what?
The world as I see it.
I see a world that does not even know I am there. I have a wonderful man in my life and all I do is hurt him. I have caused him nothing but pain and hurt. All I seem to do is exist without life or happiness. I am not happy in this world but yet I have been happier now then I have been in a while. I live in a world where if you weigh over x pounds your shunt and made fun of. Even the other big guys don't want you. I have known for a long time that I am not wanted. I can't change the way I am and I have tried. I am a fat overweight piece of fucking filth. I want to loose weight but for what reason. That won't fix us. If I keep eating I will die and that will be the end but even then I can't allow myself to die because I have caused him too much stress and my death will ruin him and I don't want to do that. All I want to do is sleep and dream. Maybe if I dream hard enough I can make the world see me and know that I am here and wanting to be loved. I need to be love and I want to love. I want to be happy and make him happy but I can't so I don't. I defeat myself to keep from knowing the hurt I know so well. I want to be happy and slim and most of all I want to be loved really loved for who I am but in this world I have to hide who I really am. I am here.... I AM HERE...... I AM HERE WORLD... why want you see me or know me for who I am.... I don't want to die and I want to live why wont you hear me as I beg for your attention world. I am a person that lives and breaths.... Why can't you hear me?? Maybe just maybe if I could break free of the pounds of blubber and obesity... maybe the world would see me and place a value more than worthlessness. I want help and I beg for help but no one sees me and if they do they don't really see me as I am shrouded in a would that only sees the beautiful people. PLEASE SEE ME.... Am I not beautiful? Was I not born into this world too?? Do I really deserve to be put to death from my own making? I want to be in the world and to be happy but no one can see me or hear me.... I go, fade away in the darkness only to awaken in the world of white noise.
This is the world as I see it
I see a world that does not even know I am there. I have a wonderful man in my life and all I do is hurt him. I have caused him nothing but pain and hurt. All I seem to do is exist without life or happiness. I am not happy in this world but yet I have been happier now then I have been in a while. I live in a world where if you weigh over x pounds your shunt and made fun of. Even the other big guys don't want you. I have known for a long time that I am not wanted. I can't change the way I am and I have tried. I am a fat overweight piece of fucking filth. I want to loose weight but for what reason. That won't fix us. If I keep eating I will die and that will be the end but even then I can't allow myself to die because I have caused him too much stress and my death will ruin him and I don't want to do that. All I want to do is sleep and dream. Maybe if I dream hard enough I can make the world see me and know that I am here and wanting to be loved. I need to be love and I want to love. I want to be happy and make him happy but I can't so I don't. I defeat myself to keep from knowing the hurt I know so well. I want to be happy and slim and most of all I want to be loved really loved for who I am but in this world I have to hide who I really am. I am here.... I AM HERE...... I AM HERE WORLD... why want you see me or know me for who I am.... I don't want to die and I want to live why wont you hear me as I beg for your attention world. I am a person that lives and breaths.... Why can't you hear me?? Maybe just maybe if I could break free of the pounds of blubber and obesity... maybe the world would see me and place a value more than worthlessness. I want help and I beg for help but no one sees me and if they do they don't really see me as I am shrouded in a would that only sees the beautiful people. PLEASE SEE ME.... Am I not beautiful? Was I not born into this world too?? Do I really deserve to be put to death from my own making? I want to be in the world and to be happy but no one can see me or hear me.... I go, fade away in the darkness only to awaken in the world of white noise.
This is the world as I see it