Scylla of Perception and the Charybdis of Reality, that is love.
A line I found amusing and know I heard somewhere before.
And no, not particularly mushy. Or at least I wasn't trying to be. More thoughtful/thinking outloud than anything else.
I was asked about love today by my 40 year old co-worker; she wondered why she still loved her husband after 8 years and he's not a very good one. Not terrible but just not very good. All I could do was shrug and offer this: Love is blind, love is relative, love doesn't let you pick, and love can be one of the most beautiful or most foul things in the world.
People love you until they don't. And then what?
She looked at me funny but *is* dependent on someone loving you back. They say it and you have to believe it--or not. There's really no other way to go about it. We choose to believe. We've got to believe because it matters so much to us. Take away the structure of it and then what? You get songs and poems and movies and stories about love gained, love lost, searching for love, looking for love. It's half biological function designed for two humans to stay together and raise children, half social construct, half part of the intangible matter of the universe.
Yes, too many halves.
So you could end up in a situation like M* that places the woman on a pedestal, a thing to be worshiped from far away--or like many of the people I know and end up in hot, passionate burn-to-brightly affairs. Two things seemingly wrong. Or in stable, boring, mundane sort of love. Sweat pants love. I-can't-do-any-better love. Comfortable love. Another thing seen as wrong.
I can't speak on the matter accurately. I fell in love, it was puppy love that morphed into something that grabbed me by the nose (perhaps both of us by the nose) and demanded that nothing and no one forced us apart no matter if it was parents or schools or money. A priestess to the whims and idea of love, giving everything to it that I could so I could wrap myself in it.
And now? More rational. It simmers like a roast that will take hours to make but is more soul satisfying than fast food. But I've only loved one man and occasionally I feel...awkward?--unable to empathize with certain situations that present themselves to my friends whom I consider family when they ask relationship advice. What do I know?
I try to approach them, my friend's problems I mean, rationally. Really, I do. But it wasn't rationality that made me turn down a full ride to the University of Florida and put myself $30,000 in debt. It wasn't rationality for D* to give up his inheritance from his grandmother, something on the order of $100,000. Presented by any of those things and rationally, I'd say, "Take the money!"
But I said, this love thing isn't rational. So I think my advice would be bad because I try to see it that way for their benefit and I know they're thinking with their heart. The problem being I do as well; the whole 75% heart/25% head thing. But like I told D* two days ago, there's not much room for people like me in the world. I speak from within, my goal and my career is something I want to be...loving. Helpful. Warm. Thoughtful but inspiring others to learn and grow, to become more than they are in that moment.
Corporate landscape however (and hell, even at some scholarly institutions) require guile and tact--honey tipped tongues and well timed shank-eyes. Cold, calculating, with only the barest hint of feeling. Which I can do but it wears on me. Slowly like water drained from a cup.
So there's really no point in this entry. Just me, thinking quietly with the fan on, remembering the events of last night.
And no, not particularly mushy. Or at least I wasn't trying to be. More thoughtful/thinking outloud than anything else.
I was asked about love today by my 40 year old co-worker; she wondered why she still loved her husband after 8 years and he's not a very good one. Not terrible but just not very good. All I could do was shrug and offer this: Love is blind, love is relative, love doesn't let you pick, and love can be one of the most beautiful or most foul things in the world.
People love you until they don't. And then what?
She looked at me funny but *is* dependent on someone loving you back. They say it and you have to believe it--or not. There's really no other way to go about it. We choose to believe. We've got to believe because it matters so much to us. Take away the structure of it and then what? You get songs and poems and movies and stories about love gained, love lost, searching for love, looking for love. It's half biological function designed for two humans to stay together and raise children, half social construct, half part of the intangible matter of the universe.
Yes, too many halves.
So you could end up in a situation like M* that places the woman on a pedestal, a thing to be worshiped from far away--or like many of the people I know and end up in hot, passionate burn-to-brightly affairs. Two things seemingly wrong. Or in stable, boring, mundane sort of love. Sweat pants love. I-can't-do-any-better love. Comfortable love. Another thing seen as wrong.
I can't speak on the matter accurately. I fell in love, it was puppy love that morphed into something that grabbed me by the nose (perhaps both of us by the nose) and demanded that nothing and no one forced us apart no matter if it was parents or schools or money. A priestess to the whims and idea of love, giving everything to it that I could so I could wrap myself in it.
And now? More rational. It simmers like a roast that will take hours to make but is more soul satisfying than fast food. But I've only loved one man and occasionally I feel...awkward?--unable to empathize with certain situations that present themselves to my friends whom I consider family when they ask relationship advice. What do I know?
I try to approach them, my friend's problems I mean, rationally. Really, I do. But it wasn't rationality that made me turn down a full ride to the University of Florida and put myself $30,000 in debt. It wasn't rationality for D* to give up his inheritance from his grandmother, something on the order of $100,000. Presented by any of those things and rationally, I'd say, "Take the money!"
But I said, this love thing isn't rational. So I think my advice would be bad because I try to see it that way for their benefit and I know they're thinking with their heart. The problem being I do as well; the whole 75% heart/25% head thing. But like I told D* two days ago, there's not much room for people like me in the world. I speak from within, my goal and my career is something I want to be...loving. Helpful. Warm. Thoughtful but inspiring others to learn and grow, to become more than they are in that moment.
Corporate landscape however (and hell, even at some scholarly institutions) require guile and tact--honey tipped tongues and well timed shank-eyes. Cold, calculating, with only the barest hint of feeling. Which I can do but it wears on me. Slowly like water drained from a cup.
So there's really no point in this entry. Just me, thinking quietly with the fan on, remembering the events of last night.