bah
in this moment i feel so alone. surrounded by people who love me and yet.. i feel unloved. sad i know. depressing yes yes i know.. and yet i cant shake this feeling. perhaps it is due to my lack of leaving things to chance.. i have to know things before i attempt them and so on.. idk im just tired of having my heart broken ya know. and yes i do know i will never find it if i do not put my self out there and see where things go.. but that is the problem. when people get close and start to care i push them away why because i do not want to get attached or be the one heart broken.. it is way easier to hurt someone else then to be hurt.. i know i am selfish but eh im 20 and a single parent of a kid whos dad doesnt do shit.. so its easy to keep my wall up.. i don't know what to do anymore... help??