(Untitled)
There are no words quite so elegant
Or eloquent enough to express to you
The strength with which my heart beats.
Be it your desire for this soul to wait,
It would freeze for eternity. Until, when
Summoned by your love, it would live again.
Be it your desire to break these ties,
A tempered-steel blade would bring swift
Action upon these binds, ( Read more... )
Or eloquent enough to express to you
The strength with which my heart beats.
Be it your desire for this soul to wait,
It would freeze for eternity. Until, when
Summoned by your love, it would live again.
Be it your desire to break these ties,
A tempered-steel blade would bring swift
Action upon these binds, ( Read more... )
Your icon: **even more giggles**
Joe: If you hadn't listened to Becca, I'd have found you in between classes (I know your IB schedule because a couple of months ago, we had the same teachers one period after another) and forced you myself. But, since you were as sick as you said, you wouldn't have spent that much time at school, anyway.
Wow, that sounded almost cheerful. It wasn't meant to. Feel better.
I has ur birFdei giFFFFt. O.o
Poem: That's some interesting imagery (in that it's very intense and there are different images being presented in almost every stanza). I'm used to looking at Todd's stuff, so it's a little different. The only obvious error I found was the wording of the ninth line.
1) Perhaps "bonds" instead of "binds" would work better. "Binds" sound more like a verb.
2) "Tear" might need to be replaced by "sliced" or another synonym of that word, because blades usually slice or cut. Tearing suggests that the blade is being improperly wielded, or it's dull.
[If the blade is representative of the speaker's determination to grant the wishes of the person they're addressing, then the blade might be in better shape, and used with more finesse.]
3) I think it should be "at your whim." Saying "at whim" sounds like the whim being described is the blade's whim.
...I'm going to stop now. I'm not going to do a lengthy proofreading unless you want me to. I only pointed that out because I noticed it as a was reading.
Oh. "Nauseous. N-A-U-S-E-O-U-S. Nauseous."
I really will stop now, because you're ill and it's not your fault. **is shot**
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