Lessons Learned
I am the passive one. The one who gets fired up but doesn't do or say anything. I hate confrontation and fighting. I can't stand unsettled business. Sure, I can be a bitch. Who isn't one, at times? But when it comes down to it, I rarely say what I think because I don't want to be mean. I just say OK and deal with it, usually wishing I would have, for once, taken a stand for myself. In the past three years I have gone through things I would have never foreseen, and the past two of those I allowed myself to be controlled, walked over, and crushed. But in the end, I rose above it all. I refuse to let myself shrink down to that small person I once was. I want to say what I think, and I want to know that when I do stand up for myself, I am right, and not being closeminded or selfish. I have no problem admitting I am wrong, because it happens a lot. "Sorry" is a frequent word in my vocabulary, although in the past it was used too often because I allowed all the blame to constantly be put on me. I know I do this sometimes too, but there are times I wish that people could just listen and understand without getting defensive; take what someone is telling you and try to look from their side to see if they are right. There are times that I am being stubborn and persistent in my opinion, but when I turn around and look back, I realize that the other person may have had a point. I want to learn from others, and I want to them to learn from me. Taking advice and criticism from others is crucial, even if it makes you mad or upset at the time. If you want others to listen to your advice and criticism, you must also be able to take it from them. I can't throw the ball if I'm not willing to catch it.
There are some things I am working on changing. Things that I know are not like me, and I don't want them to become me. I know who I am, and I need to be that person, no matter what.
Emotions are confusing. I have too many. I hate decisions. I am terrified to be hurt, and almost just as scared of being hurt.
There are some things I am working on changing. Things that I know are not like me, and I don't want them to become me. I know who I am, and I need to be that person, no matter what.
Emotions are confusing. I have too many. I hate decisions. I am terrified to be hurt, and almost just as scared of being hurt.