(no subject)
this past week is kind of a blur. i went back to school sometime on wednesday... studied as much as i could considering the extreme headache i had from the accident. took my finals high off painkillers. slowly made my way around campus to the best of my ability. came home yesterday and went to the hospital again. painkillers not strong enough. hip not getting better. very bad bruises getting worse. im supposed to get a catscan... however im so sick of doctors, i think ill pass. i got stronger painkillers and a muscle relaxer which is working woderfully. i drove for my first time today. seriously cried for the whole drive, but itll get better. i just need to move on. i cry a lot now. i cry because i don't feel safe. because nothing is certain. because i hurt physically and emotionally and i have no control over any of it. i cry because i see how much my parents love me and will do anything for me and i do not deserve any of it. because my car is gone. i hold the key to nothing. i lost the one thing that i really felt was all mine and that i was honored to own. i lost my night time drives with daniella and senior hill. i lost beach trips where i first did 100mph. i lost my stickers and the scars i put on it from hitting poles and parked cars. haha. i miss it like i would a best friend. i feel very distant from a lot of people right now. the few im trying to stay close too are the ones i feel the most far from. i am trying to be okay, but im not right now.