A Question

[jimmydean5]

Hi guys.  I'm questioning going through with transitioning.  During this questioning process, I am reflecting upon some life experiences, and I'm wondering if others can relate.  As a kid, I felt 100% male and the fact that my body said otherwise was a source of confusion, shame, and generally being a pissed off and very macho kid.  When puberty

Comments

[inkslaive]

For myself, I knew I was a boy when younger...did all of the sports things with neighbor boys, kissed my first girl at age 8, and was just a 'regular' rough-n-tumble boy. Would even get kicked out of female restrooms for 'being a boy'.

Then the breasts started growing and the menstruation started. I was horrified!!! I didn't tell anyone about my period and, dare I really admit something embarrassing here, would use washcloths rather than pads so my sister wouldn't notice they were gone.

Since I was always into sports, I was definitely a jock in school, and that helped me quite a bit...except for having to shower after PE or games. Again, horrifying experiences.

Eventually, being female was 'forced' upon me and I came to the conclusion that I was gay. I didn't know about transfolks really so that moniker fit very well. Then someone called me butch and that fit even better. Being in the Army augmented my own male status, within my own head mind you, as I was again rather rough-n-tumble.

I resigned myself to the fact I was a biofemale but knew deep down inside I was a guy. I have not had too many difficulties passing and have even used mens restrooms here and there.

When I had a breast cancer scare a few years ago, that is when it really hit me. I was terribly upset over the fact I was negative for cancer kuz then I would not have a 'legitimate' reason to have my breasts removed. I went to therapy soon after and started investigating gender dysphoria and all of the lights of vegas went off in my head!

At this point, I am working towards T and top surgery and have a very supportive partner and family and friends. I may still be biofemale but I know that is not the real me. I don't need to prove it to others and still use my female name at work and such. I am comfortable with this fact and know I will be much happier when the transition fully takes place. I have spent nearly 43 years on this planet as a biofemale, passing or being 'mistaken' as male on numerous occasions, and I can wait a little longer. The trick is to KNOW who you are and strive to make that come to fruition.