Out of Obscurity
I'm beginning to realize that I'm not as obscure as I once thought I was. When I see people that I went to middle school and high school with, (that I didn't even really like, let alone talk to) I'm utterly surprised to find out that they remember me and are oddly nice to me.
I remembered really disliking some of these people...legitimately and truly. I disliked them because of what they represented, some random rude or mean comment they made to me (which probably wouldn't be that angering to a present-day Alex), or because I was just jealous.
And now I feel dumb. I wasted so much time of my life in high school hating and disliking, when most people who I directed my anger towards probably and definitely didn't deserve it. Sure there were a few who made my life miserable who I don't regret hating, but for the most part I'm now seeing that all my ill-feelings were useless and pointless.
I also feel dumb, because I'm sure that I was that guy to a few people too. The guy who makes snide, cutting remarks. Or, the guy who receives a love note from a wholly unattractive girl, reads it, and discards it right in front of her. I really was (am?) an asshole and I absolutely made someone's life miserable. The sad thing is, I will never know who I made feel like shit. If I didn't know it then, I won't now (unless they miraculously appear later on in my life and try to kill me for causing them emotional pain and suffering back in the day).
It's mind-bottling how many different people we come in contact with over even a one year span, let alone a decade. It's even more mind-bottling to come to the realization that despite the fleetingness and rapidity of many of those encounters, you still have such a profound and quite serious effect on a person. We really are a product of each other. As much as I tout being an individual, I wouldn't be one without the collective assholes, friends, lovers, or random people who I've crossed paths with in my short life.
I guess growing up, or at least a part of it, is finding out the value or worth in each person. Obscure or not.
I remembered really disliking some of these people...legitimately and truly. I disliked them because of what they represented, some random rude or mean comment they made to me (which probably wouldn't be that angering to a present-day Alex), or because I was just jealous.
And now I feel dumb. I wasted so much time of my life in high school hating and disliking, when most people who I directed my anger towards probably and definitely didn't deserve it. Sure there were a few who made my life miserable who I don't regret hating, but for the most part I'm now seeing that all my ill-feelings were useless and pointless.
I also feel dumb, because I'm sure that I was that guy to a few people too. The guy who makes snide, cutting remarks. Or, the guy who receives a love note from a wholly unattractive girl, reads it, and discards it right in front of her. I really was (am?) an asshole and I absolutely made someone's life miserable. The sad thing is, I will never know who I made feel like shit. If I didn't know it then, I won't now (unless they miraculously appear later on in my life and try to kill me for causing them emotional pain and suffering back in the day).
It's mind-bottling how many different people we come in contact with over even a one year span, let alone a decade. It's even more mind-bottling to come to the realization that despite the fleetingness and rapidity of many of those encounters, you still have such a profound and quite serious effect on a person. We really are a product of each other. As much as I tout being an individual, I wouldn't be one without the collective assholes, friends, lovers, or random people who I've crossed paths with in my short life.
I guess growing up, or at least a part of it, is finding out the value or worth in each person. Obscure or not.