Lost for life
I just read a crap load of old e-mails from jess, meghan, ba, and even david. david, who was my bestfriend in the seventh grade. the e-mail he sent to me after he had just asked ba out. i miss my friends so much. i miss my little seventh and eighth grade self. when i look back now everything seemed so care free. i supose when i look back on who i am now in a couple of years i'll think the same thing. when i think about it, everything is pretty perfect. i have the most wonderful boyfriend in the entire world. hes more than a boyfriend, he's my bestfriend and thats awesome. we do everything together and its wierd to think that other couples aren't the same way we are. i've always wanted a boyfriend who would walk with me on the beach, watch disney movies with me, and to play video games with. and thats just what i got. hes the best friend i could ever ask for. and none of my other friends have ever loved me as much as he does and i have never loved any of my friends as much as i love mike.
i just read some conversations i had saved from a long time ago. i miss drew. i wish i still saw him and kyle everyday. i miss alex too. i cared about him so much and i really wish things didn't end the way they did. i guess its my fault for believing him when he said he didn't still have a girlfriend and that he liked me. and i guess its my fault that i keep trusting him even though hes screwed me over so many times. why do i want to be friends with someone like that? why do i care? why do i miss someone who gave me my frist kiss but then treated me like shit? i really don't get it. why did he have to lie to me about dani? i hate boys and i hate lies. i hate alex. but then again i don't. he just makes me so fucking angry. i don't understand why everytime i try to be friends with him again and get over what he did to me, he decides to be an asshole. i should be used to it by now but i'm suprised and hurt everytime.
what is wrong with me?