Enough Is Enough....
Have you ever been pushed to the point where you're just not sure anymore which end is up and which end is down? Have you ever been told that you are hated, and then that you are loved, and then that you are hated, and then you are loved (and so on and so forth), so many times that you're starting to wonder which is the actual fact and which is fiction? Have you ever cried your eyes out because you've been hurt so badly, and then turned around and cried just as much, if not a good bit more, because that which hurt you is hurting in itself and in turn, it kills you to see what was once your world in so much pain? Have you ever felt like the more you reach out and the more you try, the more you get slapped in the fucking face? Have you ever been drawn to something that you think is so very special, only to discover that it's already almost out of your grasp before you ever even reach it? Is it even possible to do right by anyone? Because at this point, I'm not sure anymore. In fact, I'm starting to doubt it. I spend more time trying to please others than I do trying to please myself. I always thought if you treated people well, they would respond positively. I thought that if you let the people in your life into your heart and embraced them for what and who they are, and stuck by those closest to you through the good times and the bad that it would mean something. I thought that if you lived your life with your heart on your sleeve, so everyone can see who you really are, then that great risk would sometimes be rewarded so greatly that it would outweigh any negative that may arise from being so open and vulnerable. But I've changed my mind. I've always thought that there was good in everyone somewhere, and that people deserved the benefiet of the doubt, as well as second chances. What can I say? Ignorance is bliss...and my bliss has deflated. I'm over it. I'm sick of hearing how everyone needs this and everyone needs that and this is so bad in their life and I'd never understand, and they've got so much more stress, and they're freaked out because of stuff they shouldn't have to even worry about, and they've been hurt in the past and so the trust in them died and yada, yada, yada. Well guess what everyone...Gen's finally sick of it. That's right, if you want to give me grief, then FUCK YOU because guess what??? I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT!!! If you are my friend, then I love you with all my heart and would do just about anything for you, but people have just been taking me piece at a time until low and behold, there's hardly anything left of me!!! It's not right, and I'm done putting up with it. I'm better than I've been treated by many of the people in my life. And so I'm washing my hands of it. I am a good person and deserve to be treated as such. If some of you don't think you can treat me as I should be treated, and you care about me at all, then just get out of my life. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of being lied to. I'm sick of being ridiculed. I'm sick of being led to think one thing and then being thrown a curve ball. I'm sick of empty promises. I'm sick of shattered dreams. I'm sick of being on people's roller coasters of emotions because they don't know what they want. I'm sick of having to listen to people speak before they think. I'm sick of being hurt. All I ask is to be treated as I should be. Nothing more, nothing less. And I just don't think that's too much to ask from people anymore. And from this point on, it's how I will be treated. Treat others as you'd have them treat you. It's not difficult to live by people.