(no subject)
My dreams were so bizarre last night. Brandon was there, which was odd, as I haven't had a dream about him in a very long time.
He was haunting me, he wouldn't leave me alone. I was in South Carolina, and I didn't want to be there. He was right next to me, walking down the road. I could feel myself folding into myself, tightening and tensing. Thinking back, I am now realizing I never looked at his face, I didn't want to see him. My dream was full of faces, faces of people I don't even know, but not him. I had to get away, I wanted not just Kris, but my friends, all of them. I was in a room full of people, laughing and happy, and he was there, silent and pulling my muscles taught. Every time I turned around, there he was, not saying anything.
I have no idea what it means, if it means anything. But what I thought was interesting was how I felt when I woke up. There was no longing or sadness, like there was in dreams of him in the past. There wasn't anger, like there has been when I've thought of him in the past. There wasn't anything. I'm free now.
I'm happy, I am so so happy. My life feels whole and complete and healthy, like a once sick tree. I was hacked at, thick branches cut back. It hurt a whole hell of a lot, but in the end the disease is gone.
I hope he's happy too.
He was haunting me, he wouldn't leave me alone. I was in South Carolina, and I didn't want to be there. He was right next to me, walking down the road. I could feel myself folding into myself, tightening and tensing. Thinking back, I am now realizing I never looked at his face, I didn't want to see him. My dream was full of faces, faces of people I don't even know, but not him. I had to get away, I wanted not just Kris, but my friends, all of them. I was in a room full of people, laughing and happy, and he was there, silent and pulling my muscles taught. Every time I turned around, there he was, not saying anything.
I have no idea what it means, if it means anything. But what I thought was interesting was how I felt when I woke up. There was no longing or sadness, like there was in dreams of him in the past. There wasn't anger, like there has been when I've thought of him in the past. There wasn't anything. I'm free now.
I'm happy, I am so so happy. My life feels whole and complete and healthy, like a once sick tree. I was hacked at, thick branches cut back. It hurt a whole hell of a lot, but in the end the disease is gone.
I hope he's happy too.