Thirty-Three
So, I mean, it's only been about two months since my last update. That's acceptable, right?
*loosens collar and clears throat*
The season had flown by in a torrent of shopping and overeating and settling plans for the Lost Boys two-month press tour, and it was somehow already Christmas Eve. In the three weeks leading up to that day, Josie had gone to work a total of nine times, unable to leave Toby’s bed most mornings when he begged her to stay. Whenever she began to fear she would lose the jobs she had spent a great deal of time training for, he convinced her that it would be alright because she would always be taken care of. It was rather bizarre to her whenever she thought about it because they had only been dating for about a month, and it seemed extremely fool-hardy to believe him so readily but she did anyway. If her mother ever found out, she would hang her out to dry.
“Santa Claus is coming tonight,” Toby whispered as he brushed the hair away from her face. Her eyes opened and she saw him laying beside her and watching her intently. “Are you excited?”
Josie grinned and nodded before pulling the covers up to her chin and saying, “I’m not going to work today.”
“I know. Josh told me that the two of you are going to bake cookies all day.”
“Cookies,” she said happily as she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. “What time is it?”
“Eight o’clock.”
She groaned and gave him an evil look. “Why in the name of all things sacred did you wake me up at eight in the morning if you already knew I’m not going to work?”
“Because I’m excited and I wanted you to go downstairs to shake presents with me.”
“We already shook all the presents.”
“No, not all of them.”
Josie’s eyes lit up instantly. “New presents?”
Toby nodded and hopped out of bed as she did the same. They raced each other down the stairs and into the living room where their enormous live Christmas tree had been since the beginning of the month, the base completely surrounded by brightly wrapped gifts of various sizes. The two of them crashed onto the floor and immediately started pawing through the new gifts, searching for ones with their names on them and vigorously shaking their findings.
“Do you want to go have sex?” Toby asked once they had gone through all the new arrivals. Almost every morning that week had begun that exact way, the two of them shaking presents until Toby decided they needed to do something a little more personal. Josie always said yes and they always raced each other back upstairs to their room. Josie had decided that this was likely a big reason why she hadn’t been going to work much lately, as gifts and sex with Toby were presently her two favorite things.
After a couple of intimate hours, Toby got up to get ready for work and left Josie sprawled out on their bed, stretching and grinning like a happy cat until her cell phone started ringing across the room. “Hello?” she asked breathlessly after racing to answer it before her voicemail picked up.
“Hey, Josie,” London said nervously on the other end. “How’s it going?”
“Very well, thank you. How are you?”
“Um, yeah, there’s something wrong with Slash. He’s having kidney failure or something and the vet is putting him down today. I thought you might want to come over and say goodbye or whatever.”
Josie was furious. The only reason her dog would be having severe internal problems would be because London had been feeding him from the table, something that should be avoided as often as possible with bulldogs who had serious trouble with their weight and could even develop diabetes, a disease that often caused kidney damage. She had told London countless times when they were together that Slash was not to be fed from the table, and she understood that their puppy was adorable and made the most heart-wrenching whining noises when he didn’t get his way food-wise, but it wasn’t worth his life. At least not to Josie. “What time are you taking him in?” she asked with a heavy-hearted sigh.
“It doesn’t matter, really, as long as it’s today. And I am currently unemployed, so my schedule is pretty open. Depends on when you’re coming, I guess.”
Toby loved dogs as much as anyone, but not enough to understand Josie going to London’s house to say goodbye to one that she had only seen once in the last few months. Toby’s distaste for London was somehow always apparent, even at times when London was in no way part of the conversation. With this in mind, Josie decided it best to wait until Toby had left for work before going to say goodbye to Slash. In the mean time, she went downstairs and started baking sugar cookies with Josh.
“Bye, baby,” Toby said, reaching underneath her apron to squeeze her leg as he kissed her goodbye. “Any of the cookies finished yet?”
“There’s a plate of sugar cookies on the table,” Josh said, pointing his oven-mitted hand towards the breakfast nook. Toby rushed to the table, clapping excitedly. “Don’t take more than four, Toby.”
Toby looked over at his twin and grinned through a mouthful of no less than six cookies, hoping nobody had noticed the other seven he had shoved in his pockets. “Four. Got it.” He swallowed hard, rubbed his sugar-covered hands down the front of his neatly pressed shirt, and belched. “I will see you lovelies at ten o’clock.”
He kissed Josie’s cheek on his way out the door. When she heard her Jeep start and the gates opening, she took her apron from around her neck and smiled at Josh. Before she even had to ask, he said, “I promise I won’t tell.”
“Thank you,” she whispered gratefully, “I won’t be more than an hour, I promise. He just lives right across the bay.”
“I’ll go ahead and bake the bread while you’re gone. It’s pretty boring.” He smiled warmly as she scampered out of the room with the keys to Toby’s Cadillac clutched in her sweating hands. If he hadn’t known how jealous his brother got concerning Josie, Josh would have thought it rather suspicious that she was shrouding her trip to say goodbye to her dying dog in such secrecy. It still seemed a little strange to him, but he found it best not to question things lest he jump to false accusations.
_____________
“So,” Josie said through an uncomfortable sigh as she continued petting the miserable Slash between the ears, “Are you still seeing that girl?”
“Who, Amy?” London asked, taking a long drawl from his Camel cigarette. Josie nodded. “Nah.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said sarcastically, unable to supress a smile.
He smiled back and for a brief second Josie remembered why she had loved him. He was a completely different person now, even from when she had last seen him the month before. He was up to six tattoos, had his septum pierced, and had three holes in each ear, the bottom-most with 1/2-inch tunnel earrings shoved through them. His hair was dyed black and he looked at Josie the same way he looked at every other girl. The more he talked, the more she realized she didn’t know him anymore. When he told her that he was seeing two different girls who didn’t know about each other, it hit her like a ton of bricks. He wasn’t her same, sweet London and for the first time she was genuinely glad that he had put her through a divorce.
“So, how is your family?” she asked, standing up and feeling in her coat pockets for Toby’s car keys.
“They’re alright I guess. I haven’t talked to them in awhile.”
“Are you not going home for Christmas?”
London shrugged and extinguished his cigarette in a plain glass ashtray. “Probably not. How’s that Toby guy?”
“He’s doing really well. He and I and our friend Peter are leaving on Sunday on a big press tour. It’s pretty exciting.”
“Oh yeah,” London said, pausing to light another cigarette, “I read about your modeling thing in the paper.
Every time she realized that London didn’t love her anymore, it hurt. She loved Toby and would never leave him, but she had been married to London. She had loved him above all others and for quite some time had thought she could never love anyone else. She was still paying for that mistake because looking at him right then was killing her. Not only did he not love her anymore, but he wasn’t even the same person he had been. They had completely ruined each other, made total devastation of each others lives. Looking at him with smoke drifting from his lips, the sun making the stubble on his face shine as he looked anywhere but at her, she realized that this would be the last time she ever saw him.
“Well, goodbye.” She forced herself to smile as she pulled out her keys and he nodded in lieu of a farewell. She refused to let the grin fade from her face until she was in the car and had driven out of sight of his house. All the sudden, she was in tears and screaming, pounding on the steering wheel as she continued heading towards home. This was not the way it was supposed to be.
Back at the Hudsons’ house, Josh was pulling the last of the bread out of the oven as she walked into the house, tears stained with long black streaks that revealed her inability to accept the card that fate had dealt her as far as her marriage had been concerned. Josh chose to tell himself that she was simply upset about the dog, something not too hard to believe when one considered Josie’s insatiable love of the canine species.
“Where’s Peter?” she asked through a raw throat and stuffy nose, the whites of her eyes turned pink while the skin around them was red and puffy.
Josh pointed in the direction of the master bedroom, and Josie all but ran in. She found him dramatically spread out on the bed with a hand on his forehead, clearly exhausted from another morning at The Lost Boys. Without a word, she climbed onto the enormous bed and crawled across the satin duvet to rest her head on his shoulder, her knees pulled up to her chest as she tried very hard not to sob.
“There are some people you’ll never stop loving,” he said after several minutes filled with nothing but her whimpering and tears. “I mean, especially when you were married. Like Josh and I...if I ever, you know, had feelings for anyone else, I would still always love him. What you need to do, my little Tinkerbell, is learn to realize that the kind of love you’re always going to have for London isn’t at all the same kind of love you had for him when you were together. Know what I mean?”
She nodded slowly, the nails of two of her fingers in her mouth as she found herself wishing desperately that she could just disappear from all of this. In the midst of her breakdown, she couldn’t help wondering if perhaps her distress over London wasn’t a sign that perhaps she had entered into her relationship with Toby a bit too soon, that perhaps she hadn’t been ready to jump straight into another serious relationship without a few casual dates in between. It did seem, afterall, that most normal girls operated that way, especially those who had been through a divorce. She decided that perhaps the added stress of the holiday season was leading to the haziness of her thoughts and she decided that things would definitely look brighter in the morning, the most magical morning of the entire year.
*loosens collar and clears throat*
The season had flown by in a torrent of shopping and overeating and settling plans for the Lost Boys two-month press tour, and it was somehow already Christmas Eve. In the three weeks leading up to that day, Josie had gone to work a total of nine times, unable to leave Toby’s bed most mornings when he begged her to stay. Whenever she began to fear she would lose the jobs she had spent a great deal of time training for, he convinced her that it would be alright because she would always be taken care of. It was rather bizarre to her whenever she thought about it because they had only been dating for about a month, and it seemed extremely fool-hardy to believe him so readily but she did anyway. If her mother ever found out, she would hang her out to dry.
“Santa Claus is coming tonight,” Toby whispered as he brushed the hair away from her face. Her eyes opened and she saw him laying beside her and watching her intently. “Are you excited?”
Josie grinned and nodded before pulling the covers up to her chin and saying, “I’m not going to work today.”
“I know. Josh told me that the two of you are going to bake cookies all day.”
“Cookies,” she said happily as she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. “What time is it?”
“Eight o’clock.”
She groaned and gave him an evil look. “Why in the name of all things sacred did you wake me up at eight in the morning if you already knew I’m not going to work?”
“Because I’m excited and I wanted you to go downstairs to shake presents with me.”
“We already shook all the presents.”
“No, not all of them.”
Josie’s eyes lit up instantly. “New presents?”
Toby nodded and hopped out of bed as she did the same. They raced each other down the stairs and into the living room where their enormous live Christmas tree had been since the beginning of the month, the base completely surrounded by brightly wrapped gifts of various sizes. The two of them crashed onto the floor and immediately started pawing through the new gifts, searching for ones with their names on them and vigorously shaking their findings.
“Do you want to go have sex?” Toby asked once they had gone through all the new arrivals. Almost every morning that week had begun that exact way, the two of them shaking presents until Toby decided they needed to do something a little more personal. Josie always said yes and they always raced each other back upstairs to their room. Josie had decided that this was likely a big reason why she hadn’t been going to work much lately, as gifts and sex with Toby were presently her two favorite things.
After a couple of intimate hours, Toby got up to get ready for work and left Josie sprawled out on their bed, stretching and grinning like a happy cat until her cell phone started ringing across the room. “Hello?” she asked breathlessly after racing to answer it before her voicemail picked up.
“Hey, Josie,” London said nervously on the other end. “How’s it going?”
“Very well, thank you. How are you?”
“Um, yeah, there’s something wrong with Slash. He’s having kidney failure or something and the vet is putting him down today. I thought you might want to come over and say goodbye or whatever.”
Josie was furious. The only reason her dog would be having severe internal problems would be because London had been feeding him from the table, something that should be avoided as often as possible with bulldogs who had serious trouble with their weight and could even develop diabetes, a disease that often caused kidney damage. She had told London countless times when they were together that Slash was not to be fed from the table, and she understood that their puppy was adorable and made the most heart-wrenching whining noises when he didn’t get his way food-wise, but it wasn’t worth his life. At least not to Josie. “What time are you taking him in?” she asked with a heavy-hearted sigh.
“It doesn’t matter, really, as long as it’s today. And I am currently unemployed, so my schedule is pretty open. Depends on when you’re coming, I guess.”
Toby loved dogs as much as anyone, but not enough to understand Josie going to London’s house to say goodbye to one that she had only seen once in the last few months. Toby’s distaste for London was somehow always apparent, even at times when London was in no way part of the conversation. With this in mind, Josie decided it best to wait until Toby had left for work before going to say goodbye to Slash. In the mean time, she went downstairs and started baking sugar cookies with Josh.
“Bye, baby,” Toby said, reaching underneath her apron to squeeze her leg as he kissed her goodbye. “Any of the cookies finished yet?”
“There’s a plate of sugar cookies on the table,” Josh said, pointing his oven-mitted hand towards the breakfast nook. Toby rushed to the table, clapping excitedly. “Don’t take more than four, Toby.”
Toby looked over at his twin and grinned through a mouthful of no less than six cookies, hoping nobody had noticed the other seven he had shoved in his pockets. “Four. Got it.” He swallowed hard, rubbed his sugar-covered hands down the front of his neatly pressed shirt, and belched. “I will see you lovelies at ten o’clock.”
He kissed Josie’s cheek on his way out the door. When she heard her Jeep start and the gates opening, she took her apron from around her neck and smiled at Josh. Before she even had to ask, he said, “I promise I won’t tell.”
“Thank you,” she whispered gratefully, “I won’t be more than an hour, I promise. He just lives right across the bay.”
“I’ll go ahead and bake the bread while you’re gone. It’s pretty boring.” He smiled warmly as she scampered out of the room with the keys to Toby’s Cadillac clutched in her sweating hands. If he hadn’t known how jealous his brother got concerning Josie, Josh would have thought it rather suspicious that she was shrouding her trip to say goodbye to her dying dog in such secrecy. It still seemed a little strange to him, but he found it best not to question things lest he jump to false accusations.
_____________
“So,” Josie said through an uncomfortable sigh as she continued petting the miserable Slash between the ears, “Are you still seeing that girl?”
“Who, Amy?” London asked, taking a long drawl from his Camel cigarette. Josie nodded. “Nah.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said sarcastically, unable to supress a smile.
He smiled back and for a brief second Josie remembered why she had loved him. He was a completely different person now, even from when she had last seen him the month before. He was up to six tattoos, had his septum pierced, and had three holes in each ear, the bottom-most with 1/2-inch tunnel earrings shoved through them. His hair was dyed black and he looked at Josie the same way he looked at every other girl. The more he talked, the more she realized she didn’t know him anymore. When he told her that he was seeing two different girls who didn’t know about each other, it hit her like a ton of bricks. He wasn’t her same, sweet London and for the first time she was genuinely glad that he had put her through a divorce.
“So, how is your family?” she asked, standing up and feeling in her coat pockets for Toby’s car keys.
“They’re alright I guess. I haven’t talked to them in awhile.”
“Are you not going home for Christmas?”
London shrugged and extinguished his cigarette in a plain glass ashtray. “Probably not. How’s that Toby guy?”
“He’s doing really well. He and I and our friend Peter are leaving on Sunday on a big press tour. It’s pretty exciting.”
“Oh yeah,” London said, pausing to light another cigarette, “I read about your modeling thing in the paper.
Every time she realized that London didn’t love her anymore, it hurt. She loved Toby and would never leave him, but she had been married to London. She had loved him above all others and for quite some time had thought she could never love anyone else. She was still paying for that mistake because looking at him right then was killing her. Not only did he not love her anymore, but he wasn’t even the same person he had been. They had completely ruined each other, made total devastation of each others lives. Looking at him with smoke drifting from his lips, the sun making the stubble on his face shine as he looked anywhere but at her, she realized that this would be the last time she ever saw him.
“Well, goodbye.” She forced herself to smile as she pulled out her keys and he nodded in lieu of a farewell. She refused to let the grin fade from her face until she was in the car and had driven out of sight of his house. All the sudden, she was in tears and screaming, pounding on the steering wheel as she continued heading towards home. This was not the way it was supposed to be.
Back at the Hudsons’ house, Josh was pulling the last of the bread out of the oven as she walked into the house, tears stained with long black streaks that revealed her inability to accept the card that fate had dealt her as far as her marriage had been concerned. Josh chose to tell himself that she was simply upset about the dog, something not too hard to believe when one considered Josie’s insatiable love of the canine species.
“Where’s Peter?” she asked through a raw throat and stuffy nose, the whites of her eyes turned pink while the skin around them was red and puffy.
Josh pointed in the direction of the master bedroom, and Josie all but ran in. She found him dramatically spread out on the bed with a hand on his forehead, clearly exhausted from another morning at The Lost Boys. Without a word, she climbed onto the enormous bed and crawled across the satin duvet to rest her head on his shoulder, her knees pulled up to her chest as she tried very hard not to sob.
“There are some people you’ll never stop loving,” he said after several minutes filled with nothing but her whimpering and tears. “I mean, especially when you were married. Like Josh and I...if I ever, you know, had feelings for anyone else, I would still always love him. What you need to do, my little Tinkerbell, is learn to realize that the kind of love you’re always going to have for London isn’t at all the same kind of love you had for him when you were together. Know what I mean?”
She nodded slowly, the nails of two of her fingers in her mouth as she found herself wishing desperately that she could just disappear from all of this. In the midst of her breakdown, she couldn’t help wondering if perhaps her distress over London wasn’t a sign that perhaps she had entered into her relationship with Toby a bit too soon, that perhaps she hadn’t been ready to jump straight into another serious relationship without a few casual dates in between. It did seem, afterall, that most normal girls operated that way, especially those who had been through a divorce. She decided that perhaps the added stress of the holiday season was leading to the haziness of her thoughts and she decided that things would definitely look brighter in the morning, the most magical morning of the entire year.