[good] . [badness]
the past few days have been blurry and vague...
some of it wonderful...
a lot of it not-so-wonderful...
things are going to shit with my family again...
my father's an idiot.
my mother is needy.
they're trying to make me the go-between.
i wrote my father the most honest e-mail i've ever written this morning...
23 years of pent up anger and frustration unfurled...
my sister said that it was brave of me.
i'm still shaking from writing it...
and shaking even more because i hit the send button.
my father tried calling me all weekend and i didn't pick up...
i felt horrible about it...
but i didn't want to just yell at him.
the e-mail was a better option.
my mother has become increasingly whiney...
and understandably so.
secretboy and i had a big fight friday night...
he walked out of the restaurant because he got so infuriated.
dinner was silent, but by the end of the night things were better.
we ended spending some really quality time together...
just talking and lounging around...
and playing halo.
i lopped my hair off again on saturday...
i'm not sure how i feel about it, but it's getting good reviews.
i bought an awesome wallet.
i'll post pictures later.
things are very stressful...
and i'm completely exhausted...
but at least this morning was wonderful.
i woke up to secretboy gently nudging me...
we talked and laughed and i got dressed.
he got me a drink and we sat on his floor for half an hour...
discussing the future...
we ate cookies and i put my head in his lap.
he played with my hair and made me feel loved and secure.
i feel safe with him.
tonite, i see mr. debonair to tell him that things are over between us...
that nothing can ever happen...
that we have to be friends.
this weekend made me love secretboy a billion times more...
he really is wonderful...
despite all the crap that goes on.
i know he's the one for me...
he always has been. <3