Dear Tucson
Dear Tucson,
You're cloudy today, and rainy. I opened my window and I let your creosote perfume drift in. You masked the smell of a dirty boy. Thanks. Now I won't have to clean my room for at least another two days--maybe three if the clouds stay for a while longer. I don't think another city would do that for me.
So we've been knowing each other for a while now and we've had our ups and downs. I despise you often, appreciate you little, complain about you daily, curse your name nightly. You were never right for me--with your dustiness, your small townishness, your stupid fucking inhabitants. I hated growing up in you, fa'real. I always wondered what I would be like or how great I could have been had I lived outside your walls. I felt like an insect in a fucking Venus Fly Trap. All a brotha wanted to do was experience something bigger and better, and get the chance to really explore myself in a way that you never really allowed. Am I worse off because of you? I'll never know. But I never hesitate to think of the all the possibilities denied me, because of you. I've wanted to leave never come back for years now. And now I am.
My last months with you have reinforced all those feelings. It's been a hard year for me. I've been more unhappy with you than ever before. Shit just never got good here. My life has been stagnant, repetitive, unfulfilled. You deferred a lot of motha fucking dreams. But despite all my disgust with you in these final days, you made me see how much you've actually done for me. And dare I say it--you made me realize how much I love you.
So I don't hate you, Tucson. How can I hate something that has given me so many fond memories? You were the place where my mother, sister and I were all brought together. We were made a family, in you. I love them so much in part, because we've shared memory after memory, in you. And I feel guilty, Tucson, for leaving them. I'm breaking us up. I don't want my mom to be lonely, and I'm going to miss my annoying my sister. I find solace, however, in the fact that they will continue to be nurtured by you.
And I'll always come back to you. How could I not? You introduced me to some incredible people; people who I know will always be in my life no matter where I go. I remember when I first met Klocko in the 2nd grade. She had this big ol' bow and a foofy dress on. Little did I know that this bossy, overly-organized and corny little girl would become one of my most cherished friends, who goes out of her way to help me. There are no words to express my gratitude to her. She's family.
Then you brought Sadie, Amanda, and Melissa to me. We've had some crazy fucking times over the years. These girls made me grow up. They showed me (often inadvertently) that there is so much more outside of you, Tucson. They made me think, and question, and rebel. And through our tumultuous friendship that was filled with laughter and good times mixed long spells of hatred and dislike, I began to understand myself. And I'm indebted to them.
And of course, you brought Damon. The jury is still out on whether I should hate you or love you for bringing this person into my life. That was a whirlwind year with him. I had never cried and hurt as much as I did when I was with him. I was defenseless and broken-down. But at the same time, I learned about love. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. He was the first person I ever really loved, which in-turn made me love myself. With him, I learned to embrace who I was made to be. And even though we didn't end things in the best of ways, he is someone who will always have an immense impact on my life.
And now you've brought me LaTisha and Chris, my hands-down best friends this year. We are a trinity. I always have fun with them. Drunken nights, trips to Phoenix, their good dancing and my excuse for dancing. They showed me how to let lose, let love, and let live. I'm sad to be leaving them because I feel like our already deep friendship is just beginning. But I also know that it isn't ending. And I'm glad.
So now that I'm about to embark on this incredible adventure, I'm realizing how hard it's going to be to leave you. You're my home, Tucson, and leaving a home is never easy. I'm about to be thrusted into a completely foreign place, away from all the comforts that you have provided me. When I'm in DC and people ask where I'm from, I will be proud to rep you. You are where I'm from, and I am who I am because of you. I'm going to miss your ass so much. Your heat, your mountains, your traffic, your boringness, your saguaros and blooming palo verdes, your roadrunners and noisy cicadas, your food, your stupid fucking inhabitants, your small-townishness, your cheap gas, my friends and family that all live in you. The smell of creosote that drifts in from my open window and masks the smell of a dirty boy.
I love you, Tucson,
Alex
You're cloudy today, and rainy. I opened my window and I let your creosote perfume drift in. You masked the smell of a dirty boy. Thanks. Now I won't have to clean my room for at least another two days--maybe three if the clouds stay for a while longer. I don't think another city would do that for me.
So we've been knowing each other for a while now and we've had our ups and downs. I despise you often, appreciate you little, complain about you daily, curse your name nightly. You were never right for me--with your dustiness, your small townishness, your stupid fucking inhabitants. I hated growing up in you, fa'real. I always wondered what I would be like or how great I could have been had I lived outside your walls. I felt like an insect in a fucking Venus Fly Trap. All a brotha wanted to do was experience something bigger and better, and get the chance to really explore myself in a way that you never really allowed. Am I worse off because of you? I'll never know. But I never hesitate to think of the all the possibilities denied me, because of you. I've wanted to leave never come back for years now. And now I am.
My last months with you have reinforced all those feelings. It's been a hard year for me. I've been more unhappy with you than ever before. Shit just never got good here. My life has been stagnant, repetitive, unfulfilled. You deferred a lot of motha fucking dreams. But despite all my disgust with you in these final days, you made me see how much you've actually done for me. And dare I say it--you made me realize how much I love you.
So I don't hate you, Tucson. How can I hate something that has given me so many fond memories? You were the place where my mother, sister and I were all brought together. We were made a family, in you. I love them so much in part, because we've shared memory after memory, in you. And I feel guilty, Tucson, for leaving them. I'm breaking us up. I don't want my mom to be lonely, and I'm going to miss my annoying my sister. I find solace, however, in the fact that they will continue to be nurtured by you.
And I'll always come back to you. How could I not? You introduced me to some incredible people; people who I know will always be in my life no matter where I go. I remember when I first met Klocko in the 2nd grade. She had this big ol' bow and a foofy dress on. Little did I know that this bossy, overly-organized and corny little girl would become one of my most cherished friends, who goes out of her way to help me. There are no words to express my gratitude to her. She's family.
Then you brought Sadie, Amanda, and Melissa to me. We've had some crazy fucking times over the years. These girls made me grow up. They showed me (often inadvertently) that there is so much more outside of you, Tucson. They made me think, and question, and rebel. And through our tumultuous friendship that was filled with laughter and good times mixed long spells of hatred and dislike, I began to understand myself. And I'm indebted to them.
And of course, you brought Damon. The jury is still out on whether I should hate you or love you for bringing this person into my life. That was a whirlwind year with him. I had never cried and hurt as much as I did when I was with him. I was defenseless and broken-down. But at the same time, I learned about love. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. He was the first person I ever really loved, which in-turn made me love myself. With him, I learned to embrace who I was made to be. And even though we didn't end things in the best of ways, he is someone who will always have an immense impact on my life.
And now you've brought me LaTisha and Chris, my hands-down best friends this year. We are a trinity. I always have fun with them. Drunken nights, trips to Phoenix, their good dancing and my excuse for dancing. They showed me how to let lose, let love, and let live. I'm sad to be leaving them because I feel like our already deep friendship is just beginning. But I also know that it isn't ending. And I'm glad.
So now that I'm about to embark on this incredible adventure, I'm realizing how hard it's going to be to leave you. You're my home, Tucson, and leaving a home is never easy. I'm about to be thrusted into a completely foreign place, away from all the comforts that you have provided me. When I'm in DC and people ask where I'm from, I will be proud to rep you. You are where I'm from, and I am who I am because of you. I'm going to miss your ass so much. Your heat, your mountains, your traffic, your boringness, your saguaros and blooming palo verdes, your roadrunners and noisy cicadas, your food, your stupid fucking inhabitants, your small-townishness, your cheap gas, my friends and family that all live in you. The smell of creosote that drifts in from my open window and masks the smell of a dirty boy.
I love you, Tucson,
Alex