I don't know
So fuck.
I broke up with Ben on Friday. I'm not sure whether I regret it or not; I still love him a lot. But at this point in both of our lives, well, it's just not a good idea for us to be together. I was hoping maybe when I got my shit together and he got his shit together perhaps we could try something again...slow...like a date here and there....but he nulled that idea tonight and I guess my heart is in my stomache right now. But other than that, I'm taking the break up very well. Not getting emo or depressed. Still having fun and smiling.
But now I'm sort of regreting moving back here. I mean it was lovely being with my ladies last night, but Devin's leaving and Chloe has her own very separate life away from me, not to mention she's always busy. And I have nothing to do with myself. Nothing to occupy my time. I've been doing some errands, reading a wee bit, but why couldn't I be in Olympia doing the same thing?
I mean, I'm taking a quarter off for a reason. I need to do something with myself. I need to fill the void, I need to fullfill something, I need to feel comfortable in my own skin and have some direction in life. But WHERE THE FUCK DOES ONE START? I mean, I don't even know how to keep my days occupied! It was stupid to assume that pieces would fall together all nice and neat, I didn't REALLY expect it too, but I didn't plan on feeling so hopelessly lost. I don't even feel like seeing most of my old friends. Well that would probably be different if I still have a boyfriend, I don't know how one effects the other but it does.
I have a need to do something physical with my hands. Make stuff. A cabinet, a shelf, a bench. I want to sweat, I want callouses, I want to swing a hammer even if it means smashing a couple fingers. I want satisfaction. I want to be proud of myself. I want to learn somthing thats not in a classroom. I want to fall asleep in my lovers arms:(
I broke up with Ben on Friday. I'm not sure whether I regret it or not; I still love him a lot. But at this point in both of our lives, well, it's just not a good idea for us to be together. I was hoping maybe when I got my shit together and he got his shit together perhaps we could try something again...slow...like a date here and there....but he nulled that idea tonight and I guess my heart is in my stomache right now. But other than that, I'm taking the break up very well. Not getting emo or depressed. Still having fun and smiling.
But now I'm sort of regreting moving back here. I mean it was lovely being with my ladies last night, but Devin's leaving and Chloe has her own very separate life away from me, not to mention she's always busy. And I have nothing to do with myself. Nothing to occupy my time. I've been doing some errands, reading a wee bit, but why couldn't I be in Olympia doing the same thing?
I mean, I'm taking a quarter off for a reason. I need to do something with myself. I need to fill the void, I need to fullfill something, I need to feel comfortable in my own skin and have some direction in life. But WHERE THE FUCK DOES ONE START? I mean, I don't even know how to keep my days occupied! It was stupid to assume that pieces would fall together all nice and neat, I didn't REALLY expect it too, but I didn't plan on feeling so hopelessly lost. I don't even feel like seeing most of my old friends. Well that would probably be different if I still have a boyfriend, I don't know how one effects the other but it does.
I have a need to do something physical with my hands. Make stuff. A cabinet, a shelf, a bench. I want to sweat, I want callouses, I want to swing a hammer even if it means smashing a couple fingers. I want satisfaction. I want to be proud of myself. I want to learn somthing thats not in a classroom. I want to fall asleep in my lovers arms:(