A tan, shopping, nostalgia, and insomnia to show
Insomnia, solely my fault this time thanks to telling myself I deserve to indulge and enjoy late nights to myself on this break. Of course I'm gonna pay for it on the flight back to Shanghai tomorrow and the day at work.
This has been a somewhat satisfying trip home. Spent a fair bit of time at home, napping mostly, swam and tanned a bit, caught up with some friends who also returned home for the Chinese New Year.
Probably because I'm in a new environment and have to work in a new culture with new people again, so I was especially appreciative of hanging out with old friends in Singapore.
During one Saturday lunch when I was too hungover to contribute to anything or appreciate the food, there was a conflicting sense of detachment and nostalgia-sitting at the odd seat of the table due to my tardiness further accentuated the detachment. There I was, thinking how far I've travelled and how removed I feel from most of them, and yet feeling comforted that I could, be myself without care of what that self might be. And no matter the distance or the detachment, I will always be the same person in their eyes.
In most cases when I've felt this way, I usually feel trapped by the past but in this instance, it was reassuring: A new work environment and new people always put my own identity into flux while I work out who I should be.
I dreamt of work twice, that's the kind of impact Shanghai has on me and the stress I'm feeling. All the scrambling and late nights and non-stop working has taken its toll and I've tried to avoid doing any work over the break even though a job is hanging over my head. I just need to decompress for a bit before I go nuts.
But I think, for a change, at the age of 33, I can say I'm really challenging myself and doing something completely out of my comfort zone, that this is a good thing and I'm glad I did it. Catching up with Pok Yih tonight sorta confirmed it when he said he was almost envious of the 'adventures' I'm having, and Sharon telling me she's proud of me was so unexpected (and she slipped that in between mouthfuls of chicken rice at Margaret Drive) and, plain decent and nice.
Chinese New Year involved visiting, I met up with some secondary school mates who're mostly married and one of them with a kid. Looking at them made it very clear that I wasn't ready to settle down, at least not in the manner of the Singaporean getting-married-and-buying-an-apartment dream. I'd like to think I have heaps of time ahead of me for that, just not right now. Of course this is the kinda stuff that make up famous last words.
And I squeezed in a few swims and tans which was relaxing and a painful reminder of how out of shape I am. There's a long to-do list in my head for when I get back, but finding a gym has to be a priority and when summer arrives, a pool I can swim in.
The lifeguards at the pool remembered me and asked where the hell I've been, and we caught up, me about working in Australia and Shanghai, them about the government. Tonight catching up with Pok Yih at Adam Road hawker centre, I had a drink stall aunty commenting I haven't been around for a long time.
Inconsequential moments that will never amount to anything more the simple exchanges that they are, with no ties nor emotional investment, just plain human decency because we crossed each other's paths so tangentially, make all the difference.
This has been a somewhat satisfying trip home. Spent a fair bit of time at home, napping mostly, swam and tanned a bit, caught up with some friends who also returned home for the Chinese New Year.
Probably because I'm in a new environment and have to work in a new culture with new people again, so I was especially appreciative of hanging out with old friends in Singapore.
During one Saturday lunch when I was too hungover to contribute to anything or appreciate the food, there was a conflicting sense of detachment and nostalgia-sitting at the odd seat of the table due to my tardiness further accentuated the detachment. There I was, thinking how far I've travelled and how removed I feel from most of them, and yet feeling comforted that I could, be myself without care of what that self might be. And no matter the distance or the detachment, I will always be the same person in their eyes.
In most cases when I've felt this way, I usually feel trapped by the past but in this instance, it was reassuring: A new work environment and new people always put my own identity into flux while I work out who I should be.
I dreamt of work twice, that's the kind of impact Shanghai has on me and the stress I'm feeling. All the scrambling and late nights and non-stop working has taken its toll and I've tried to avoid doing any work over the break even though a job is hanging over my head. I just need to decompress for a bit before I go nuts.
But I think, for a change, at the age of 33, I can say I'm really challenging myself and doing something completely out of my comfort zone, that this is a good thing and I'm glad I did it. Catching up with Pok Yih tonight sorta confirmed it when he said he was almost envious of the 'adventures' I'm having, and Sharon telling me she's proud of me was so unexpected (and she slipped that in between mouthfuls of chicken rice at Margaret Drive) and, plain decent and nice.
Chinese New Year involved visiting, I met up with some secondary school mates who're mostly married and one of them with a kid. Looking at them made it very clear that I wasn't ready to settle down, at least not in the manner of the Singaporean getting-married-and-buying-an-apartment dream. I'd like to think I have heaps of time ahead of me for that, just not right now. Of course this is the kinda stuff that make up famous last words.
And I squeezed in a few swims and tans which was relaxing and a painful reminder of how out of shape I am. There's a long to-do list in my head for when I get back, but finding a gym has to be a priority and when summer arrives, a pool I can swim in.
The lifeguards at the pool remembered me and asked where the hell I've been, and we caught up, me about working in Australia and Shanghai, them about the government. Tonight catching up with Pok Yih at Adam Road hawker centre, I had a drink stall aunty commenting I haven't been around for a long time.
Inconsequential moments that will never amount to anything more the simple exchanges that they are, with no ties nor emotional investment, just plain human decency because we crossed each other's paths so tangentially, make all the difference.