=everyone knows you're afraid of missing out=
i really need to stop having dinner with my father..i need to not allow him the chance to have a meaningful conversation with me. he automatically assumes i'm a jackass who cannot think for myself and that i need him to guide me to the light. he was lecturing me on how times probably just weren't right for me and myckie right now considering we are both two very busy people but that once things settle down we will most likely get back together. ok like i didn't think of that? hello i'm the biggest fucking optimist ever and i needed him to tell me that! hey dad! if me and myckie get back together than awesome but if we stay as friends then mazel tov because that's just as fucking awesome! thennnnn he decided to lecture me on the article i submitted to cheiftain about the pledge and how my generation has a false sense of entitlement and refuse to say the pledge because they don't know it, or disagree with it. and he decided that i needed to know that people may not agree with my attitude towards the pledge. DUH THAT THE ENTIRE POINT OF WRITING IT! i want to piss people off because you need to step on a few toes to get points across and to wake up the people who could give 2 craps less. sheesh sometimes i wish i could smack my father with the common sense stick upside the head and hope he gets the picture.
In further news, we went to an assembly during health (like we will be doing all week which totally rocks my socks) and today's was about abusive relationships. you know what the greatest thing about it was? I WAS ABLE TO ADMIT NOT ONLY TO MYSELF BUT TO EVERYONE IN MY CLASS THAT I WAS AN ABUSE VICTIM AND THAT I AM AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. that made me proud of myself. it was awkward at first to be like "well my ex-boyfriend started off being very controlling and i just thought it was an insecurity of his. then the jealousy was so annoying. i had to stop hanging out with any of my guy friends or i couldn't tell him i was with them because it was stupid to fight him over me hanging out with my friends. then as our relationship progressed if i didn't answer the phone or i couldn't talk long or i couldn't hang out with him he would begin to hit me. no one knew about him hitting me and i was ashamed of it because i still had very strong feelings for him. we ultimately broke up and i've had a hard time trusting guys ever since." and just to hear me say those words and to tell people my darkest secret made me so very happy. my one regret in life was being silent for 8 months when all i was doing was harming myself by not getting help or leaving matt sooner. i am happy with what i did today. i think i'm going to make myself a medal =)
In further news, we went to an assembly during health (like we will be doing all week which totally rocks my socks) and today's was about abusive relationships. you know what the greatest thing about it was? I WAS ABLE TO ADMIT NOT ONLY TO MYSELF BUT TO EVERYONE IN MY CLASS THAT I WAS AN ABUSE VICTIM AND THAT I AM AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. that made me proud of myself. it was awkward at first to be like "well my ex-boyfriend started off being very controlling and i just thought it was an insecurity of his. then the jealousy was so annoying. i had to stop hanging out with any of my guy friends or i couldn't tell him i was with them because it was stupid to fight him over me hanging out with my friends. then as our relationship progressed if i didn't answer the phone or i couldn't talk long or i couldn't hang out with him he would begin to hit me. no one knew about him hitting me and i was ashamed of it because i still had very strong feelings for him. we ultimately broke up and i've had a hard time trusting guys ever since." and just to hear me say those words and to tell people my darkest secret made me so very happy. my one regret in life was being silent for 8 months when all i was doing was harming myself by not getting help or leaving matt sooner. i am happy with what i did today. i think i'm going to make myself a medal =)