life as we know it
so i've been crying. a lot. its actually, it was okay at first but has gotten me very self-conscious. from wednesday to friday, i could not seem to hold it together. and i feel bad, because even though i was a wreck, and would start crying at just talking to beautiful people (catie ti alex, madame, mostly) i am not unhappy. i am not depressed, or sad. yeah, life is hard, it has been, but its because i dont sleep enough and am still sick.
on friday madame made me stay in her room after french and take a nap, because she said if i went home i would start doing other things and not take a nap. so i curled up in the corner, she showed me how to arrange all the pillows so that it was most comfortable (has she done this before with other fally-aparty students?) and made me tea. and i thought, that its nice because the only kind of tea i dont like is apple cinnamon, so i would most likely love the tea she was making. and it was apple cinnamon. and i loved it. so its good, because now i like apple cinnamon tea. i actually slept a little bit and was late getting to this important event i was going to where all of the teenagers were "successful" and everyone was dressed up and i showed up in jeans and a bright orange polo shirt. it was okay though since i was there to be from the diversity forum, everyone there was very good at paying attention to what i was saying instead of what i was wearing. when i came home there were road reflectors on my porch that alex and ryan had gotten running martinelli. words cannot describe. then i was late, in turn, to the football game, which was very much in the moment of high school. me and ti talked for two hours in the parking lot and then in her car, which made me more relieved than i would have expected.and then home, and then i slept, until noon. i have only just joined the world in consciousness.
i love you funnel-head. i missed cake last night, we needed it, but, we will only need it increasingly until it happens.
and i do feel like im missing out by not going to homecoming, but, you know what, its okay. because its not a lack of being invited, it is a lack of wanting to go. because i am sick and want to stay home, and im going to watch a movie, and snuggle, with my dogs probably. everyone else is wrapped up in making sure they're doing something important tonight, since, if they arent going they better have a story on monday of what a good time they had tonight. so, i do hope everyone has a memorable story to tell, just so that they're happier.
o magnum mysterium, et admirabile sacramentum.
on friday madame made me stay in her room after french and take a nap, because she said if i went home i would start doing other things and not take a nap. so i curled up in the corner, she showed me how to arrange all the pillows so that it was most comfortable (has she done this before with other fally-aparty students?) and made me tea. and i thought, that its nice because the only kind of tea i dont like is apple cinnamon, so i would most likely love the tea she was making. and it was apple cinnamon. and i loved it. so its good, because now i like apple cinnamon tea. i actually slept a little bit and was late getting to this important event i was going to where all of the teenagers were "successful" and everyone was dressed up and i showed up in jeans and a bright orange polo shirt. it was okay though since i was there to be from the diversity forum, everyone there was very good at paying attention to what i was saying instead of what i was wearing. when i came home there were road reflectors on my porch that alex and ryan had gotten running martinelli. words cannot describe. then i was late, in turn, to the football game, which was very much in the moment of high school. me and ti talked for two hours in the parking lot and then in her car, which made me more relieved than i would have expected.and then home, and then i slept, until noon. i have only just joined the world in consciousness.
i love you funnel-head. i missed cake last night, we needed it, but, we will only need it increasingly until it happens.
and i do feel like im missing out by not going to homecoming, but, you know what, its okay. because its not a lack of being invited, it is a lack of wanting to go. because i am sick and want to stay home, and im going to watch a movie, and snuggle, with my dogs probably. everyone else is wrapped up in making sure they're doing something important tonight, since, if they arent going they better have a story on monday of what a good time they had tonight. so, i do hope everyone has a memorable story to tell, just so that they're happier.
o magnum mysterium, et admirabile sacramentum.