your lucky your not me.
so im updating. it feels good to.
im waiting for jim to pick me up and im real xcited cause i dont have work.
iv been seeing nikki again. its just like it was in 6th grade. i love her.
theres thing that i have been botling up inside, and it helps to have a girl to talk to.
ill probably post pictures wen i get my camera up and running on this comp.
my brother rebooted it, so all my pictures are gone. which is kinda sad.
but yeah. to update on more current htings about a week ago, my mom decided that she watned to leave our family.
she decided that her life would be better without us. but it was kinda a random thing htat happend that i try not to think about. i mean this is her fault neways so why should i care right.
welll rong. cause she also says that she doesnt want to support a family that hates her. which i guess works out okay cause we dont want to deal with her shit either. everyone does hate her but its her own fault because of what kind of person and "mother" she is. so she can go fuck herself. seriously it was so good when she was gone. but wen she came back like about a week later. she trys to talk to me and say that i ahve to listen to her from now on. bceause by law im her kid, but you know it takes more to be mom than just a fucking law. iv taken enough childcare and parenting classes to know that. i see it in the kind of mothers my friends have. i see wat a mom is. i know i never had a mother. and i frankly am sad that i never did. and im jealous of ppl that have parents that are the way that they are. im jealous, but i know i can still deal with it. cause i have a dad that makes up for both mom and dad parts in my life. im glad that i have him. now i feel bad for him cause he has so many problems with his back and his case is still going on. i wish things in his life would have been better. he stays in the house just sits around and is in so much pain you couldnt imagine. i love my dad and hope one day that ill be a good mother. even though i havent xperienced first hand what that is. i hope i bcome someone great. writing this is making me sad just because i keep thinking about it. and i try not to. but i fealt htat if i write about it, maybe it will help some. i dont know though. but since she had left and stuff she wanted us to find a new home cause this one is hers and only hers cause she paid for it. its really hard to find a home wen you have no money either. cause my dads case is still pending. so he hasnt gotten ne money for about 3 yrs. now. so fuck if i know wats going to happen to me. they talked about moving to AZ to live with my uncle so i might be going there or just help and having all my money go towards a home for my brothers and sisters. we'd all pitch in. but it just sucks.
yeah ill prolly finish this later cuase jim should be here soon.
i have hope for life and happiness, and i dont know why or have a reason for it.