Shades of Gray - Chapter 21
Chapter 21 - Confronted By the Enemy
3 Months Later
Walking through the streets of Sunnydale for the first time in months, Buffy tried to keep a positive disposition. Holding her boyfriend’s hand, she offered him a slight smile when he playfully tugged on her hand, trying to get her attention.
“What is it, Riley?” she asked.
“You alright?” he asked, giving her his trademark concerned look.
“I’m not going to break,” she said, looking at the ground for a moment before raising her gaze to the Christmas lights that decorated the town.
“It’s just… this is the first time you’ve been home since-”
“Since I transferred schools,” she interrupted, turning to look at him.
“Actually, I was going to say since the kidnapping.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy pulled her hand away from his, knowing that she was being unusually irritable, but the memories that were threatening to wash over her were being held away by a very thin wall that was rapidly cracking. She didn’t even want to be in this town, but Riley insisted they visit for the holidays.
“I don’t even know what you’re planning on doing here,” she said, wrapping her arms around her body.
“I have a few friends here,” he said vaguely. “It’s not UCLA, but it’s a nice little town.”
Buffy didn’t respond as they walked across the street to the Espresso Pump. “Want anything?”
“Hot chocolate,” she murmured, not bothering to walk into the small café as she watched him disappear into the holiday crowd.
Sitting down on the bench next to one of the entrances, Buffy shifted uneasily. Hearing a group of carolers nearby, she closed her eyes. The town was like a Norman Rockwell painting around the holidays, and it seemed to overload her senses.
“This seat taken?”
Buffy’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice she only heard in her memories. Raising her eyes to his, her mouth opened in shock. Regaining her composure, her eyes narrowed slightly. “As a matter of fact, it is.”
Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster, shifting nervously on his feet. He knew it was a bold move to walk over and attempt to talk to a woman he hadn’t seen or heard from in months, but he couldn’t resist the temptation.
“How’ve you been?” he asked, attempting to make conversation.
“What are you doing?” she asked, looking up at him in confusion.
“Making conversation. It’s what people do.”
“Not when you hate each other,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“Never said I hated you,” he said, feeling his stomach flip at the very thought.
“What did you expect, Spike? A happily ever after?” she asked, throwing his words to her back in his face. “It’s not like we were a match made in heaven.”
“Buffy-”
“I’ve had your voice running through my head for three months,” she said slowly. “You dismissed me. You practically spat on me, and now you want to sit down and pretend we’re old high school buddies?”
“About what I said-”
“Oh, let me guess,” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. “You didn’t mean it. Once you realized that you weren’t going to get locked away for the next few years and you’d simultaneously just thrown away your little fuck toy, I’m sure you were extremely remorseful.”
“Now, wait just a damn minute-”
“Why should I?” she muttered to herself, standing up and walking toward the entrance of the café, only to feel Spike’s hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. “What’s the matter, Spike?” she asked, feeling the need to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her. “It was fun… That’s all it was. You were there, you were available, and I used that to my advantage.”
“Do you remember everything I said that day?” he asked in exasperation.
“Do you?” she countered, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know what to say…”
“Apologizing might be a good start.”
“I’m-”
“But not just to get back in my good graces,” she said, biting her lip as she looked at the ground. “I don’t even know if that’s possible anymore.”
“There was a reason,” he said, looking at her with a pleading gaze. “There was a reason for all of it.”
“I’m sure there was,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That doesn’t mean it excuses any of it. It doesn’t make me less of an idiot for believing that you actually felt something for me when all you wanted was to get laid.”
“Buffy-”
“Here you go.”
Closing her eyes for a moment when Riley walked out of the café, she tried to graciously accept the steaming cup of hot chocolate.
“Who’s your friend?”
Spike stared in stunned silence at the other man, unsure of what to think.
“Riley, this is Sp-William,” she corrected, knowing that he associated the name Spike with her kidnapper.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, holding out his hand.
Spike merely raised an eyebrow, not willing to get any closer to the other man than he was already.
Barely put off by the dismissal, Riley took a step back, wrapping his free arm around Buffy’s waist, causing Spike’s glare to intensify. “So, how do you know Buffy?” Riley asked, taking a sip of his drink.
“We dated,” he replied, wanting Riley to feel as uncomfortable as he did. Seeing Buffy’s eyes widen, he offered her a smile.
“Really?” Riley asked, looking at his girlfriend. “Buffy never mentioned it.”
“Well, I’m sure you haven’t known each other that long,” Spike replied, keeping his gaze on the woman in front of him. “And how do you two know each other?” he asked, his voice carefully disguising everything he was thinking.
“We met at UCLA,” Riley said, looking at Buffy with a bright smile.
“So that’s where you’ve been, is it, love?”
Buffy turned to look at Spike, glaring at him as she stepped closer to Riley. “I’m feeling a little tired- I think I’m ready to go back to the hotel.”
“Let’s go,” Riley said, turning her away from Spike.
“I’ll see you soon, Buffy,” he called after her.
Turning around to face him, she shook her head. “No, you won’t.”
3 Months Later
Walking through the streets of Sunnydale for the first time in months, Buffy tried to keep a positive disposition. Holding her boyfriend’s hand, she offered him a slight smile when he playfully tugged on her hand, trying to get her attention.
“What is it, Riley?” she asked.
“You alright?” he asked, giving her his trademark concerned look.
“I’m not going to break,” she said, looking at the ground for a moment before raising her gaze to the Christmas lights that decorated the town.
“It’s just… this is the first time you’ve been home since-”
“Since I transferred schools,” she interrupted, turning to look at him.
“Actually, I was going to say since the kidnapping.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy pulled her hand away from his, knowing that she was being unusually irritable, but the memories that were threatening to wash over her were being held away by a very thin wall that was rapidly cracking. She didn’t even want to be in this town, but Riley insisted they visit for the holidays.
“I don’t even know what you’re planning on doing here,” she said, wrapping her arms around her body.
“I have a few friends here,” he said vaguely. “It’s not UCLA, but it’s a nice little town.”
Buffy didn’t respond as they walked across the street to the Espresso Pump. “Want anything?”
“Hot chocolate,” she murmured, not bothering to walk into the small café as she watched him disappear into the holiday crowd.
Sitting down on the bench next to one of the entrances, Buffy shifted uneasily. Hearing a group of carolers nearby, she closed her eyes. The town was like a Norman Rockwell painting around the holidays, and it seemed to overload her senses.
“This seat taken?”
Buffy’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice she only heard in her memories. Raising her eyes to his, her mouth opened in shock. Regaining her composure, her eyes narrowed slightly. “As a matter of fact, it is.”
Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster, shifting nervously on his feet. He knew it was a bold move to walk over and attempt to talk to a woman he hadn’t seen or heard from in months, but he couldn’t resist the temptation.
“How’ve you been?” he asked, attempting to make conversation.
“What are you doing?” she asked, looking up at him in confusion.
“Making conversation. It’s what people do.”
“Not when you hate each other,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“Never said I hated you,” he said, feeling his stomach flip at the very thought.
“What did you expect, Spike? A happily ever after?” she asked, throwing his words to her back in his face. “It’s not like we were a match made in heaven.”
“Buffy-”
“I’ve had your voice running through my head for three months,” she said slowly. “You dismissed me. You practically spat on me, and now you want to sit down and pretend we’re old high school buddies?”
“About what I said-”
“Oh, let me guess,” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. “You didn’t mean it. Once you realized that you weren’t going to get locked away for the next few years and you’d simultaneously just thrown away your little fuck toy, I’m sure you were extremely remorseful.”
“Now, wait just a damn minute-”
“Why should I?” she muttered to herself, standing up and walking toward the entrance of the café, only to feel Spike’s hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. “What’s the matter, Spike?” she asked, feeling the need to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her. “It was fun… That’s all it was. You were there, you were available, and I used that to my advantage.”
“Do you remember everything I said that day?” he asked in exasperation.
“Do you?” she countered, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know what to say…”
“Apologizing might be a good start.”
“I’m-”
“But not just to get back in my good graces,” she said, biting her lip as she looked at the ground. “I don’t even know if that’s possible anymore.”
“There was a reason,” he said, looking at her with a pleading gaze. “There was a reason for all of it.”
“I’m sure there was,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That doesn’t mean it excuses any of it. It doesn’t make me less of an idiot for believing that you actually felt something for me when all you wanted was to get laid.”
“Buffy-”
“Here you go.”
Closing her eyes for a moment when Riley walked out of the café, she tried to graciously accept the steaming cup of hot chocolate.
“Who’s your friend?”
Spike stared in stunned silence at the other man, unsure of what to think.
“Riley, this is Sp-William,” she corrected, knowing that he associated the name Spike with her kidnapper.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, holding out his hand.
Spike merely raised an eyebrow, not willing to get any closer to the other man than he was already.
Barely put off by the dismissal, Riley took a step back, wrapping his free arm around Buffy’s waist, causing Spike’s glare to intensify. “So, how do you know Buffy?” Riley asked, taking a sip of his drink.
“We dated,” he replied, wanting Riley to feel as uncomfortable as he did. Seeing Buffy’s eyes widen, he offered her a smile.
“Really?” Riley asked, looking at his girlfriend. “Buffy never mentioned it.”
“Well, I’m sure you haven’t known each other that long,” Spike replied, keeping his gaze on the woman in front of him. “And how do you two know each other?” he asked, his voice carefully disguising everything he was thinking.
“We met at UCLA,” Riley said, looking at Buffy with a bright smile.
“So that’s where you’ve been, is it, love?”
Buffy turned to look at Spike, glaring at him as she stepped closer to Riley. “I’m feeling a little tired- I think I’m ready to go back to the hotel.”
“Let’s go,” Riley said, turning her away from Spike.
“I’ll see you soon, Buffy,” he called after her.
Turning around to face him, she shook her head. “No, you won’t.”