(no subject)
Dear Journal,
Geez. I've been doing a little bit livejournal lurking, looking around at my old stuff, old stuff from Michael and Chris and stuff. It's weird to see what we were thinking back then. I think it's interesting how we are always so embarassed at thoughts we had in the past. I think it's because they always seem so petty and unimportant in retrospect. I like to think it's because all the things that give us reason to bitch or cry get nice and packaged up and stored away in memory, like nice little boxes of closure in the archives of the brain. Though I know it isn't true, that we as pople have difficulty laying rest to things that we feel truly important, I believe it anyway, and it helps in forward movement, I think.
So now I'm in college and things are really different. I hang with a whole new crowd and my brain works in a slightly different, perhaps matured fashion. The friends I used to have I haven't heard from in years, which is an odd thought considering I'm only eighteen years old. Like looking at Chris and Michael's stuff brought me to thinking about Jill and Judy, and Michael's weird-ass girlfriends and friends and Ska Prom and when I first started burning and the strange rag-tag group of friends that I had for so long. I sort of miss the bitterness and squalid feeling of walking around with them. We used to just walk around.
Things are different now, and it's weird to think that they may have been really really different had I not drifted apart from the old crowd. I feel like we fought it for so long, for like three maybe four years that now we're almost just tired of it. I think we wanted it to let it go. It was important, right? And plus, we were really just a patchwork of mismatches. Or at least I felt we were. So I guess that makes us patchwork alumni, huh? I like the sound of it.
Geez. I've been doing a little bit livejournal lurking, looking around at my old stuff, old stuff from Michael and Chris and stuff. It's weird to see what we were thinking back then. I think it's interesting how we are always so embarassed at thoughts we had in the past. I think it's because they always seem so petty and unimportant in retrospect. I like to think it's because all the things that give us reason to bitch or cry get nice and packaged up and stored away in memory, like nice little boxes of closure in the archives of the brain. Though I know it isn't true, that we as pople have difficulty laying rest to things that we feel truly important, I believe it anyway, and it helps in forward movement, I think.
So now I'm in college and things are really different. I hang with a whole new crowd and my brain works in a slightly different, perhaps matured fashion. The friends I used to have I haven't heard from in years, which is an odd thought considering I'm only eighteen years old. Like looking at Chris and Michael's stuff brought me to thinking about Jill and Judy, and Michael's weird-ass girlfriends and friends and Ska Prom and when I first started burning and the strange rag-tag group of friends that I had for so long. I sort of miss the bitterness and squalid feeling of walking around with them. We used to just walk around.
Things are different now, and it's weird to think that they may have been really really different had I not drifted apart from the old crowd. I feel like we fought it for so long, for like three maybe four years that now we're almost just tired of it. I think we wanted it to let it go. It was important, right? And plus, we were really just a patchwork of mismatches. Or at least I felt we were. So I guess that makes us patchwork alumni, huh? I like the sound of it.