Ok SERIOUSLY...
I swear I am going to steal a stealth bomber and go blow the fuck out of time warner cable and all of the dumbfucks that work there ::grrrrrrrrrr-mother-fucking-grrrrrrrrrrr:: I am so pissed off at those people, I just can't say - you'd think it was enough that my cable and internet service has been completely fucked up for 4 FUCKING MONTHS - and yes, that's ever since I moved into my new place and got service with them - let's just say the first time I called to complain was the first week I had service with them - and when do they finally get around to fixing it? 4 FUCKING MONTHS later - now I ask you...WTF??? but no - that's not the best part even - you see, I had to take off a total of 7 days off from work to meet all their stupid techs and construction people at my house and what not throughout those 4 months - I have spent COUNTLESS hours on the phone with customer service and supervisors and contstrution managers and contractors - seriously, it'd make you sick to know just how much time I wasted mesing with these people - let's just say that their customer service department knows me by name - it's pathetic - but the absolute best part was when they told me that for all my trouble, they'd give me all this credit for my serive and what not - and low and behold...what do I get in the mail today??? I'LL BE DAMNED IF IT WASN'T A MOTHER FUCKING BILL FROM *TIME WARN.EVERYONE.YOU.KNOW.HOW.BAD.THEY.SUCK CABLE* FOR $180.20!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!! My cable bill is like $75 a month!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! If I was a cartoon character, there'd be steam coming out of my ears, I'd be bright fucking red and would be sweating buckets of acid from being so fucking pissed off - blah
so ok - thanks for reading my time warn.me.away.from.killing.them.all cable - I know it it was probably frustrating for all of you, because I know I'm wayyy past frustrated myself
So as for the rest of the night - eh - whatever - me, dani and nat were supposed to go out tonight - I've been excited all week long cause I got together this really cute outfit to wear out and was actually going to wear....I hope you're sitting down for this one...A SKIRT!!! lmfao - I dragged nat around for the last two days getting stuff together so it would be perfect cause I was so excited to get all dolled up - funny thing, I still didn't find everything I wanted to go with it, but it ended up not mattering cause we didn't end up going out dancing anyways :shrugs:: shit happens
So I guess you could say I'm not in the best of moods - I didn't sleep last night at all cause I had to sleep alone and so there went that - lol - funny how well I sleep with someone right next to me - like a baby on nyQuil - but alone - fuck - a lot of nights I don't sleep at all - I wish nat would come sleep with me but she likes to sleep out here for some reason - lol - I dunno - it can't be me cause I sleep with her whenever I go stay at her house - so who knows - oh well - I need a room mate BAD - this whole living alone thing was a horrible idea, but at least I can now say I've done it - but I'll tell you what - I'm not sure I have EVER been as tired as I am on a day to day basis as I am these days (with the exception of last week which was amazing and meant soooo much to me you don't even know - thank you so much greg - I'll always love you) but I can see the future approaching and it is filled with sleepless nights and dark circles under the eyes =/ fuck it - lol - who needs sleep - not like I care much anymore anyways - about much of anything ::shrugs:: I'm realizing that life can just get shitty on you all at once and there's not a god damned thing you can do about any of it - sometimes it's impossible for me to remember why I even bother in the first place - yeah, I know though - cry me a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it - right? well fuck it - it's my journal and I'll bitch if I want to ;D
On a side note, it drives me even more crazy when I'm really upset and hurting and no one is anywhere to be found that I feel comfortable talking to about what's bothering me - I fucking hate that - I ALWAYS try to be there for my friends - especially my closest friends - I'd drop near anything if someone needed me, and I'd sure as hell take a few minutes out of whatever I was doing to pick up a phone and call them just because they're my friends and I love them - but everyone's different - especially a lot of the people out here in socali I've noticed - there's an increase of daily drama and a serious decrease in not only respect for others feelings, but an honest and heartfelt caring for those they love who could be hurting - it's just a lacking of manners and social relationship standards that were left out of some sort of upbringing and life experience out here - people just don't seem to honestly care about each other as much as they say they do out here as from other places I've lived and where I am from - I dunno - I could be wrong, but it just seems like all of cali has a light narssasistc tendency that seems to be unique to it - and I'm speaking really generally here, so don't take it personal - or do - I don't really care anymore - if I say that I love you, then you never have to question whether I do or not because you'll see it time and time again by how I treat you - but whatever floats your own boat I always say - but anyways - blah - I got off topic or whatever....so back to what I really fucking hate - people either not being there, ignoring you for whatever reason, or actually msg you back once...and ask you a question none-the-less - and then don't even bother to say anything else until the next time you talk to them or whatever no matter what you said to them while you felt blown off and just all around unimportant =/ but yeah, whatever - I wish I didn't need anyone - but I do - especially out here - I haven't seen my family in going on a year now and although I've lived away from home the better part of my life (since my parents sent me off to MA for boarding school in the 6th grade) I've NEVER gone this long without seeing them a few times at least - and sure as hell wouldn't see a year go by and still NO ONE from my family has been out to visit me =/ but whatever - fuck it all - so yeah, I feel really strongly about having good people who will love me and treat me well and want me to feel good about myself and even more than that, who would eant me to feel special and be happy - I have some really good friends out here - don't get me wrong - I'm not saying everyone here is like that, just a good portion of the people out here that I know fairly well - too bad, I lose - here's a quarter I suppose
I just want love in my life and for it to be real and true, not just convienant, and/or flakey, off balanced or one sided, out of pity or whatever else - I just want a good and happy life - I ust know I'm never going to have it and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can but it's hurting me and wearing me down a lot more than most people know cause I have an amazing game face - but yeah, so there's that - wahhhh for me ::spits:: oh fuck, maybe I'll just go run off to mexico never to be heard from again
anyways, enough for the day dreams and time for the real ones - going to bed sad and lonely fucking sucks :*(
but I suppose I'll live....always do....goodey, lucky me ::pfft::
anyways - have a good night/morning and att - talk to you all later ;D
so ok - thanks for reading my time warn.me.away.from.killing.them.all cable - I know it it was probably frustrating for all of you, because I know I'm wayyy past frustrated myself
So as for the rest of the night - eh - whatever - me, dani and nat were supposed to go out tonight - I've been excited all week long cause I got together this really cute outfit to wear out and was actually going to wear....I hope you're sitting down for this one...A SKIRT!!! lmfao - I dragged nat around for the last two days getting stuff together so it would be perfect cause I was so excited to get all dolled up - funny thing, I still didn't find everything I wanted to go with it, but it ended up not mattering cause we didn't end up going out dancing anyways :shrugs:: shit happens
So I guess you could say I'm not in the best of moods - I didn't sleep last night at all cause I had to sleep alone and so there went that - lol - funny how well I sleep with someone right next to me - like a baby on nyQuil - but alone - fuck - a lot of nights I don't sleep at all - I wish nat would come sleep with me but she likes to sleep out here for some reason - lol - I dunno - it can't be me cause I sleep with her whenever I go stay at her house - so who knows - oh well - I need a room mate BAD - this whole living alone thing was a horrible idea, but at least I can now say I've done it - but I'll tell you what - I'm not sure I have EVER been as tired as I am on a day to day basis as I am these days (with the exception of last week which was amazing and meant soooo much to me you don't even know - thank you so much greg - I'll always love you) but I can see the future approaching and it is filled with sleepless nights and dark circles under the eyes =/ fuck it - lol - who needs sleep - not like I care much anymore anyways - about much of anything ::shrugs:: I'm realizing that life can just get shitty on you all at once and there's not a god damned thing you can do about any of it - sometimes it's impossible for me to remember why I even bother in the first place - yeah, I know though - cry me a river, build a bridge and get the fuck over it - right? well fuck it - it's my journal and I'll bitch if I want to ;D
On a side note, it drives me even more crazy when I'm really upset and hurting and no one is anywhere to be found that I feel comfortable talking to about what's bothering me - I fucking hate that - I ALWAYS try to be there for my friends - especially my closest friends - I'd drop near anything if someone needed me, and I'd sure as hell take a few minutes out of whatever I was doing to pick up a phone and call them just because they're my friends and I love them - but everyone's different - especially a lot of the people out here in socali I've noticed - there's an increase of daily drama and a serious decrease in not only respect for others feelings, but an honest and heartfelt caring for those they love who could be hurting - it's just a lacking of manners and social relationship standards that were left out of some sort of upbringing and life experience out here - people just don't seem to honestly care about each other as much as they say they do out here as from other places I've lived and where I am from - I dunno - I could be wrong, but it just seems like all of cali has a light narssasistc tendency that seems to be unique to it - and I'm speaking really generally here, so don't take it personal - or do - I don't really care anymore - if I say that I love you, then you never have to question whether I do or not because you'll see it time and time again by how I treat you - but whatever floats your own boat I always say - but anyways - blah - I got off topic or whatever....so back to what I really fucking hate - people either not being there, ignoring you for whatever reason, or actually msg you back once...and ask you a question none-the-less - and then don't even bother to say anything else until the next time you talk to them or whatever no matter what you said to them while you felt blown off and just all around unimportant =/ but yeah, whatever - I wish I didn't need anyone - but I do - especially out here - I haven't seen my family in going on a year now and although I've lived away from home the better part of my life (since my parents sent me off to MA for boarding school in the 6th grade) I've NEVER gone this long without seeing them a few times at least - and sure as hell wouldn't see a year go by and still NO ONE from my family has been out to visit me =/ but whatever - fuck it all - so yeah, I feel really strongly about having good people who will love me and treat me well and want me to feel good about myself and even more than that, who would eant me to feel special and be happy - I have some really good friends out here - don't get me wrong - I'm not saying everyone here is like that, just a good portion of the people out here that I know fairly well - too bad, I lose - here's a quarter I suppose
I just want love in my life and for it to be real and true, not just convienant, and/or flakey, off balanced or one sided, out of pity or whatever else - I just want a good and happy life - I ust know I'm never going to have it and I'm trying to deal with it the best I can but it's hurting me and wearing me down a lot more than most people know cause I have an amazing game face - but yeah, so there's that - wahhhh for me ::spits:: oh fuck, maybe I'll just go run off to mexico never to be heard from again
anyways, enough for the day dreams and time for the real ones - going to bed sad and lonely fucking sucks :*(
but I suppose I'll live....always do....goodey, lucky me ::pfft::
anyways - have a good night/morning and att - talk to you all later ;D