Frustrations
What am I doing, and more precisely, what am I doing with my life? These variants of the same question surface in my mind every few hours in the day, every day. And I'm not having a quarter life crisis, would that I have that luxury now. I'm not lost, I have (had) a plan, I have a goal for the next 5 years; I also have a plan for next year, and the next two years I have a goal too.
But it's not moving forward, my life, my career. It's just here in this limbo. And funny enough, the last time I was here, it was a limbo of sorts too, except it was an easier limbo because I just finished school and I could excuse myself from fucking around. There's no excuses this time and I'm not looking for an excuse. But that's the problem here.
I don't want nor need excuses, I want a fucking job so my life can be set in motion again, so I can move, so I can have my routines and get back into my little OCDs and my peeves and think about work when I'm off work and hear voices in my head again. It's been awfully quiet except for the 'what am I doing.'
And why the hell is it so difficult getting a job in this god forsaken town? I'm still waiting to hear from Sydney, and in the mean time, I applied for another position today because it's better than doing nothing right?
And here's the question rearing its ugly head the first time and certainly won't be the last: At what point do I give up on this god forsaken place? I hate Melbourne already. Its cosy little insular clusterfuck.
Should I just pack it and go to Sydney? Hmmm stranger in a strange land, I won't do well there if I went without a plan. But at what point do I give up? It's not an issue of perseverance and labouring under the assumption that I'll be rewarded for my hard work of knocking on every agency's door. At what point does this become stubbornness?
At what point then, do I galvanise myself, decide Australia doesn't appreciate talent, and tell it to go fuck itself? As much as I do like it here and enjoy the life here, Australia (Melbourne) has become a strange place, disconnected from everyone else from my past. Like I said before, no ties.
But as much as I like to be here, I have to be here in Australia thanks to my 2-year contract for my residency, so as much as this place is career-limbo, I'm stuck here.
So where's the breaking point? How long am I going to 'hang in there' until I decide my career is elsewhere that is not Australia nor Singapore? Why should I, professionally experienced and qualified, work some odd job because the work here think it's too good for me, and I can't go elsewhere for 2 years?
I didn't decide to uproot myself from a good career and a comfort zone for this shit here. Singapore wasn't going to stop me from coming back, and Australia isn't going to stop me from leaving.
And the irony is, I think the people around me actually think I enjoy this.
But it's not moving forward, my life, my career. It's just here in this limbo. And funny enough, the last time I was here, it was a limbo of sorts too, except it was an easier limbo because I just finished school and I could excuse myself from fucking around. There's no excuses this time and I'm not looking for an excuse. But that's the problem here.
I don't want nor need excuses, I want a fucking job so my life can be set in motion again, so I can move, so I can have my routines and get back into my little OCDs and my peeves and think about work when I'm off work and hear voices in my head again. It's been awfully quiet except for the 'what am I doing.'
And why the hell is it so difficult getting a job in this god forsaken town? I'm still waiting to hear from Sydney, and in the mean time, I applied for another position today because it's better than doing nothing right?
And here's the question rearing its ugly head the first time and certainly won't be the last: At what point do I give up on this god forsaken place? I hate Melbourne already. Its cosy little insular clusterfuck.
Should I just pack it and go to Sydney? Hmmm stranger in a strange land, I won't do well there if I went without a plan. But at what point do I give up? It's not an issue of perseverance and labouring under the assumption that I'll be rewarded for my hard work of knocking on every agency's door. At what point does this become stubbornness?
At what point then, do I galvanise myself, decide Australia doesn't appreciate talent, and tell it to go fuck itself? As much as I do like it here and enjoy the life here, Australia (Melbourne) has become a strange place, disconnected from everyone else from my past. Like I said before, no ties.
But as much as I like to be here, I have to be here in Australia thanks to my 2-year contract for my residency, so as much as this place is career-limbo, I'm stuck here.
So where's the breaking point? How long am I going to 'hang in there' until I decide my career is elsewhere that is not Australia nor Singapore? Why should I, professionally experienced and qualified, work some odd job because the work here think it's too good for me, and I can't go elsewhere for 2 years?
I didn't decide to uproot myself from a good career and a comfort zone for this shit here. Singapore wasn't going to stop me from coming back, and Australia isn't going to stop me from leaving.
And the irony is, I think the people around me actually think I enjoy this.