(no subject)
My journal is fucking pointless.
I was thinking today, "Hm...I wish I could tell people how I really feel." Well guess what? I think I might to just that. Maybe I'll do one person per entry until I'm satisfied. And maybe it will be in the form of a letter...
But maybe I won't do it. Because then everyone will think I'm a bitch. Who knows. Maybe I am.
Two days ago I was nervous about senior year. Now my attitude is basically that I want it to go fast so I can leave. That probably sounds terrible. But at the current moment, I don't want to even think about going back to THS. I want a new start. I want to begin fresh again. And I can't do that with everyone from here. Because people know me and they know my past and they think they know what is best for me and they think they know me. But to be honest, not that many people actually know who I am for real. I don't even know 100%.
I guess I know...I am bitchy, I am stubborn, I hold grudges, I can't play any musical instrument good, I hate ham, I can't understand any foreign language well enough, I don't know what I want to do with my life, I hate backstabbers and cheaters, I think that sleeping around with numorous people for not a whole lot of reasoning is pathetic and stupid, I dislike it when people constantly make up excuses for things, I hate people who try to change me into someone I'm not, I hate people who pretend to be friendly to me but don't take the time to honestly care, I love the color teal, my favorite animal is a panda bear, I have never seen a panda bear except for the zoo and in pictures, I want to change someone's life for the better, I want to see a meteor shower some day, I love stuffed animals, I don't wear a lot of make-up because I think too much is a waste of time and effort, if I'm bored I will usually clean, I actually like ironing and washing clothes and doing the dishes, I am partially afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of dying and spiders and clowns, I love looking up quotes on the computer and in books to see what people have said before me, I want to better myself but I have trouble doing it, I can't stand still for very long without getting the urge to walk around, I like shopping because for that moment in time you seem to forget about everything else that is bothering you, my favorite type of pizza is onions and mushrooms and sausage, I appreciate all types of artwork that I've come into contact with so far in my life, I would rather swing on the park swings than have a huge party, I prefer flip flops to tennis shoes and high heels, I love my family but I don't always like them, I love scrapbooking and photography, I bite my nails, I own multiple books about my religion but I rarely go to church, my favorite flower is a yellow rose, I hate peer pressure, I haven't had a real good cry since my great uncle died, I lose my pencils and pens very easily, I still listen to the music I listened to back in middle school, I want my next car to be environmentally safe, I don't want to have sex until I'm married, I hate talking about past relationships because I will either cry or throw something against a wall, I feel like I can't count on a whole lot of people, I want to be proposed to at the same place my dad proposed to my mom & my grandpa proposed to my grandma, I want to find that special someone and be with them for the rest of my life, I want more than 2 kids but less than 5, I own a purse collection, I own at least 3 dictionaries but I use none of them, I use a fork (NOT a spoon) to eat mac and cheese, I like playing DDR, when I go to bed I think of all the bad things that have happened in my life for some reason and they play like a movie that makes no sense, I would rather freeze to death than die in a fire, I am afraid of heights.
Whatever. If people don't like me for me then they don't have to talk to me.
I was thinking today, "Hm...I wish I could tell people how I really feel." Well guess what? I think I might to just that. Maybe I'll do one person per entry until I'm satisfied. And maybe it will be in the form of a letter...
But maybe I won't do it. Because then everyone will think I'm a bitch. Who knows. Maybe I am.
Two days ago I was nervous about senior year. Now my attitude is basically that I want it to go fast so I can leave. That probably sounds terrible. But at the current moment, I don't want to even think about going back to THS. I want a new start. I want to begin fresh again. And I can't do that with everyone from here. Because people know me and they know my past and they think they know what is best for me and they think they know me. But to be honest, not that many people actually know who I am for real. I don't even know 100%.
I guess I know...I am bitchy, I am stubborn, I hold grudges, I can't play any musical instrument good, I hate ham, I can't understand any foreign language well enough, I don't know what I want to do with my life, I hate backstabbers and cheaters, I think that sleeping around with numorous people for not a whole lot of reasoning is pathetic and stupid, I dislike it when people constantly make up excuses for things, I hate people who try to change me into someone I'm not, I hate people who pretend to be friendly to me but don't take the time to honestly care, I love the color teal, my favorite animal is a panda bear, I have never seen a panda bear except for the zoo and in pictures, I want to change someone's life for the better, I want to see a meteor shower some day, I love stuffed animals, I don't wear a lot of make-up because I think too much is a waste of time and effort, if I'm bored I will usually clean, I actually like ironing and washing clothes and doing the dishes, I am partially afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of dying and spiders and clowns, I love looking up quotes on the computer and in books to see what people have said before me, I want to better myself but I have trouble doing it, I can't stand still for very long without getting the urge to walk around, I like shopping because for that moment in time you seem to forget about everything else that is bothering you, my favorite type of pizza is onions and mushrooms and sausage, I appreciate all types of artwork that I've come into contact with so far in my life, I would rather swing on the park swings than have a huge party, I prefer flip flops to tennis shoes and high heels, I love my family but I don't always like them, I love scrapbooking and photography, I bite my nails, I own multiple books about my religion but I rarely go to church, my favorite flower is a yellow rose, I hate peer pressure, I haven't had a real good cry since my great uncle died, I lose my pencils and pens very easily, I still listen to the music I listened to back in middle school, I want my next car to be environmentally safe, I don't want to have sex until I'm married, I hate talking about past relationships because I will either cry or throw something against a wall, I feel like I can't count on a whole lot of people, I want to be proposed to at the same place my dad proposed to my mom & my grandpa proposed to my grandma, I want to find that special someone and be with them for the rest of my life, I want more than 2 kids but less than 5, I own a purse collection, I own at least 3 dictionaries but I use none of them, I use a fork (NOT a spoon) to eat mac and cheese, I like playing DDR, when I go to bed I think of all the bad things that have happened in my life for some reason and they play like a movie that makes no sense, I would rather freeze to death than die in a fire, I am afraid of heights.
Whatever. If people don't like me for me then they don't have to talk to me.