to sleep with him, gimme a progress report. If he’s any good, maybe I’ll look him up next time I’m in LA instead of you.” She hangs up without letting Sarah retort.
Sarah jams the end button with her thumb and drops the phone angrily onto the dresser.
“Who was that?” asks Chuck from behind her and Sarah has to stop herself from jumping in surprise. She turns and finds Chuck emerging from the bathroom in his suit pants and a crisp white dress shirt. He has two ties in his hands and he holds them up for her to choose.
“Weinerlicious,” Sarah lies, hoping he only heard the last part of the conversation. He doesn’t call her bluff and she points to the blue and grey stripped tie in his left hand. “They wanted me to come in tomorrow but I told them I couldn’t.”
Chuck nods and looks into the mirror to put on his tie. Sarah goes back to doing her make-up in the same mirror. She can’t help but wonder what it would be like to get ready in the same space everyday. She lets herself daydream for a few minutes about putting on makeup, choosing clothes, fixing her hair, all while talking and laughing with Chuck. It’s just the right sort of routine she wants sometimes, the kind of routine she wants more and more these days. It’s a dangerous feeling.
She sighs. You are the worst agent ever, Walker, she tells herself sternly.
Chuck finishes with his tie and sits on the bed to watch her finish with her make-up. “I cannot believe we are going to this wedding.”
“Your family can’t be that bad.”
“They’re not bad,” Chuck hedges. “We’re just not close. This is my mom’s side and after she left, we really only kept in sporadic touch.”
Sarah doesn’t know what to say so she doesn’t say anything. She gives her lashes a final swipe of mascara and announces, “I’m ready.”
Chuck jumps up from the bed and gives her a once over. Sarah knows what he sees: a long emerald green dress with a conservative neckline but a plunging back that hugs her curves. Her blonde hair is long and loose, a perfect compliment to the green color, and she has small diamond jewelry accenting her ears and wrists. He’s seen her dressed up a hundred times but she’ll never get used to the way Chuck’s eyes widen slightly or the way his mouth curves into a gentle smile or how he tilts his head and just appreciates.
“You’re gorgeous,” he breathes.
Sarah blushes. It’s been a long time since anyone has said that to her and meant it as seriously as Chuck. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself,” she teases and reaches a hand up to fix his tie. She thinks of the hundreds of other times she’s done the same thing, at the Buy More and before missions, and wonders why this time it feels different. Not different like the time he had stepped out of her reach when they were going to that gambling event but different like she is hoping he’d step closer.
Their eyes hold for a second, brown ones meeting blue ones, and Sarah knows she’s not imagining how thick the room feels with tension.
Chuck blinks and the spell is broken. He steps back from her abruptly. “We should get going,” he says and his voice isn’t quite steady.
“Yeah,” Sarah says and grabs her coat.
--
The ceremony is quick and easy (“just like Susie,” mutters Chuck when Sarah tells him) and the reception generally consists of meeting family members Chuck’s never mentioned and making polite conversation. Most of the relatives seem fairly shocked that Sarah is Chuck’s girlfriend and she tries not to feel angry on his account. He may be a little socially retarded but he’s got a good soul and he’s funny and charming and loyal too. And he looks really good in a suit. Like, really good.
Thankfully, Ellie and Awesome come back from the buffet line and interrupt that line of thinking. “You look very pretty,” Sarah tells her and she’s not sure why she constantly feels shy around her. Even after bonding in New Orleans, there’s something intimidating about the older woman, which is sort of ridiculous because Ellie has been nothing but friendly to her. There’s a part of Sarah that sometimes is jealous of how confident Ellie is in her job and her family and her life. Sarah used to feel like that, a while ago, and now she struggles every day to find that confidence. Not necessary the skills set part of her job, she’s one of the CIA’s best agents and has brought down hundreds of bad guys, but the constant moving and lying and always keeping people at arms length part takes more and more effort these days. Sarah’s not confident in the direction she wants to go in anymore and that’s the most dangerous thing that can happen to an agent. It can make her sloppy and it can make her negligent and it can get her killed.
She’s putting herself and Casey and Chuck in a bad position and there’s really only one solution. Except that it’s really the last thing she wants to do.
The DJ puts on Mariah Carey’s Hero and Chuck groans. “This DJ is the worst.”
“I love this song!” Sarah and Ellie exclaim together. They both turn to their dates and speak together again. “Come on, let’s dance.” Surprised, they turn to each other and laugh.
“This is not good,” Chuck mutters darkly at the sight of the two giggling together. Sarah ignores him and drags him onto the dance floor. Chuck’s not a dancer but slow dancing doesn’t really require much skill. He just prays the close proximity doesn’t cause him to do anything stupid.
He rests his hands lightly at the nape of Sarah’s neck in a slightly possessive hold and Sarah inches close to him. Sarah hums a few bars of the song, laughing at Chuck’s pained expression. “This song reminds me of senior prom,” he says.
“Good memories or bad memories?” Sarah asks.
Chuck gives her a half smile. “Mostly good. I went with Meghan Monaghan. She was in my English class and I think I was in love with her.”
Something in his smile triggers Sarah’s interest. “Chuck, tell me you’re not a prom cliché. Tell me you didn’t lose your virginity to your senior prom date on prom night.”
Chuck can’t come up with a witty response fast enough and Sarah groans. “Chuck! I expected better of you.”
Chuck straightens his back. “It was a magical night,” he tells her solemnly before breaking out a grin of his own. “Well, what about you? What experience did you have that was so much better than mine?”
Sarah leans into Chuck, her heels putting her in reach of his ears. She whispers, “Chuck, I don’t know if you know this but - I’m a virgin.” She leans back and Chuck’s jaw drops.
“Really? I never would have thought … I mean, that’s great. Wait, seriously?”
Sarah tries to keep the joke up but she can’t. Chuck’s face is so incredulous and he’s trying so hard to be diplomatic about it, she takes pity on him. Sarah shakes her head and bursts out laughing, loud enough to draw stares from fellow dances. She sees Ellie smile at them from across the room and she gives her a little finger wave. “No, Chuck. It was a joke.”
“Well, it wasn’t very funny.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I told you I wasn’t funny.” Sarah shifts closer and lays her head on his chest. He reaches a hand up to smooth her hair down and Sarah resists the urge to sigh in contentment. The best part is Chuck doesn’t even realize she’s eluded giving out personal information yet again.
--
Sarah and Ellie tag team Chuck into dancing for most of the night. Awesome plays along too, joking that Chuck really needs a tango to display his dancing skills and Sarah wonders not for the first time how exactly that teaching session went down. Even with being forced to dance, Chuck’s a good sport about it; he is at least more comfortable now with Sarah than the first time they danced, more willing to make a fool of himself. Not that it takes much, of course.
Sarah has a blast with him, more fun than she’s ever had at a wedding before. She can’t help but compare Chuck and Bryce sometimes, beyond the obvious ones like how Chuck is so much less smooth than Bryce was. Bryce was dangerous and spontaneous and being with him was like being on one big constant rollercoaster. She had thought she loved him and maybe she had, but they were the type of couple that fueled their relationship on adventure and intrigue and Sarah sometimes found herself lost in the silence between assignments.
Chuck’s the polar opposite. The adventure and danger’s too much for him most of the time and he’s most comfortable in the moments where the quiet threatens to overwhelm him. He doesn’t lead a glamorous or dramatic life but he’s OK with his small, tight group of family and friends who would do anything for each other. He’s a wimp when faced with most situations but he always manages to persevere and come out unscathed on the other side. Chuck makes Sarah feel safe - not in the I’ll protect you way but in the way that he gives her something she thought she hadn’t wanted, something she thought she had left behind years ago and maybe that’s the entire basis of his appeal: his normality.
After a while, they take a break from dancing to get water and get some air. As they walk towards the lobby, they pass a supply closet on the way and Sarah acts before she even realizes it. She pulls him into it and closes the door behind him, ensconcing them in darkness. “Sarah, what -?”
She finds Chuck in the darkness and pushes him against the wall. He reaches his arms out to stead himself and grabs onto her arms. Sarah leans against him and fuses her lips to his because she can’t find the words to explain how she feels and she hopes this is enough.
(It’s not enough, it’ll only confuse him more and will break the tenuous balance they have between the unspoken real attraction and their cover relationship but weddings have always screwed with Sarah’s emotions and just once, she’d like to do something she wants rather than something she should.)
It’s a passionate kiss, deep and wet and perfect. It’s a kiss that hints at hours spent between hotel sheets and do not disturb signs on the door. It’s a kiss that causes Chuck to grab at Sarah, wrap one of her legs around him and tilt their hips together. It’s a kiss that makes Sarah push his suit jacket to the floor, needing to get rid of that layer in an effort closer to him.
Chuck’s hands are everywhere, against her bare back, ghosting over her butt, fisting in her hair. Even when confronted with a kiss like this, a kiss that speaks of unrespectable things, he manages to keep his hands in mostly respectable places. She arches into him so there’s no space between them and twists her body, silently giving him permission to put his hands anywhere. She rubs wantonly against him, feeling his arousal hard against her hip, and he responds by kissing her more passionately, clutching her tighter, as if at any moment Sarah is going to step back and declare this a mistake.
Sarah’s so far from that reality, it’s unbelievable, and her hands are at his waist, untucking his shirt, when the door opens, flooding the supply closet with light. Sarah blinks in the sudden harsh light.
“Oops, we didn’t realize this closet was occupied!” comes a distinctly female voice. Sarah squints and steps gingerly away from Chuck, aware of what they must look like: disheveled and well-kissed.
“Hi, Susie,” Chuck says and it is Chuck’s cousin, her wedding dress taking over most of the doorway. Her new husband stands behind her, grinning lecherously at Chuck and Sarah.
Susie cocks her head and stares at Sarah. “I don’t think we met,” she says and her voice is high and childlike. “I’m Susie, Chuck’s cousin.”
Sarah smoothes her dress down, the rumpled silk her scarlet letter. “Sarah, Chuck’s girlfriend. Congratulations on your marriage,” she adds weakly.
“Thanks!” squeaks Susie. “Well, we’ll just be going then.” She winks at Chuck and closes the door, leaving them in darkness again. Now Sarah knows that they are surrounded by toilet paper and paper towels and liquid soap, she feels stupid. Sarah sits down heavily on a stack of paper towels and blows out a sigh. She’s embarrassed, mostly, and immensely relieved that Susie interrupted when she did because it was certainly going in a bad direction.
“Was your cousin going to consummate her marriage in this supply closet?” Sarah asks and it’s the only thing she can think to say that doesn’t involve the words sorry or Intersect.
Chuck wrinkles his brow. “I think she was.” He sounds both incredulous and disgusted. There’s a beat where they both think about that and then they burst out laughing.
--
There’s nothing to do but head up to the hotel room after that. Sarah touches Chuck’s arm after he’s opened the door and he jerks away from her as if he’s been burned. “Sarah,” he says and his voice is rough and husky. “Please just - don’t touch me right now. I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
There was a time in her life that Sarah would have been proud that she could cause such a reaction in a man with just a vigorous make out session. Now, she just feels sad. Sarah slinks over to her suitcase and pulls out her pajamas. Chuck does the same and slips into the bathroom, muttering something about a cold shower.
Sarah turns on the TV and flips around without actually seeing the images on the screen. She has no idea how long she sits there, thinking but not coming up with answers. Chuck comes out of the shower a long time later, his face pink from the cold water, and he refuses to look at her. Sarah knows he’s bursting with questions, that the emotional rollercoaster she’s put him through is taking a toll on his mental and physical patience, that he feels she’s being a tease and toying with his emotions.
“Chuck,” she says. He looks at her, his face a mask. “I really like you.”
His smile is brilliant and there’s a lot to still figure out - things like compromising the Intersect and her career at the CIA - but when Sarah falls asleep cuddled into Chuck’s arms, none of that matters.
and I don't know anymore,
wish someone would tell me who to be.
because I'm ready, I'm ready to try anything….
I want to be brand new, I want to trade in these wings,
mine don't work like yours do.
+ church clothes, matt nathanson