(no subject)
Okay, this has by far been the most eventful vacation of my life.
Yesterday I went to Jesse's around 4, and Mike was there, who is my friend Samantha's ex-boyfriend. I think he's a cool kid. So we were all hanging out and stuff, and then this kid Jeremy came over. He and Mike started playing guitar and stuff, so I went into Jesse's room so he could read my Tarot cards. I forget what they said, I forget a lot of things lately. So I laying on his bed just looking at him read my cards and everything, and when he was done, he came over onto the bed and leaned over me like he always did and he kissed me. And I can't tell you how much I've missed that. And we made out for awhile after that, and then I figured we should really go back out into his living room so Mike and Jeremy weren't all by themselves. And we did, and we all hung out. Then Jeremy went home, and Mike followed shortly after. So then we were watching a movie and Joe V called me and we were talking for awhile, and then we got off the phone. Then Jesse kissed me again, and we were laying on his couch making out, and then I asked if we could go in his room. So we went into his room and it was pitch black in his room and toooo quiet. So he put on some music. And we made out again (still). Then I told him that I wanted to do more with him, and he said "Are you sure?" and I told him I was sure, and I asked him if he had any condoms, and he did. So... we did it. And it hurt really bad for awhile, and then it didn't hurt anymore. But it doesn't really feel like anything. It's weird because you can't feel it, but it feels good. It's a really strange feeling, something you can't quite explain. I think the only reason I was making noise is because all the emotion was felt. It's like the emotion turned into physical pleasure... it was really amazing if I think about it. And afterwards, he was like "Wow, I think you bled." and I did. And I bled a lot. (I had to put a pad on, and then I stopped bleeding for awhile, and then started again today), and when I got dressed and stood up, he goes "Wow. Your hair is really fucked up." and started laughing at me, and my hair wasn't fucked up from having sex, it was fucked up because I didn't straighten it. So I told him to shut up, and that it was the new trend... the 'I-just-got-laid' look. And we went into the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was like "Pssh, I'm beautiful" and he said "Yeah, you are." and then later on he told me that when I looked in the mirror, I just looked different. So we just sat there for awhile on his couch and I waited for my mom to pick me up. And it doesn't even register that I had sex. It doesn't register I lost my virginity last night. I don't feel any different. I feel like I'm in a daze. The only thing that feels different is the fact I'm sore like fuck.
Today, Randi asked me for directions to my house, and she walked here. So we hung out for the whole day. We walked to CVS and I bought Peanut Butter M&Ms, some Spearmint gum, and a chocolate milkshake thing. She bought a Toblerone chocolate thing and some hair removal mousse. Then as we were walking back, we saw Evan and his mom, so we were talking to them for awhile, and Tom walked up to us and I was like "Well, hey Tom! Want some peanut butter M&Ms?" and he goes "Nah, I'm trying to quit. That stuff'll kill ya." and Ellie goes "So will the caffeine in that soda." and Tom goes "So will the cigarettes in my pocket, but I gotta keep saying it. It's my catchphrase." and then he turned to me and asked me if I needed a lift back to my house. But I declined his offer and walked back home.
Then Randi and I went to the mall and we bought some underwear. I bought a cute little black bra with pink lace trim, and some black underwear with pink trim and white guitars all over it. And after the mall, I dropped Randi off home, and then I went home, and here I am. Although of course there's a 3 hour lapse in time from when I got home until now. Right now I'm talking to Matt online.
.:.belch.:.
But overall, I regret nothing. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what happened, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about me. It's gonna happen to us all one day, and I don't regret a single minute of it.
I feel completely beautiful inside and out, and I have Jesse to thank.
Yesterday I went to Jesse's around 4, and Mike was there, who is my friend Samantha's ex-boyfriend. I think he's a cool kid. So we were all hanging out and stuff, and then this kid Jeremy came over. He and Mike started playing guitar and stuff, so I went into Jesse's room so he could read my Tarot cards. I forget what they said, I forget a lot of things lately. So I laying on his bed just looking at him read my cards and everything, and when he was done, he came over onto the bed and leaned over me like he always did and he kissed me. And I can't tell you how much I've missed that. And we made out for awhile after that, and then I figured we should really go back out into his living room so Mike and Jeremy weren't all by themselves. And we did, and we all hung out. Then Jeremy went home, and Mike followed shortly after. So then we were watching a movie and Joe V called me and we were talking for awhile, and then we got off the phone. Then Jesse kissed me again, and we were laying on his couch making out, and then I asked if we could go in his room. So we went into his room and it was pitch black in his room and toooo quiet. So he put on some music. And we made out again (still). Then I told him that I wanted to do more with him, and he said "Are you sure?" and I told him I was sure, and I asked him if he had any condoms, and he did. So... we did it. And it hurt really bad for awhile, and then it didn't hurt anymore. But it doesn't really feel like anything. It's weird because you can't feel it, but it feels good. It's a really strange feeling, something you can't quite explain. I think the only reason I was making noise is because all the emotion was felt. It's like the emotion turned into physical pleasure... it was really amazing if I think about it. And afterwards, he was like "Wow, I think you bled." and I did. And I bled a lot. (I had to put a pad on, and then I stopped bleeding for awhile, and then started again today), and when I got dressed and stood up, he goes "Wow. Your hair is really fucked up." and started laughing at me, and my hair wasn't fucked up from having sex, it was fucked up because I didn't straighten it. So I told him to shut up, and that it was the new trend... the 'I-just-got-laid' look. And we went into the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was like "Pssh, I'm beautiful" and he said "Yeah, you are." and then later on he told me that when I looked in the mirror, I just looked different. So we just sat there for awhile on his couch and I waited for my mom to pick me up. And it doesn't even register that I had sex. It doesn't register I lost my virginity last night. I don't feel any different. I feel like I'm in a daze. The only thing that feels different is the fact I'm sore like fuck.
Today, Randi asked me for directions to my house, and she walked here. So we hung out for the whole day. We walked to CVS and I bought Peanut Butter M&Ms, some Spearmint gum, and a chocolate milkshake thing. She bought a Toblerone chocolate thing and some hair removal mousse. Then as we were walking back, we saw Evan and his mom, so we were talking to them for awhile, and Tom walked up to us and I was like "Well, hey Tom! Want some peanut butter M&Ms?" and he goes "Nah, I'm trying to quit. That stuff'll kill ya." and Ellie goes "So will the caffeine in that soda." and Tom goes "So will the cigarettes in my pocket, but I gotta keep saying it. It's my catchphrase." and then he turned to me and asked me if I needed a lift back to my house. But I declined his offer and walked back home.
Then Randi and I went to the mall and we bought some underwear. I bought a cute little black bra with pink lace trim, and some black underwear with pink trim and white guitars all over it. And after the mall, I dropped Randi off home, and then I went home, and here I am. Although of course there's a 3 hour lapse in time from when I got home until now. Right now I'm talking to Matt online.
.:.belch.:.
But overall, I regret nothing. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what happened, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about me. It's gonna happen to us all one day, and I don't regret a single minute of it.
I feel completely beautiful inside and out, and I have Jesse to thank.