What the fuck
In the past month, someone off a forum passed away, and someone I know passed away from Mumbai.
It's all so bewildering. Someone ends his own life, someone dies from a shot in the neck from some motherfucking terrorist. There's been no leadup to them, no way to prepare or expect it. You come online, and there it is staring in your face. It's already too late, it's happened and it's already facts. You're informed of the deaths in the most factual, objective manner while you wonder, what the fuck? What the fuck happened? This can't be right. But it is, it's become news after the event, set in stone, irreversible. It's not like you can un-read the news or go on un-informed. You can't go back. Of course for some, we'll go on, but the others? How do they go on?
What's the point of any of this now, it's all platitudes isn't it? I remember the times when I'd get pissed drunk, she'd give me a lift home and I'd be curled up in the seat ranting and crying, right up to the house where I would sit on the road and continue, she me reassuring me everything would be fine. And just last week she'd messaged me on Facebook while visiting Melbourne. All the more disconcerting to find out she had gone to Mumbai so quickly and is now gone. She was cool, she was nice, she was bubbly and positive and it's not fair that she's gone like that. You really wonder what's up with the world or this life we live in.
You wonder about all these people dead or dying, and you wonder when you stepped over some critical threshold, when death comes into your world and all of a sudden people just die.
I never believed in a god, and this is just affirmation that there isn't one. But you know what? I almost wished there is one, so I can just give him or her a big fuck you, so I can denounce this sham. Something to rail against because it's all pointless and meaningless, but you got to take it out on somebody.
And I still have people around me who're dying, and this question that has been running through my mind for a long time, can perhaps no longer be relegated to neurosis: What the fuck am I doing?
It's all so bewildering. Someone ends his own life, someone dies from a shot in the neck from some motherfucking terrorist. There's been no leadup to them, no way to prepare or expect it. You come online, and there it is staring in your face. It's already too late, it's happened and it's already facts. You're informed of the deaths in the most factual, objective manner while you wonder, what the fuck? What the fuck happened? This can't be right. But it is, it's become news after the event, set in stone, irreversible. It's not like you can un-read the news or go on un-informed. You can't go back. Of course for some, we'll go on, but the others? How do they go on?
What's the point of any of this now, it's all platitudes isn't it? I remember the times when I'd get pissed drunk, she'd give me a lift home and I'd be curled up in the seat ranting and crying, right up to the house where I would sit on the road and continue, she me reassuring me everything would be fine. And just last week she'd messaged me on Facebook while visiting Melbourne. All the more disconcerting to find out she had gone to Mumbai so quickly and is now gone. She was cool, she was nice, she was bubbly and positive and it's not fair that she's gone like that. You really wonder what's up with the world or this life we live in.
You wonder about all these people dead or dying, and you wonder when you stepped over some critical threshold, when death comes into your world and all of a sudden people just die.
I never believed in a god, and this is just affirmation that there isn't one. But you know what? I almost wished there is one, so I can just give him or her a big fuck you, so I can denounce this sham. Something to rail against because it's all pointless and meaningless, but you got to take it out on somebody.
And I still have people around me who're dying, and this question that has been running through my mind for a long time, can perhaps no longer be relegated to neurosis: What the fuck am I doing?