"... and we say..."
I feel a certain mistery to me again. Like my charm is back. Looking back I remember my passion was what was in my vision(s).. Mostly fueled by hate by the thing's blocking me. I never figured out what I wanted the first time. I know this time around. That part of me feel's complete, yet my hate is digging new whole's for old friend's. People I even had strong feeling for. I even made a death threat to someone. I told them if they spoke to me again I would kill them. I ment it. Kinda scary how I can be taken by the moment. Everything is kind of scary lately. Every moment. So by all mean's please wake me up. I am happy for what's comming even though it is all to real. It will give me reason to live. Wich I need beleive it or not. My dream's have been horrible lately. I dream that a milisha of some kind try's to take over my neighborhood. I just wait by my window with a rifle covered in dirt. Resting on a borded up window. A tank roll's down my street and then I wake up. I can 't seem to die in my dream's anymore. I had a dream I walked into the ocean and tried to drown and nothing happen's. I shot myself in the face and fell to the ground wondering "Why aren't I dying?" So I do it again and nothing happen's. I hang myself and wake up coughing. It fucking suck's. Ive been gettign bad headache's lately. I have panic attack's now.. Say's the mom. I think it's a combo of being being anxious and needing some fucking niccitin. My head hurt's now... Wake up, wake up, wake up.