(no subject)
I think I need daily reminders to update this friggin thing.
Let's see where I left off on LAST WEEK'S episode...
Alright, well, my mom went to court and all the charges were dropped, and as long as she doesn't get into any trouble for the next year - the case will be dismissed. So now I can say what happened.
A few weeks ago, my mom encountered this guy that we've been having continual problems with for a little over four years. I guess he bumped into her car with his, so she just... rammed into him. He started getting out of the car and walking towards her, and my mom told him that he had a warning, and that he'd better walk away. But he didn't. So my mom got out of the car and wailed on him with a baseball bat. In broad daylight. She hit him in the kidneys, knees, ribs, and head. She said she thought she almost fractured his skull. Then they arrested her.
But she's out now, and she's safe, and she won't go away. She can't go away. Because that's a fate worse than death for her. She'll have too much time alone to think. We both agree that thinking will be the end of everyone.
If she goes away, I can't go to college in Florida. Because I'll need to stay with my grandfather. I won't leave him alone. That'll wreck me.
--
I'm losing all my friends. I think it's a natural process. You know how snakes shed their skins every seven years or something? Well, junior year is just the time to shed, I guess.
I just don't live up to their expectations. I'm not perfect for them. I don't exactly use my head for things. I smoke weed. I flirt. I kind of tend of sleep around. So what? I'm having a good time, and I'm not hurting anyone - and last time I checked, I wasn't hurting myself. I probably will have in the long run... but, not now. And now is what matters.
I'm living for myself, and not conforming to them. So if they're going to have issues about it, then let it be on them. I'm better off without.
--
School doesn't suck that much... it does feel like it's been going on forever. I dread my physics class, and it makes me nervous because it's the only one I'm having problems with.
My test scores are still low.
PSATs are October 13th. This is a scary kick of reality. Knowing that college is right around the corner, and that we're ready to be released.
I'm not ready to be released. I'm going to fail in the real world. I won't have enough money, I'll fuck things up.
Everything I knew to be true is disappearing before my very eyes, and I'm withering away into a naked, vulnerable little girl. And I hate it.
My whole life I was somebody different. I was older, smarter, complex. And everything just came down. All of a sudden, I'm fifteen.
Fifteen.
I'm simple. And young. And stupid.
I'm not insightful anymore. I can't figure things out anymore...
...and I'm dangerously close to falling hard for a girl.
I held hands with her on Friday before band rehearsal started. We drove around and smoked after the halftime. I heard her voice. I saw her beauty. We're a lot alike, but I like her rendition of me so much better.
And yet, I still want that long term relationship with a guy.
And Sherrie, stop bitching. If John really deserved better, he wouldn't be with you. You're better than Jenny.
--
Today is Sarah's birthday. She's 16, and her party was yesterday. It was a great party, and she's so happy lately. And I love her. I remember being jealous of her because she turned THIRTEEN before I did. And now she's getting her permit in ten days...
...we're not little anymore. And I'm afraid.
At four, I'm going to her house with my computer and hopefully a movie. So her dad can upgrade my system... and Sarah and I can watch a movie we both want to see.
And I'm supposed to hang out with James Foster and Mike Dias today. I just don't know when...
Let's see where I left off on LAST WEEK'S episode...
Alright, well, my mom went to court and all the charges were dropped, and as long as she doesn't get into any trouble for the next year - the case will be dismissed. So now I can say what happened.
A few weeks ago, my mom encountered this guy that we've been having continual problems with for a little over four years. I guess he bumped into her car with his, so she just... rammed into him. He started getting out of the car and walking towards her, and my mom told him that he had a warning, and that he'd better walk away. But he didn't. So my mom got out of the car and wailed on him with a baseball bat. In broad daylight. She hit him in the kidneys, knees, ribs, and head. She said she thought she almost fractured his skull. Then they arrested her.
But she's out now, and she's safe, and she won't go away. She can't go away. Because that's a fate worse than death for her. She'll have too much time alone to think. We both agree that thinking will be the end of everyone.
If she goes away, I can't go to college in Florida. Because I'll need to stay with my grandfather. I won't leave him alone. That'll wreck me.
--
I'm losing all my friends. I think it's a natural process. You know how snakes shed their skins every seven years or something? Well, junior year is just the time to shed, I guess.
I just don't live up to their expectations. I'm not perfect for them. I don't exactly use my head for things. I smoke weed. I flirt. I kind of tend of sleep around. So what? I'm having a good time, and I'm not hurting anyone - and last time I checked, I wasn't hurting myself. I probably will have in the long run... but, not now. And now is what matters.
I'm living for myself, and not conforming to them. So if they're going to have issues about it, then let it be on them. I'm better off without.
--
School doesn't suck that much... it does feel like it's been going on forever. I dread my physics class, and it makes me nervous because it's the only one I'm having problems with.
My test scores are still low.
PSATs are October 13th. This is a scary kick of reality. Knowing that college is right around the corner, and that we're ready to be released.
I'm not ready to be released. I'm going to fail in the real world. I won't have enough money, I'll fuck things up.
Everything I knew to be true is disappearing before my very eyes, and I'm withering away into a naked, vulnerable little girl. And I hate it.
My whole life I was somebody different. I was older, smarter, complex. And everything just came down. All of a sudden, I'm fifteen.
Fifteen.
I'm simple. And young. And stupid.
I'm not insightful anymore. I can't figure things out anymore...
...and I'm dangerously close to falling hard for a girl.
I held hands with her on Friday before band rehearsal started. We drove around and smoked after the halftime. I heard her voice. I saw her beauty. We're a lot alike, but I like her rendition of me so much better.
And yet, I still want that long term relationship with a guy.
And Sherrie, stop bitching. If John really deserved better, he wouldn't be with you. You're better than Jenny.
--
Today is Sarah's birthday. She's 16, and her party was yesterday. It was a great party, and she's so happy lately. And I love her. I remember being jealous of her because she turned THIRTEEN before I did. And now she's getting her permit in ten days...
...we're not little anymore. And I'm afraid.
At four, I'm going to her house with my computer and hopefully a movie. So her dad can upgrade my system... and Sarah and I can watch a movie we both want to see.
And I'm supposed to hang out with James Foster and Mike Dias today. I just don't know when...