(no subject)
I'm such a Christmas jerk this year. The combination of ennui (my word of choice currently) and my ever-present need to be liked (or in this case, praised) has fueled my gift-giving this year. This has resulted in my desire to give coming not from a good, loving place, but from a place in me that requires some sort of vindication, like by giving more and better presents to people, I can win Christmas or something ridiculous like that.
Honestly, I don't know where this comes from. Okay, I have an idea. Between my mom getting married to someone who pretty much has made it clear that he doesn't like me (or rather is completely indifferent) and Kris's mom going complete 180 on me (I thought we were cool, but apparently not) I seem to have developed a sick desire to buy people's affections. I understand this isn't really possible, that they will like me or not regardless of what I give them (but have some sense of appreciation), but it's so deliciously satisfying.
So so so satisfying. I have a problem.
Oh well, this was one of my best Christmases in a while!
Honestly, I don't know where this comes from. Okay, I have an idea. Between my mom getting married to someone who pretty much has made it clear that he doesn't like me (or rather is completely indifferent) and Kris's mom going complete 180 on me (I thought we were cool, but apparently not) I seem to have developed a sick desire to buy people's affections. I understand this isn't really possible, that they will like me or not regardless of what I give them (but have some sense of appreciation), but it's so deliciously satisfying.
So so so satisfying. I have a problem.
Oh well, this was one of my best Christmases in a while!