(no subject)
The Basics:
Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm 23 years old. I've had this blog for nearly seven years already, but I find that it's time to reintroduce myself and get myself life [back] on track. I live with my 77 year old Italian grandfather, and my 3 1/2 year old son. My grandfather is and always has been the most important person in my life. My mother is my best friend, no questions asked, but she's always been able to fend for herself, and generally enjoys being alone. I can't stand the idea of my grandfather being alone, so I've spent a lot of time with him, and started living with him permanently when I was in 6th grade.
My son is brilliant. He's been speaking in full sentences (with a generous vocabulary) since he was about 2, and he just recently became potty trained. His father and I (we've been separated since Noah was two months old) have been looking into preschools for him. I had Noah when I was 19 years old, and although I like to tell everyone it was an unplanned pregnancy, I'm not so sure that was the case. I was not on birth control, and we didn't use any protection. It was bound to happen, and we're both glad that it did. He's taught me how to realize that not everything needs to go according to a plan (a concept that's still foreign to me, and I don't like that one bit!), and to take things one day at a time (although I still really enjoy worrying myself to death about the future).
I'm an only child, and I have two cousins. One of them is a cousin-by-marriage, and she's six years older than me. We were very close when I was young, but we barely know each other anymore. Her half-brother, my full-cousin, is six years younger than I, but we've got a good relationship. Other than that, I never had much social interaction with children my own age. I went to private school until 5th grade. One classroom had two grades merged together, a total of about 9 kids. I was one of four girls, and none of the other girls liked me very much. One in particular, Andrea Hancock, was a real bitch to me and encouraged the other girls to dislike me as well. So I became friends with the boys. My earliest "best friends" were boys. But because my grandfather was traditional, I never had the boys over my house. Sometimes I would go to their house, but usually when my mom said it was okay.
Fifth grade was my first year in public school. Going from a class of 9 to a class of 22 was a little awkward for me, but I did the best I could. I made a girl friend, and we were inseparable for about a year until we went to middle school and had separate classes. Then I was back to being alone until 7th grade, when my social life "blossomed". Which really means I had more than one friend.
After that, my life was simply average. I've had no real accomplishments, other than having my son. I graduated high school in 2006, and I've been going to college ever since. I'm finally in my last semester before I can apply for the nursing program, where I'll probably get rejected and have to retake a bunch of classes I've already retaken a thousand times. I've been working since I was 16, and my work ethic is the only thing I am genuinely proud of in my life.
Besides the family life, I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for six months, and thus far things are going fine. We've only fought once, about weed, and now it kind of makes me paranoid because I don't know if I can ever believe that he's not stoned again.
Other than that, I am typical. I've got insane body image problems, I'm angry almost every day, I've been diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety (over 7 years ago... and I'm convinced something else is wrong). I'm medicated, but I'm not sure they work. Sometimes I feel like two entirely different people. My opinions can vary daily, my music choices depend on my mood that day, and I can actually change moods in the blink of an eye. I think I have a deeply rooted psychological hatred of the vagina. Sarcasm is the only way I know how to deal when I'm in pain. Anger is the only way I know how to deal with a situation I'm uncomfortable in. I'm sure I can further elaborate on that, but that's all for today.
Peace&Love