Making something out of nothing.
Hm.
I've been officially taking a break from Adam for about five hours now.
I've cried so much my eyes are swollen to twice their size- not even kidding. It scared me.
I have that "thing" about eyes and when I looked in the mirror my heart about stopped.
Things have been sucking a lot lately... ever since he went and drank at Aaron's house. I don't care if it one only one drink. We talked about it and he knew beforehand that we would be done if it ever came about he was drinking. He BEGGED me to keep him. He didn't want it to be over because of something so "stupid". I accepted and he made me feel HORRIBLE about being upset with him. The one condition I had for him was to stop hanging out with Aaron until he stopped drinking. That didn't happen. The next day he was over there.
FINE. I got mad about that because it was the only thing I had asked for! I wanted my views and feelings to be accepted as one of a human, and I certainly wasn't expecting to be treated as a GIRLFRIEND should be at this point.
-MY EYES KILL. Computer screen is a bad choice.-
We were okay for a little bit, or I thought so, anyway. He started to have these weird mood swings. Like, one class period he would be happy, and the next he would be super pissy. It was like a pregnant woman. If I brought it up he would freak out.
I found out today that the happy times were only pretend.
I walked with him before fifth hour and he was being antisocial again, so it kind of threw me. I started to walk with him before sixth hour and asked, "What's wrong?" He got defensive and told me nothing. He then walked to his locker, much faster, leaving me behind. I walked after him, hoping he would not be as mean. I stood there and he walked by without even looking at me and went directly into his classroom.
After school I went to my locker. He walked up behind me with his arms crossed. I asked what he wanted. I told him I couldn't keep dealing with this, especially with guard and exams. He told me we weren't going to work if we kept fighting like this. -Hm! What had I been saying for MONTHS?- I told him that I felt he treated me terribly. He didn't see anything wrong with how he acted.
We talked for half an hour or so and decided we're taking a break. I think a lot of this unneeded stress on us comes from having to go to school. Adam hates it and I have a zero hour. We both have exams and presentations since it's the end of the year. He got hit by a car, so that took up a good chunk of time. He's in his punk band. He has lessons on Wednesdays, I have guard Tuesday and Thursday. It doesn't leave a whole lot of time to be together. We were spending time together maybe once every week or two.
We're both going up north this weekend and we'll have exams soon. A few weeks apart will give us a chance to rest our minds and bodies from so much stress. He can take his free time and sleep, since he doesn't do a lot of that. I can spin some more on my own and get new glasses, maybe a haircut. My friends miss me. My wisdom teeth come out on June 22 and we're hoping to talk before then and maybe give it another try. It would be nice to have things back to how they were in the summer and fall... (Ashley will probably understand the way summer seems to make things better.) Winter was bad and I told him to wait until summer. We'd be fantastic.
ANYWAY. As of now, we are not official. We aren't going to speak until school ends. I gave a year of my life and some other various things to that boy, and I just can't see it being a waste. Maybe it is, but closure will come later.
I've been officially taking a break from Adam for about five hours now.
I've cried so much my eyes are swollen to twice their size- not even kidding. It scared me.
I have that "thing" about eyes and when I looked in the mirror my heart about stopped.
Things have been sucking a lot lately... ever since he went and drank at Aaron's house. I don't care if it one only one drink. We talked about it and he knew beforehand that we would be done if it ever came about he was drinking. He BEGGED me to keep him. He didn't want it to be over because of something so "stupid". I accepted and he made me feel HORRIBLE about being upset with him. The one condition I had for him was to stop hanging out with Aaron until he stopped drinking. That didn't happen. The next day he was over there.
FINE. I got mad about that because it was the only thing I had asked for! I wanted my views and feelings to be accepted as one of a human, and I certainly wasn't expecting to be treated as a GIRLFRIEND should be at this point.
-MY EYES KILL. Computer screen is a bad choice.-
We were okay for a little bit, or I thought so, anyway. He started to have these weird mood swings. Like, one class period he would be happy, and the next he would be super pissy. It was like a pregnant woman. If I brought it up he would freak out.
I found out today that the happy times were only pretend.
I walked with him before fifth hour and he was being antisocial again, so it kind of threw me. I started to walk with him before sixth hour and asked, "What's wrong?" He got defensive and told me nothing. He then walked to his locker, much faster, leaving me behind. I walked after him, hoping he would not be as mean. I stood there and he walked by without even looking at me and went directly into his classroom.
After school I went to my locker. He walked up behind me with his arms crossed. I asked what he wanted. I told him I couldn't keep dealing with this, especially with guard and exams. He told me we weren't going to work if we kept fighting like this. -Hm! What had I been saying for MONTHS?- I told him that I felt he treated me terribly. He didn't see anything wrong with how he acted.
We talked for half an hour or so and decided we're taking a break. I think a lot of this unneeded stress on us comes from having to go to school. Adam hates it and I have a zero hour. We both have exams and presentations since it's the end of the year. He got hit by a car, so that took up a good chunk of time. He's in his punk band. He has lessons on Wednesdays, I have guard Tuesday and Thursday. It doesn't leave a whole lot of time to be together. We were spending time together maybe once every week or two.
We're both going up north this weekend and we'll have exams soon. A few weeks apart will give us a chance to rest our minds and bodies from so much stress. He can take his free time and sleep, since he doesn't do a lot of that. I can spin some more on my own and get new glasses, maybe a haircut. My friends miss me. My wisdom teeth come out on June 22 and we're hoping to talk before then and maybe give it another try. It would be nice to have things back to how they were in the summer and fall... (Ashley will probably understand the way summer seems to make things better.) Winter was bad and I told him to wait until summer. We'd be fantastic.
ANYWAY. As of now, we are not official. We aren't going to speak until school ends. I gave a year of my life and some other various things to that boy, and I just can't see it being a waste. Maybe it is, but closure will come later.