Forty-Six
Josie had barely been able to sleep that night and found herself wide awake, after only two hours, at 6:30. Pushing her zebra-print sleeping mask onto her forehead, she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and pull her sleep-tousled hair into a ponytail. She poked her head into the room where Peter had slept-the enormous bedroom Josh and Toby had shared growing up, not surprisingly painted to resemble the London skyline at night, inspired by Peter Pan-to find him sprawled out on the enormous bed that had belonged to Josh, mouth wide open and snoring loudly. She went downstairs in search of Jack before deciding that he probably didn’t actually live there.
It was unnaturally bright outside considering the time of day and she checked her watch again. Only thirty minutes had passed and seven o’clock certainly didn’t explain it. She chalked it up to being in a completely different region of the country than she’d been in for the previous three weeks. After standing outside for a few minutes and breathing in the damp morning air, she went back inside, heading into the library just to the right of the main entrance to find something to pass the time until Peter woke up.
When she heard the door open less than one minute later, she assumed it was either Jack or Mr. and Mrs. Hudson returning from wherever it was they had gone. She picked up a leather bound copy of Jane Eyre that was lying on a table and started thumbing through it.
“Hello, Josie.”
Exhaling slowly, she set the book down and turned around cautiously. When her eyes found Toby’s, her breath caught in her throat and for a moment it was like seeing him for the first time. A very strong desire to run and jump into his arms flooded over her body, but common sense and self-control quickly forced that feeling away. “Hi, Toby,” she finally said, pasting a smile on her trembling lips and trying her best to look nonchalant.
“You look...” He paused and nervously rumpled the hair on the back of his head, something she hadn’t seen him do for a long time. Folding his arms across his chest to stop himself, he faked a smile identical to hers and continued, “You look beautiful.”
“Toby, I haven’t even brushed my hair this morning,” she said, her words edged with genuine laughter.
This time, his smile was honest, the left corner of his mouth slowly curling up. “That’s never stopped you before.”
She knew that taking even one step closer to him would be fatal, so she kept her feet planted as far away from him as she could have been. “You’re here really early,” she said after being able to think of nothing better to say.
“Actually, I’m about fifteen minutes late.” When she continued to look confused, he smiled again and said, “You forgot to set your watch back, I think. It’s nine-fifteen.”
Her cheeks burned red and she said, “That explains it.”
“So,” he said, unfolding his arms and holding them slightly open at his sides, his shoulders shrugged up questioningly, “Are you just going to stand over there, or are you going to give me a hug?”
As she laughed, her eyes welled up with tears and she quickly crossed the room, throwing her arms around him and forcing herself not to squeeze him too tightly. He was hesitant at first, knowing that this was going to kill him, but when he finally put his arms around her, his entire body seemed to relax and all of the stress and anger and pain he’d been feeling were gone. Josie was experiencing much the same thing and was hoping, as he laid his cheek against her hair, that she’d be able to wipe away her tears before he saw them.
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Josie and Toby were sitting on the floor of his parents’ enormous bedroom, pictures scattered all around them on the floor, and Josie was laughing so hard that her sides were aching. Looking over at her, Toby smiled so brightly that the corners of his eyes wrinkled up. “You think it’s funny, do you?” he asked, trying to look menacing but failing miserably.
Her laughter caused her to fall backwards and, looking up at him with glistening eyes, she nodded. “Yeah, I really do,” she said, getting her laughter under control. “But, I mean, you made a cute Snoopy, so it’s okay.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Yes,” she said before her laughter renewed itself.
Unable to resist himself, Toby leaned over and started tickling her mercilessly. In the course of her shrieking and squirming, she sat up very quickly and their lips ended being only inches apart. They both froze and stared at each other, not moving, completely unsure of what to do. Finally, Josie turned her head and Toby backed away and began collecting up the pictures to put them back in the chest where his mother kept them. “Sorry,” he said under his breath.
“No, it’s okay,” Josie said, straightening her shirt before standing and heading towards the door. “Do you want some lunch?”
Toby sat back on his heels for a second and studied her, whatever happiness that had been in his eyes completely draining away. “Nah,” he said, pushing the chest under his parents’ bed before standing up and stuffing his hands in his pockets, “I think I’ll go over to Jack’s place and hang out with him for awhile.”
She pushed herself against the doorway as he brushed passed her. They didn’t know how to be friends because, in all honesty, they had never been friends without also having something more between them. When she heard the front door slam and, a few moments later, his rental car start up and pull out of the driveway a little more quickly than she had expected, she felt two hot tears roll down her cheeks. She shut the door to Fred and Rosetta’s room and headed down to the basement’s exercise room where she knew she would find Peter.