(no subject)
it's been a while...
i feel like i should update this. like i should make some sort of documentation of where i am right now....
i feel very stuck. i love arcadia, but i have no direction. im a political science major... but what does that mean? i have no clue what i want to do with my life. i have no passion anymore. my life is dull.
that's not fair to say though. i have a wonderful life. i have the most amazing person in the world in my life. for the first time ever, i feel like someone really understands me and just loves me for who i am. someone that follows through on promises. someone that i love. not in a romantic way however. which i think is what makes this even better. it's nice to have someone to snuggle with that i dont question my feelings for. it is what it is. and it's perfect. (well... for now anyways. who knows how long perfection lasts... but lets not even think about that right now.) but i often think how unfair it is to be so dependent on someone else, especially someone i am not romantically involved with... hmm... right now. im just living. and this life is very up and down. school is hard. especially when i dont even know why i am here or what im working so hard for. r.a.ing is the most stressful thing in my life. i often wonder if it's worth it. i wonder if i am really helping anyone or if this is just a shit job that ive been offered b/c i really cant turn things down... oh well... i get myself into these situations. i need to suck it up and deal a little better. haha.
but right now-i have so much work to do. this weekend was incredible, but i didnt even touch my school work. it was worth it though. the aquarium with my coady was the best time i've had in a while. and then dinner w/my family and just bringing all of the most important people in my life together was awesome. :)
i feel like i should update this. like i should make some sort of documentation of where i am right now....
i feel very stuck. i love arcadia, but i have no direction. im a political science major... but what does that mean? i have no clue what i want to do with my life. i have no passion anymore. my life is dull.
that's not fair to say though. i have a wonderful life. i have the most amazing person in the world in my life. for the first time ever, i feel like someone really understands me and just loves me for who i am. someone that follows through on promises. someone that i love. not in a romantic way however. which i think is what makes this even better. it's nice to have someone to snuggle with that i dont question my feelings for. it is what it is. and it's perfect. (well... for now anyways. who knows how long perfection lasts... but lets not even think about that right now.) but i often think how unfair it is to be so dependent on someone else, especially someone i am not romantically involved with... hmm... right now. im just living. and this life is very up and down. school is hard. especially when i dont even know why i am here or what im working so hard for. r.a.ing is the most stressful thing in my life. i often wonder if it's worth it. i wonder if i am really helping anyone or if this is just a shit job that ive been offered b/c i really cant turn things down... oh well... i get myself into these situations. i need to suck it up and deal a little better. haha.
but right now-i have so much work to do. this weekend was incredible, but i didnt even touch my school work. it was worth it though. the aquarium with my coady was the best time i've had in a while. and then dinner w/my family and just bringing all of the most important people in my life together was awesome. :)