the date is here.
Around 4 am tomorow I will already be on the way to Canada.
It isn't easy for me to speak. Which is why I don't. Or at least I don't mention the important things. I try to avoid things that definitely shouldn't be avoided.
Maybe I look for things in the wrong places and in the wrong people.
The point is at this moment I feel very confused. I feel as if I am a horrible person. I hate who I have come. yeah, self loathing fuck you.
It's not one of those situations in which I think that I need to be "saved" and that I need love. There is no saving me at this point. If there ever was a time that needed to be done, it has passed.
This is a situation that will need time and patience of my own.
I need to remember how to live without those who I rely on the most. Because they won't always be there, and almost arent there now.
I went to sleep crying and woke up crying. Crying at myself. Because of everything I have done and haven't. Every lie I have told. Every secret I have kept. Every chance I didn't take.
Time to start over I guess. Time to forget everything, and just start again.
everyone who cares should come see me later today. and for those who don't. untill next time...
this will probably be my last update for awhile. I don't know how often I'll get online since aol dosent have any access numbers for the area I'l be in. I'll try post the address and telephone number when I get it so you can all write me letters. ( and you better )
and everyone who wants me to write to them should give me their address as well.
I updated my website since I'm leaving, and I got a new guestbook. you should all sign the new one.
I guess that's all. I'll be back around august 12th, not too long. I hope everyone has a good summer.
It isn't easy for me to speak. Which is why I don't. Or at least I don't mention the important things. I try to avoid things that definitely shouldn't be avoided.
Maybe I look for things in the wrong places and in the wrong people.
The point is at this moment I feel very confused. I feel as if I am a horrible person. I hate who I have come. yeah, self loathing fuck you.
It's not one of those situations in which I think that I need to be "saved" and that I need love. There is no saving me at this point. If there ever was a time that needed to be done, it has passed.
This is a situation that will need time and patience of my own.
I need to remember how to live without those who I rely on the most. Because they won't always be there, and almost arent there now.
I went to sleep crying and woke up crying. Crying at myself. Because of everything I have done and haven't. Every lie I have told. Every secret I have kept. Every chance I didn't take.
Time to start over I guess. Time to forget everything, and just start again.
everyone who cares should come see me later today. and for those who don't. untill next time...
this will probably be my last update for awhile. I don't know how often I'll get online since aol dosent have any access numbers for the area I'l be in. I'll try post the address and telephone number when I get it so you can all write me letters. ( and you better )
and everyone who wants me to write to them should give me their address as well.
I updated my website since I'm leaving, and I got a new guestbook. you should all sign the new one.
I guess that's all. I'll be back around august 12th, not too long. I hope everyone has a good summer.