:-\
I know it sounds stupid. But lately I just get the feeling that people don't like me anymore. And I know it might not be true. But I think it probably is. And I blame it on the fact that I finally let myself break down walls with a few people and realized how good that feels, and I kind of got into the habit of overstaying my welcome, in a way. I feel like I give off the facade of this well-adjusted girl even though I'm really not, and when/if I start to really be honest with someone, I get too comfortable and it drives them crazy and drives them away. Which is bad. And it's definitely a pattern.
I miss my staff from last year. Even though I see or hear from people a decent amount -- I see or speak to almost everyone almost once a week -- it's not the same. I wish it was, but it's not. Something about them, about our dynamic, was just like...home. I don't mean home as in Pomona. I mean home as in, being at ease and content with where you are, wherever you are. I actually really hate seeing the difference...it's almost worse than not seeing them at all. It's like, do we still have each other's backs? We were like brothers and sisters last year...the kind who probably wouldn't all be friends if we WEREN'T family, but we were family and we love[d] and appreciate[d] each other.
I don't' know. I guess I really find something wrong in the way I interact with people, if only because I don't think I'm getting the appropriate reaction. Maybe I'm way overanalyzing, seeing as it's almost 3:30am, and overanalyzing is definitely something I tend to do instead of sleeping.
AAAAAAND I don't know, there were other things I wanted to say but I don't think I'm going to bother because I know that they won't be read by the right people, and I don't want to get any more confusing than necessary.
Just basically, I need balance in my relationships and even when I work hard to get that, it still ends up off in one direction or another. And maybe that's the way it has to be...maybe there is no perfect balance. Maybe that's just the way it goes. But I feel like either I annoy people, or people annoy me, and there's no middle ground (well, I guess mutual annoyance is middle-ground, but there's no mutual non-annoyance...)
Seriously, done now, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I know I could have said this very concisely if I wanted to name specific names and scenarios, but I don't want to because even though I know those people won't read this, I just kind of like being vague.
I miss my staff from last year. Even though I see or hear from people a decent amount -- I see or speak to almost everyone almost once a week -- it's not the same. I wish it was, but it's not. Something about them, about our dynamic, was just like...home. I don't mean home as in Pomona. I mean home as in, being at ease and content with where you are, wherever you are. I actually really hate seeing the difference...it's almost worse than not seeing them at all. It's like, do we still have each other's backs? We were like brothers and sisters last year...the kind who probably wouldn't all be friends if we WEREN'T family, but we were family and we love[d] and appreciate[d] each other.
I don't' know. I guess I really find something wrong in the way I interact with people, if only because I don't think I'm getting the appropriate reaction. Maybe I'm way overanalyzing, seeing as it's almost 3:30am, and overanalyzing is definitely something I tend to do instead of sleeping.
AAAAAAND I don't know, there were other things I wanted to say but I don't think I'm going to bother because I know that they won't be read by the right people, and I don't want to get any more confusing than necessary.
Just basically, I need balance in my relationships and even when I work hard to get that, it still ends up off in one direction or another. And maybe that's the way it has to be...maybe there is no perfect balance. Maybe that's just the way it goes. But I feel like either I annoy people, or people annoy me, and there's no middle ground (well, I guess mutual annoyance is middle-ground, but there's no mutual non-annoyance...)
Seriously, done now, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I know I could have said this very concisely if I wanted to name specific names and scenarios, but I don't want to because even though I know those people won't read this, I just kind of like being vague.