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every now and then, i like to day dream about flying. how fun would that be? just to jump up as high as you possibly can and begin to fly... it would be amazing.
anyways, shit happened.
and the story goes a little something like this...
i fell in love. no, i didn't fall... i crashed. the only regret i have in my life is letting him go, but on the plus side, i learned something. i learned that i am and always will be a strong person whether he is there or not. i confessed my feelings to him. unfortunately, he wasn't in a sober state of mind. opium, i'm for sure. i'm also guessing a little bit of pot and a few hits of crack. either way, i told him how i felt. i knew i could have been diving into a hole i never wanted to go down called rejection. but i did it anyways. and i came face to face with the one demon i've been escaping my entire life. yeah, that's right, rejection didn't just slap me in the face, rejection beat the hell out of me and made sure i wouldn't go back for more. i am okay with that. finally, i stood up to my fears and said "fuck you." i made sure it was obvious that i was going to say what i had to say, even if it killed him. and that's exactly what i did. am i sad? no, not at all. i'm proud that i finally put myself on the spot, i didn't know what the results were but i took the risk anyways. when i put my feelings out in the open, i decided i did what needed to be done and i left. the walk back to the car felt like it would never end, but not once did i turn back to see if he was watching me. truthfully, i hope he was. i hope the image i left him with that night will haunt him for the rest of his life. and my last hope is that one day he'll realize that he willingly let the best thing that ever happened to him walk out of his life. and maybe that'll be his only regret.
but you know what, that's okay. because i can make it on my own. and i have a new reason to smile. this is him:
no, not a boyfriend. just a matt. he makes me giggle. when he's around, it reminds me of when i was a kid. laughing, joking. not to mention attempting to tape up his wall but failing miserably and after giving up on trying, we just lay in his bed and laugh at the noises we both make. he's just a nice guy. and i enjoy his company.
and courtney:
probably one of the sketchiest people i know. half of the time, she doesn't answer her phone. sometimes, she makes it seem like she could care less about how i'm doing. she's pissed me off unlimited times but i love her more than anything. she makes me want to stay strong. she's one of the only people i consider a real friend. she's my sister, she's my everything. she's a life saver, literally.
but you know what? at least i can still look a little pretty after i get my heart thrown into a meat grinder.
anyways, shit happened.
and the story goes a little something like this...
i fell in love. no, i didn't fall... i crashed. the only regret i have in my life is letting him go, but on the plus side, i learned something. i learned that i am and always will be a strong person whether he is there or not. i confessed my feelings to him. unfortunately, he wasn't in a sober state of mind. opium, i'm for sure. i'm also guessing a little bit of pot and a few hits of crack. either way, i told him how i felt. i knew i could have been diving into a hole i never wanted to go down called rejection. but i did it anyways. and i came face to face with the one demon i've been escaping my entire life. yeah, that's right, rejection didn't just slap me in the face, rejection beat the hell out of me and made sure i wouldn't go back for more. i am okay with that. finally, i stood up to my fears and said "fuck you." i made sure it was obvious that i was going to say what i had to say, even if it killed him. and that's exactly what i did. am i sad? no, not at all. i'm proud that i finally put myself on the spot, i didn't know what the results were but i took the risk anyways. when i put my feelings out in the open, i decided i did what needed to be done and i left. the walk back to the car felt like it would never end, but not once did i turn back to see if he was watching me. truthfully, i hope he was. i hope the image i left him with that night will haunt him for the rest of his life. and my last hope is that one day he'll realize that he willingly let the best thing that ever happened to him walk out of his life. and maybe that'll be his only regret.
but you know what, that's okay. because i can make it on my own. and i have a new reason to smile. this is him:
no, not a boyfriend. just a matt. he makes me giggle. when he's around, it reminds me of when i was a kid. laughing, joking. not to mention attempting to tape up his wall but failing miserably and after giving up on trying, we just lay in his bed and laugh at the noises we both make. he's just a nice guy. and i enjoy his company.
and courtney:
probably one of the sketchiest people i know. half of the time, she doesn't answer her phone. sometimes, she makes it seem like she could care less about how i'm doing. she's pissed me off unlimited times but i love her more than anything. she makes me want to stay strong. she's one of the only people i consider a real friend. she's my sister, she's my everything. she's a life saver, literally.
but you know what? at least i can still look a little pretty after i get my heart thrown into a meat grinder.