Better that I break the window than forget what I had to say

[_hauntedxheart_]

So I'm beginning to adjust to the surreal collegiate existance. To not having a bell telling me where to go. To having to pay eighteen dollars for a bound packet of photocopied text excerpts. To sitting unnaturally close to some random boy I've never met who repeatedly takes off his glasses and rubs his face with his hands while I attempt to stay concious for a thrilling lecture on the theory of special relativity. To walking up seven flights of stairs to avoid the chaos that is the lobby of Silver. To calling my Writing the Essay professor "Bruce" and trying not to feel awkward when he uses the word "fuck" in class. To a newspaper meeting where I'm recieving assignments, not handing them out. To reading ungodly amounts of Nietzsche. To fighting the frightening, hypnotic urge to jump to my death when looking down at the tile in the lobby of the Bobst Library. To conversing with people who have to sing for homework. To the haunting tune of the NYC Mister Softie trucks. To doing laundry at odd times hoping to beat the crowd. To drunken floormates staggering into my room late at night on Saturday. To surveying the dining hall like a lost fourth grader, desperately searching for a vacant seat (preferably next to someone I know). To recognizing classmates from Facebook, but not saying anything out of fear of looking like a stalker. To not hearing my Mom's voice everyday. To learning to love Starbuck's coffee, even though the smallest size is called a Tall. To passing random C-list comedians on MacDougal St. without thinking twice about it. To twelve year old boys who play guitar in Washington Square and rock harder than I ever could. To anonymous squeals, sqweaks, and screams echoing throughout the hall. To mice and cockroaches that have been given names. To living without television for two weeks (this can't go on). To hanging out with Liz being the most eventful and distinct outing of my week.

I'd say that I'm unhappy, that I miss my home and my family and my friends, but that would be redundant.

Mostly I'm just floating through this day by day.
It still doesn't feel permanent.

*jmj)